How To Talk To Your Kids

One of the best gifts we can give our children is to anchor them in the truth that Scripture is reliable and relevant to their lives. One of these anchoring truths is learning about the fruit of the Spirit. Depending on the age of your child, you may begin by explaining that the fruit of the Spirit is a different kind of fruit, not like apples or bananas. The fruit of the Spirit are gifts that God gives us as we become more like Him, helping us live lives that please God, lives that show His love and who He is to others. Just like fruit grows from being connected to a vine, we grow in the fruit of the Spirit when we are connected to the Holy Spirit through putting our faith in Jesus. As our faith grows, our fruit will grow.  But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.  Galatians 5:22-23 When we talk with our children about showing love, we talk about treating others the way we want to be treated. In Mark 12:31, Jesus says, “Love your neighbor as yourself.” We want our children to learn that love is caring for the good of others and doing what is best for others. We were made to love God and love others. Joy is gladness in our hearts that doesn’t change on sad or happy days. When we trust in Jesus, joy roots down deep in our hearts. It stays in our hearts even when we lose a game or have a hard day in school. If our joy is ever feeling small, we can ask Jesus to help us remember our reasons for having joy. When we think about everything we can thank Jesus for, joy grows in our hearts. Peace is when our hearts are calm and not worrying. In John 14:27, Jesus says, “I give my peace to you… Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” We want our children to learn that when we feel worries rise up in our hearts, we can give them to Jesus, and in return, He will give us peace. Our hope is for our children to know that Jesus is more powerful than anything and that nothing is too hard for Him. He loves us more than we can imagine, and He will always take the best care of us. In Jesus, we can have peace in our hearts, despite our circumstances.  We describe patience as waiting with a joyful heart. Patience remembers that even when our plans are not how or when we want, we can understand and know that God loves us and He is in charge. The story of Joseph in Genesis 37-50 from the Jesus Storybook Bible is helpful to read as a family as you discuss patience and trust in God’s plans and timing. When children learn patience in waiting for a snack or not being upset when a younger sibling wrecks a Lego creation, they are building muscles they will use to trust God’s story and His timing throughout their lives.  We show kindness when we show love and compassion for others, caring about their needs more than our own, and looking for ways to be thoughtful friends. We can encourage our children that it is not always easy to be kind, but we can ask Jesus to help us to grow in kindness. Jesus always hears us when we pray, and He will always be our helper.  We show goodness when we do what is right, even when no one is watching. The story of the Good Samaritan found in Luke 10 shows us that goodness sometimes means stopping our own plans to be a helper to someone else. Our goodness does not come from ourselves but from Jesus. Jesus is the only One who is always good, all the time.  Faithfulness is being dependable and trustworthy toward God and others. We see peacefulness and strength in faithful people. They trust God and do the right thing, even when it’s hard. Faithful friends feel like safe friends who we can trust and who always want the best for us. We want to have faithful friends and be faithful friends.  Gentleness is being strong enough to show tender kindness and care, even when it’s hard. Just as we talk about using our gentle hands or gentle voices around babies or puppies, we want to use tender kindness in the way we treat the hearts of others. We want our children to be strong and humble enough to respond gently when a friend hurts their feelings. When we’re gentle, other people feel safe and cared for around us.  Self-control chooses to act, speak, and respond as God tells us to, even when it’s hard. Children often long for something to be in charge of. We can teach self-control as a way for them to be in charge of their feelings, with the help of Jesus. When notice our children exhibiting the fruit of the Spirit, call it out and celebrate those moments. When we’re working on an area in particular with one of our children, choose a fruit to focus on, celebrating as your children grow and showing grace for the journey.  As we shepherd our children through growing in the fruit of the Spirit, Jesus is kind to be our own perfect Heavenly Father, lovingly showing us where we need to grow as well, equipping us with everything we need to raise the children He has entrusted to us.

As parents, we want our homes to be a place where our children feel comfortable asking us anything and talking about everything. We also want our children to know they have permission to feel whatever they need to. Children feel secure when they know they are not the strongest force in the room and that you, as the parent, are a safe place for them to process what’s going on in their hearts.  The world’s voice is loud, but we can remind our children that our Heavenly Father’s voice is stronger. Hebrew 4:16 encourages us this way, “Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” As you and your Church family together point your children to Jesus, we pray they will come to Him with their feelings and entrust their hearts into His faithful hands.  To help our children understand and navigate what’s going on in their hearts and minds, it’s helpful for them to be able to learn to name their feelings, understand the “why” behind their feelings, and know what to do with their feelings.  For our children to properly express their hearts, they must first expand their feelings vocabulary. We can teach those words as we go about everyday life—when we’re asking about a school day or a playdate or when we’re getting to the root of what caused an argument between siblings. Feelings charts are also an excellent resource to keep in the car or the kitchen for easy access to help connect outward expressions of inward experience.  At times, the feelings part of a child’s brain does not work together with the thinking part of their brain, often leading to a variation of a tantrum. That outburst tells us we need to help them regulate their feelings by engaging their thinking brain and their feelings brain properly. Here are a few ideas for ways to help children reset and regulate their brains:  Take a few deep breaths.Do jumping jacks.Go take a break in their room; this is not necessarily a time out, but a way for them to cool down.Ask them an off-subject question can distract from feelings and engage the cognitive part of the child’s brain. Once the moment has de-escalated, circle back to listen to your child. Repeat what you heard your child say to you, “What I am hearing you say is…” When you feel like you have a good grasp on what’s happening in your child’s heart, sometimes you can share a perspective that changes their outlook. Some feelings can be based on misunderstandings, and you may be able to help your child see a truth that shifts how they feel.  If hurtful words or actions erupted in the midst of the outburst, there may be some restoration needed with a sibling or friend. Proverbs 18:21 says, “The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” As we remind children of how their words have the power of death, we can simultaneously speak life into the character of our children, calling them to more with statements such as, “You are kind, but those words were not very kind. Let’s try saying that again.” Sometimes our child’s behavior indicates something bigger going on in their heart. This is a good moment to get one-on-one time to check in with your child, even while driving in the car, walking, or swinging on swings together. Create space for anything that is troubling your child to bubble to the surface as you ask simple questions that can lead to more conversation, such as: What is something that made you smile today?What is something that was hard today?What is something you are proud of that you did today?Who did you play with on the playground? Sometimes our children just need to feel connected and heard. Other times they just need a hug, a nap, or a snack.  We are God’s ambassadors (2 Corinthians 5:20) to our children, representing him and pointing our children back to him. From this objective posture, we do not need to ride an emotional rollercoaster with our children. Instead, we can remain rooted in the steadfast grace of Jesus, asking Him for insight as we raise our children.  Ultimately, we want our children to learn that feelings are good and that God gave us feelings. Children can be safe to learn and grow within the good and reliable boundaries of our home. Our children are loved unconditionally by you and Jesus, and nothing they can say or do can change their status as accepted and beloved.

Thanksgiving is coming, and I can picture it now—the table is set, the candles are lit, and our favorite dishes filled with nostalgia are sitting on the table. I can already smell my Aunt Nancy’s sweet potato casserole baking with roasted marshmallows on top, and my mom’s cranberry sauce simmering on the stove with brown sugar and freshly squeezed lemon. Just as that special meal is created with care and purpose, we as parents also have an opportunity to intentionally orient the heartbeat of our homes towards thankfulness. The muscles we strengthen as we curate a culture of gratitude in our families have the potential to inform the rhythms of our hearts all year long. Jesus created us to be the parents entrusted to our particular children and the primary influence in their lives. Our children are watching us and absorbing family culture all the time. As we look at the ages, stages, and schedules of our families, we may wonder when we will have opportunities to be intentional influencers and how we can infuse a culture of thanksgiving amid our daily rhythms. God’s Word elevates the importance and beauty of small everyday moments in Deuteronomy 6:7 when God, through Moses, says, “Impress [these commandments] on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.” We, as parents, can take the everyday moments God gives us with our children, and be faithful where we’re at. Whether that takes place at the breakfast table, in the school carline, or while we’re pushing our child on the swing, there are pockets of opportunities to practice thankfulness. Cultivating a culture of thankfulness in our homes begins with looking for the gifts of God all around us, then making connections from those gifts to who God is and who we are in Him. “But be sure to fear the Lord and serve Him faithfully with all your heart; consider what great things He has done for you.” [emphasis added] 1 Samuel 14:24 When our girls were in elementary school, their Bible study had a tradition every November that postured their hearts toward thankfulness. We talked about always wanting to have eyes to see and savor the gifts of God in our lives, so the girls would pass around silly sunglasses we called “gratitude glasses” and take turns wearing them and saying something they were grateful for. Whether your family passes around your own “gratitude glasses” or incorporates a different gratitude practice, here are a few practical suggestions to get you thinking about how you might cultivate thankfulness into your family rhythms: As you play outside, remind your children to thank God for the fall leaves and how they remind us that God loves us so much that He created this beautiful world.As you drive to school or baseball or ballet, you can encourage them to thank God for the opportunity to play and learn something new.On the way to the park, you can talk about thanking God for good friends and the kindness of Jesus in giving us buddies to play with.When you’re getting ready for the day, you can invite them to thank God for His faithfulness, that He would allow the sun to rise again.In the hard moments, you can teach them to thank God that He never leaves us and always takes care of us. When our children (or us, as parents) begin to lean towards entitlement or discontent, we can take those teachable moments to re-root our children in the truth of Who God is and who we are in Him. Studies show that the most joyful people are not those with a life devoid of trials or even those more naturally inclined to positivity. The people who experience the most joy in their lives are those who choose to look for opportunities for thankfulness. As parents of older children, we’ve seen that it’s not the big moments of life that cultivate the most joy, but often it’s the infusing of thankfulness and gratitude into the everyday moments of life through which God produces joyfulness in our daughters. Ultimately, we as parents have the privilege of pointing our children’s hearts to Jesus over and over. When we have a glimpse of the abounding love and grace of Jesus, of who He is and who we are as His children, our response is worship and thanksgiving. As we anticipate the coming holiday season, let’s create a culture of thankfulness and join with the psalmist as he says, “The LORD is my strength and shield. I trust him with all my heart. He helps me, and my heart is filled with joy. I burst out in songs of thanksgiving.” Psalm 28:7

I’ll be the first to admit that when it comes to Christmas, my family can get swept up in the present-buying, consumer chaos, and mayhem of the holidays. If we aren’t careful, we miss the miracle of what we are truly celebrating. Chances are, you have felt that tension, too.  As parents, how do we help our kids keep Christ at the center of Christmas? How do we leverage everyday moments in December to anchor our hearts in the true meaning of Christmas this holiday season?  Here are a few practical tips on how to talk to your kids about Christmas.  Embrace the mystery.  Where exactly did the wise men travel from? How do angels speak? What does a heavenly host sound like? Why was Jesus born in a stable? How exactly did Mary become pregnant? There are a lot of details of Christ’s arrival that are difficult to grasp as a kid. And that’s okay.  The Bible isn’t a science book with every formula and detail outlined; it’s the perfect unfolding story of God’s redemptive plan for humanity–and it’s miraculous! Jesus, the son of God, fully man and fully God, was sent on mission to redeem and save. This was God’s plan from the beginning.  Kids will naturally have many questions, and it’s okay if you don’t know all the answers. Embrace the mystery of God’s divine and perfect plan and go on a learning journey together. Let the mystery of God and the truth of Christmas lead to awe, wonder, and worship.  Tell the whole Gospel story.  Often, we want to leave Jesus as a baby in the manger, but He is the risen King seated in heaven. Explain to your kids that Christ came as a baby, but He grew to give His life on the cross for our salvation. Help your kids see the whole Gospel story from the manger to the cross to the empty tomb:  Those baby hands grew to bear scars where nails held Him to the cross. His infant cries would become the Word of Life. His baby brow would one day wear a crown of thorns. His tiny feet and ten perfect toes would grow to carry Him on mission and past a stone-sealed tomb. The manger is empty, and so is the grave. Jesus came to die so that we might live.  We must remember and celebrate the entirety of the Gospel story at Christmas and every day.  Tell the story often.  Don’t save the story of Jesus for Christmas Eve. Instead, talk about the meaning of Christmas all month long and talk about it often. Repetition is often the best teacher for our children and us.  Read the nativity account together (Luke 2 is a great place to start) often throughout December around the table or listen to the bible app in the car. Encourage your kids to ask questions. Create space for them to imagine the scenes and retell the story back to you.  Visuals are also a great tool, so place a few kid-friendly nativity scenes around the house and encourage your kids to interact with them.  Reimagine your traditions.  Is Santa real? Why do we give presents? What’s all this singing about? Sometimes, we do things out of habit. So, as a family, discuss why you do what you do during the holiday and evaluate what helps you lean into Jesus and maintain a heart posture of gratitude and awe for what God has done.  Remember, Mom and Dad, you get to define your family culture. Maybe it’s time to set aside old traditions or create new ones. Here are some great tools and resources:  Read Waiting Here for You by Pastor Louie as a family. She Reads Truth Advent conversation cards. Use an advent wreath or calendar to remind you what the purpose of Christmas is: Jesus.Look for ways to serve together as a family during school breaks. Use what you have. Let everyday Christmas decor help teach scripture and the true meaning of the season. For example:  Christmas lights can remind us that Jesus is the light of the world.  I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life. John 8:12  Wreaths hung remind us of the crown of thorns that our savior would one day wear. As we share gifts, we remember Jesus is the greatest gift. In Him, we have been given everything we need. Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights.  James 1:17 For God so loved the world he gave his one and only son… John 3:16  Snow reminds us that through Jesus, our sins have been washed white as snow.  Soak me in your laundry and I’ll come out clean, scrub me and I’ll have a snow-white life.  Psalm 51:7 MSG Make it your mission to amplify the glory of Christ in Christmas this holiday. Make talking about Jesus and the things of God part of your family’s rhythm, not just during Christmas but every season. He is worthy of all our worship.

My kids have always loved church. There’s music, games, friends, and sometimes even snacks—what’s not to love!? But beyond the fun, how do we talk to our kids about the heart of church? Why do we go? What’s the point? Why is this part of our family’s weekly rhythm? These are great questions to discuss with your kids and maybe even wrestle with on your own as you shape your family culture.  Church is a family to which we belong. By grace, we are God’s children. That makes us family–brothers and sisters placed in a household called the Church. It’s not about membership or a club you join, it’s about a relationship with God and with each other. We often remind our kids that the Church isn’t perfect because it’s composed of imperfect people, but the Church is part of God’s good design. The early Christian church was formed by the followers of Jesus after his death, burial, and miraculous resurrection. We learn about the beginning of the Christian church in gospel writings, the book of Acts, and the New Testament letters. What started with humble beginnings 2,000 years ago has now reached around the globe and spans across ethnicities, borders, ages, and demographics. Some churches gather in steepled buildings, big box buildings, houses, and huts. But the Church is not just about what happens in the four walls where we gather, it’s far more about the way in which we scatter to carry the truth of Jesus to our friends and neighbors, putting His love on display through our lives. The Church is people. And together, we are united on a mission in our cities and to the world to share and reflect the love and beauty of Jesus.  Here are a few simple statements you can share with your kids to help explain the what and why of going to church: We gather to Worship  Worship is not just an individual experience but a communal act of expressing gratitude, reverence, and adoration for God. There is power in gathering with believers to raise a song of praise to Jesus. Our worship buoys our faith as we remember and honor God, standing shoulder to shoulder with others who are in agreement. We can sing loud or quiet, with arms raised or knees bowed. Our expression and practice of worship is welcomed and cultivated within our church communities.  We gather to Pray  Ephesians 4 reminds us that there is strength and power in numbers. Church is where we gather in corporate prayer, where believers can pray together for various needs and concerns. Church is the family we can run to when life is hard or when life is good. We need each other and we were created to care for, encourage and pray for one another.  We gather to Serve + Give We are the recipients of the greatest gift the world has ever known—the love, grace, and mercy of God. Having freely received, we freely give. We give of our time, talent, and treasure as we identify needs in our community. Our act of serving and giving is a form of our worship. It’s important to teach our children that they have a unique role to play in the body of Christ, and the Church is where we gather for maximum impact so that others can hear and learn about Jesus.  We gather to Remember As Jesus followers, we have been commanded to take communion and to be baptized as outward signs of our faith. Communion is done in community; believers take bread and wine as a symbol to remember what Jesus did for us on the cross. Baptism is a public profession of faith. Both communion and baptism are meant to be done corporately among a group of believers as we remember, celebrate, and honor King Jesus.  We gather to Grow  Church is where we can learn and uphold the Word of God. Through preaching, teaching, and studying the Bible together at Church, Jesus followers deepen their understanding of God’s heart and how the Truth is applied to our lives. Being part of a church community also provides accountability. It helps us stay grounded in our faith, shapes our value system, and provides tangible ways for us to support one another in times of struggle.  As a church community, we gather to grow, remember, serve, give, pray, and worship. Church is part of God’s good design to help us to endure and “run the race” of life well. (1 Corinthians 9)  We were made for community and it’s vital for our kids to experience what it’s like to prioritize gathering and serving as part of a church so that it becomes a healthy practice in their own life, growth, and journey with Jesus. So, don’t grow weary, moms and dads. Keep showing up to church. The seeds we sow into our kids will take roots deep into their hearts and help shape who they become.  (1 Corinthians 12:12, Acts 2, Matthew 28:19, Luke 22:19, 1 Corinthians 11:26, 1 John 5:2)

Why is Good Friday called good? As a child, I remember feeling confused by Good Friday. To me the idea of Jesus being hurt and killed seemed anything but good. Even now as a mother to 4, I’ve seen the same question in the eyes of my children as we’ve discussed the events leading up to Easter.  For many families of small children, we can be tempted to gloss over the brutality of Passover week and simply celebrate with peeps, pastels, and baskets rather than talking about the historical fact and life-transforming truth of these important days.  You might wonder if talking about the cross will make them feel sad, overwhelmed, or even scared, but as we seek to raise our children to be Jesus followers, it’s important that we find the words to teach our children the whole story. Especially the story of  Good Friday and Easter as our faith hinges on these incredible true events in history. Here are a few ways to start a conversation in your home…  Begin with scripture. There is always power in the Word of God. Around the dinner table or in a moment that isn’t rushed, take a few minutes to slowly read Luke 22-23 together and give space for conversation and questions. Don’t worry if you can’t answer every question; this is a time for the whole family to grow. And if the kids have the wiggles and don’t seem like they’re catching it all, don’t fret or get frustrated.  Your obedience in opening the Word in your home is planting seeds in their hearts, and I promise they are catching more than you think.  Invite your kids to tell the story back to you in their own words and see what parts of the story captured their attention. Then, read the account of the crucifixion again from The Jesus Storybook Bible or another children’s bible that paraphrases scripture in language geared specifically towards kids.   As a parent, you know your own kids the best, so use simple age-appropriate words they can easily understand. While you don’t have to use graphic detail, our kids should understand the weight of what Jesus experienced on the cross on our behalf. It’s important to connect Jesus’ death on the cross to our sins.  Without understanding sin, we cannot fully grasp the significance of Jesus’ love and his sacrifice on the cross. Remind your kids that Jesus was perfect and never sinned yet, he chose to die a brutal death on the cross for our sins. As it is so beautifully written in the Jesus StoryBook Bible, God loved us so much that he gave his “Never Stopping, Never Giving Up, Unbreaking, Always and Forever Love” to Jesus.    Spoiler alert! We know how the story ends, so we call Good Friday, good. The hard, heavy, and beautiful truth is that Jesus died for our sins, but we don’t despair or lose hope because Jesus didn’t stay dead — he rose from the grave and defeated death once and for all. Jesus is alive! Help your kids see the whole story, both the ache of the cross and the joy of the empty tomb. Jesus’ act of love on the cross and rising from the dead means that we now can have life forever. This is the gospel, the Good News.   Jesus said “Let the little children come to me”, and He is still calling children to Himself. The work and revelation God does in our children’s hearts is not cute; it is holy.  In discipling our children, we must talk about the cross, sin, and hope of Jesus often in our home, don’t simply save it for Easter weekend. We are Easter people every day of the year. As a parent, I’ve experienced God using these conversations with my children to impact and sharpen my own faith. The more we talk about the things of God in our home, the more we all will grow in our relationship with Him.    Resources // Jesus Story Book bible –  Incredible resource for families that explains the thread of Jesus through scripture from Genesis to Revelation in a way that kids and parents can both understand and enjoy.   Bible Project – For older kids, teens (and parents!), the Bible Project offers incredible short and free videos that help visually explain scripture. Your kids will be captivated by the storytelling in these videos which will lead to great conversation. Luke 19-23 Video Sacrifice and Atonement

At Passion City Church, we believe that “Generosity is normal.” But what does that mean, and how do you describe that to your eight-year-old? Or even your three-year-old?  A basic definition for any toddler to middle schooler could be that generosity means having a willingness to give or share with kindness in your heart. If you’ve ever had a toddler, you know the season of teaching them to share can be difficult.  I have a toddler at home myself. Imagine being in my shoes and asking him to share his favorite toy truck with a friend; what do you picture happening? If you imagine him holding onto his toy as I pry it out of his hands, followed by him sitting on the ground and crying loudly, then yes! That’s precisely what happens! He hasn’t yet learned that sharing is kind, and if he loves his friend and wants his friend to be happy, he should share his toy with him.  This reluctance to open our hands is a perfect example of what we often think of when it comes to our giving. As adults, we consider our time, money, and possessions so precious that when we feel we need to give some away, they must be pried out of our hands. Our hearts may not be in the right place, and we give because we feel like we have to.  But that’s not what God wants for us, and it’s not how He designed us to be.  He isn’t prying the money, time, or kindness out of our hands. We are invited to give it back to Him because He freely gave it to us. God wants us to trust Him, put all our confidence in His design, and pass that on to our children. Here are a few helpful ways to do this with your children… 1.Go to the Scripture. In 2 Corinthians 9:7, Paul urges us, “Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.” Paul is telling us that we, as Christ followers, don’t need to give under obligation. We get to choose in our hearts how and what we present. He says in verse 8, “And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.” Encouraging your kids to give something away freely can be difficult, but the more you let them choose, the more rewarding it will feel for them. Try giving them an either/or option. “Would you like to give ____ or ____ this morning?” 2.Get on their level. Being cheerful is something that most children can understand. To be cheerful means to be “noticeably happy and optimistic.”  “Being cheerful is like that feeling you have when we climb on the monkey bars or ride on the slide!” Your kids trust that the playground will hold them up; therefore, they are happy and optimistic, knowing they have no reason to worry or fear. They don’t have to focus on being cheerful in those moments; it just comes naturally.  In the same way, when we trust God will give us everything we need, generosity can come naturally. We can trust that when we give freely, God will hold us; He is the truest, most reliable structure. Ultimately our children are looking to us for security, to feel safe, and to have their needs met. When we teach our children and demonstrate with our faith that Jesus will always provide, they will feel free to be generous in that unique way that a child can be. 3.It comes naturally.  We are recipients of the greatest gift ever known, and at no cost to us, we live freely, forgiven forever. All because of our Savior, who displayed generosity in its purest form. When we realize we cannot do anything alone and put all our confidence in God, giving back to Him what He has given us, we begin to fit into this natural mold of generosity.  Since generosity is more about our hearts than our possessions, we can help our kids understand that their attitude toward giving means more than what they give. It can be easy to focus on the monetary side of giving, but talking to your kids about generosity can lead to conversations about giving time, effort, kindness, and love. They are generous when they share their afterschool cookie with their sibling, and they are generous when they give their best effort on their group project, knowing that it will benefit not only themselves but those around them.  These are stepping stones to more significant generosity decisions down the road, like giving their time, money, or possessions to the Church or someone in need. These things will come naturally when your children live in such a way to serve others and also realize that the blessings they have received are from God, and they are called to share His love.  4.Model it yourself.  When we display this to our children, they notice. Giving is worship. It’s our lifestyle. When we model it for our children, they won’t think of it as just a time where we take out our wallets and drop money into the bucket, although that can also be an important moment. When you discuss generosity with your kids and the heartbeat behind it, and when they witness you give your money, energy, time, and talents to others, they won’t see it as an obligation. They’ll see it as part of life.  5.Serve Together. Giving of our time, resources, and talents can be a sweet way to spend quality time together. Are you great at reading and telling stories? Find a shelter or a nonprofit where you can read to children, and bring yours along to participate! Find a local place where you and your kids can serve food, play games, pack boxes, and help other kids with their homework… There are many ways you can serve together inside and outside the Church. Talk about how this is being generous. For example – instead of staying home and playing video games, they give their time and talents to others who are blessed by it! It’s great for children to learn this at an early age and to know that no gift is ever too small in the Kingdom when it comes from the proper heart posture.  6.They can handle it! When teaching children about things that seem to be a bit over their heads, we can trust that the Holy Spirit will intercede and help them understand more than we think they might in our strength. That being said, trust that God is faithful and He knows your children the best. He knows each hair on their heads, and He knows their thoughts and understanding. We pray that your children’s hearts will be filled with all hope, joy, and love of Jesus as they grow in who He has called them to be and come alongside the idea that generosity is normal.

This is a normal and, dare I say, healthy response. Parent to parent, allow me to remind you that you get more than one shot. You get to have continual conversations about salvation and how to live in the light of God’s grace. This particular conversation can be clearly communicated and still have many layers depending on age and life season. Moments add up to hours as we continue the conversation to check in to see if they have questions or wonderings. This layered approach communicates that you want to keep the conversation going, taking some of the pressure off to make it a picture-perfect interaction. The car is the perfect place to talk about theological questions because it gives the child the sense that it’s good to ask questions openly about God, it gives them a way out of the conversation at the end of the ride, and it conveys the ability to talk about things like grace and salvation on a random Tuesday morning. The thing about God is that our relationship with him resembles other relationships, but it is wholly unique. We become believers when we admit our sins and claim that Jesus is who he says he is and resurrected just like he said he would. At that moment, we immediately come from death, dead in our sin and unable to do anything about it, to life, abundant and grace-filled oneness with God because of Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross. It is a great irony that we as parents try to instill a work ethic in our kids with homework and sports, yet when it comes to salvation, we can’t earn it! There are three essential steps in explaining salvation accurately. 1.Pray with your child to admit that they are a sinner. Their understanding of the work of Christ on the cross means they see the story of redemption unfolding and how it includes them. 2.Belief in God is an act of faith that God is trustworthy. When we believe that Jesus’ death, burial, and resurrection can change our hardened hearts, we move from death to life.  But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8  3.In addition to belief, we must confess with our mouths. Speaking our sin and shortcomings aloud is humbling, beautiful, and good. Follow that with a confession of faith in Jesus as the Savior of the world, our beautiful promise of salvation! Romans 10:9 says, “If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” Lastly, Rejoice! Celebrate! Bless the Lord for the gospel work he’s done in your child’s life. This calls for ice cream! Give thanks to God with your child through prayer, worship, and thanksgiving. Let them know this is a big deal and you are overjoyed to journey with them through salvation. Thanks be to God! You are my God, and I will praise you; you are my God, and I will exalt you. Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever.  Psalm 118:28-29

The language changes as they mature and become capable of more information regarding a particular topic, but the goal remains the same – to help them see all of life anchored in Scripture and Jesus Christ.  Many conversations come with ease, while others can feel a bit daunting. Like how to talk to your kids about hard things. Inevitably, life will expose our children to difficult seasons and topics of discussion. Whether they experience it firsthand or see it in the lives of those around them, they are bound to bump up against hard stuff in life. With that being true, how do we help our children understand the reality of hard things and use every opportunity to prepare, encourage, and equip them? Here are ten things to keep in mind:    Pray! Ask God regularly for the wisdom needed to teach and guide your children. If we lack wisdom, He says ask and He’ll give generously! (James 4)You don’t have to wait for the hard thing to happen to begin to deposit truths that can give your children wisdom and a leg up in life. (Deuteronomy 6:4-9)Listen well and ask questions to bring understanding and help create a safe space for kids to talk and share what’s on their hearts. Open mouth, open heart. No topic is off-limits! Be mindful of how you respond to what a child shares. Stay calm, hear them out, and ask more questions. This keeps the space safe and open for ongoing discussion. Quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to become angry. (James 1:19-20)If you don’t have a response, be honest about that. Commit to coming back with some thoughts another time. Pray, research, or talk to others who can help bring clarity to the topic and be sure to follow up with your child.Not every conversation needs to lead to a “fixed it” moment. Sometimes our kids just need to be heard along with some comfort and reassurance. We can go deeper another time.Be careful not to shield your children extensively from hard things—especially as they enter their teen years and become more aware of what’s happening in the world around them. It is okay for them to know that life is full of good, but there is also evil in our world. Draw from Genesis 3 and Ephesians 6:10-20 to bring clarity to the reality of an adversary along with a perfect blueprint for how to withstand evil, and remain standing, even in hard situations. They have everything they need in Jesus to stand firm. In that truth, there is wisdom to be gained, potential for growth, and room for character development. The right knowledge can be power in the form of protection. Weave biblical stories and truths that directly relate to the discussion into conversation, prayers, or moments around the dinner table. God promises that His Word will go out and not return void. (Isaiah 55:11) So even as you speak it in prayer and incorporate truth into your responses – it’s still the Word of God and it will do as God intends. Let the seeds fall and the Holy Spirit will take it from there! Avoid trying to convince your kids that they must agree with what you’re saying at that moment. This is a journey. If they have questions or doubts, give space for that. Encourage your children to take it upon themselves to pray, journal, search Scripture, or talk to a trusted mentor, that is not mom and dad, but who shares your beliefs. And keep checking in from time to time to revisit anything left open-ended. Pray with your children about the things that are on their hearts and minds.   Keep in mind that there is not always a neat bow to tie on every story or every conversation. This is where we anchor our hope in a faithful, trustworthy Savior who will redeem all things in the end. He is victorious over death and sin and promises to enable us to walk as overcomers in this life. There is good to be gleaned from the hard things in life and we can always count on Jesus to come through for us. Without question, our children will receive information from somewhere or someone. What an incredible privilege and responsibility as a parent to be the voice that is continually speaking, guiding, and inspiring our children as to Who to look to for all seasons of life. Reassuring our kids that we are always there for them, but continually pointing them to God as the ultimate source of understanding, wisdom, and comfort helps set them up with strength and courage in the present and the future. From the time they are little – into their teen years and beyond – we have ample opportunity to do just that!  Wherever you are in the journey, just begin or keep going! To help our children gain wisdom and understanding through Scripture for all of life’s moments is one of the greatest gifts and legacies we can give them.

Children often lean towards exclusivity at different stages and for various reasons. It starts with preschoolers saying who can or can’t sit with them at their little tables; then, it becomes playground clubs in elementary school. Middle and high school can bring a constant pull to jockey for position, to be invited to the event, or to be added to the group chat.  As parents entrusted with pointing their children in the way of Jesus, we want to call them to more. We want to cultivate includers.  Most exclusion is rooted in insecurity, and a scarcity mindset, a feeling as if there is a finite and tenuous amount of space in a friend group, and one more person added might jeopardize someone else’s spot. As believers, though, we know that the way of Jesus is not one of insecurity and scarcity; the way of Jesus is one of abundant love and a firm foundation. Therefore, be imitators of God, as dearly loved children, and walk in love, as Christ also loved us and gave himself for us, a sacrificial and fragrant offering to God. Ephesians 5:1-2 (CSB) Dallas Willard defines love as “the genuine inner readiness and longing to secure the good of others.” Here are a few ways we can cultivate a spirit of inclusion in our children, encouraging them toward the way of love:  Remind our children of their belovedness. They are not adrift in the “social sea,” tossed back and forth by the whims of other children. They are beloved children of God, anchored in the hope of the gospel and the presence of their King. They are fearfully and wonderfully made, with an identity and future determined by the God who loves them more than they can imagine. They can have the confidence to be kind and include a friend. Encourage our children to keep their eyes up. While our children’s natural gaze might trend more toward themselves, we can encourage them towards empathy, looking up and out for who needs to be included. This can look like a simple invitation to hang out or asking someone what they did that weekend. If your child is the one feeling left out, they may also need to be encouraged to look around. They are likely not alone. Children’s relationships can be fluid. Disruption in friendship with one child may create an opportunity to get to know a new friend.Make home a safe harbor. Hard seasons in friendships might be the time to choose your parenting battles wisely. Our children are encountering a whole world outside our four walls. They might just need to come home to safe acceptance and grace. Parents, remember we are not parenting alone as we help our children navigate these growing-up years. Not only do you have the community of our church family, but our Heavenly Father is with us and will give us everything we need to raise our children. James 1:5 (NIV) tells us that when seeking wisdom, we should “ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.” We can anchor in the beautiful truth from 1 Thessalonians 5:24 (ESV) that “He who calls you is faithful; He will surely do it.”

“God, you are the awesomest. Amen.”  “Jesus, please help mom remember to get pudding at the store. I ask every day and she always forgets.”  “Dear Lord, I really don’t like third grade. The boy next to me has bad breath. Please fix it so I don’t have to go. Thank you.”   Innocent, uncomplicated, and brutally honest.  As a young mom, I was still learning about prayer for myself (honestly, I still am)! How was I supposed to teach my children to grow their prayer lives when I was still working on my own? Two decades later, I now realize that I was way overthinking it. My kids, with their unfiltered, heartfelt brain dumps, were off to a great start!  At its core, prayer is simply talking to God. This seems to come naturally to most children. As parents, we just need to encourage and guide these God conversations so that prayer becomes a trusted and integral part of their day-to-day lives.  Use the Word The most effective and powerful way to develop your prayer life is to use Scripture. Praying God’s Word ensures that our prayers align with His will and that we will receive what is asked within the correct context (James 4:3, 1 John 5:14-15). Praying Scripture also draws us closer to God’s heart and renews our minds to be more like Christ’s (Romans 12:2). If your child is anxious, teach them 1 Peter 5:7 and pray, “Lord, I cast all my fears onto you because you care for me.” Or if a friend is sick they could pray Matthew 14:14, “Thank you Jesus that you feel compassion for them and You heal those that are sick.” You can also encourage your child to pray for things they want to see begin to happen in themselves or the world around them- freedom from sin (Romans 6:18), humility (1 Peter 5:5), discernment (Psalm 119:66) or servanthood (Mark 10:45).  Get Creative Kids are endless sources of creativity. They just love to make up stories, sing songs at the top of their lungs, and cover everything with glitter and glue. Using our creative gifts is a fun and immersive way to practice prayer. When you and your child are singing a worship song, encourage them to wrap their heart around praying the words as they sing them. Pray the lyrics of “Waymaker” over a challenging situation or “Glorious Day” when you’re having a tough one. Drawing as you pray is a great way to get out thoughts and feelings that may be difficult to put into words. And incorporating our imaginations can be a powerful tool. When my children would have nightmares, I would have them imagine Jesus on the throne in heaven. I’d ask them to use their hand to pull the nightmare from their brain and then give it to Jesus. It always gave them so much peace to have a visual of Jesus taking away the source of their fear.    Establish a Routine  Did you grow up praying at bedtime or before each of your meals? There is nothing magical about praying at these set times. They are just examples of establishing a prayer routine. Research shows there are numerous benefits to a predictable daily routine and that scheduling an item greatly increases the likelihood of that action being completed. Sit down with your kids and talk about making a family prayer routine. What consistent times work well for you? In the Robinson home, we pray before meals and we take extra time to pray with each child as we put them to bed at the end of the day. It doesn’t happen every single meal or every single night but, thanks to our routine, we are pretty close.  The most important thing you can teach your child about prayer is just to do it and do it all the time. There is literally never a moment that we cannot pray. Prayers can be serious or funny, short or long, aloud or silent. Prayers can be for yourself or someone else. Prayers can be filled with gratitude or heavy with frustration. You can pray while driving, walking, or taking a bath. You can tell God you really like that tree He made in your front yard or you can ask Him to heal your grandmother. Nothing is too big or too small to pray. Prayer can and should be a lifestyle, a way of living every day, a continual conversation with the One who knows you best.

They can surprise us and usually come at comically inopportune times; think while you’re at Home Depot or in the middle of an important phone call. Mine came as we pulled into the school parking lot last year, running late with everyone stressed from the morning my daughter asked me to explain the Trinity! ‘Just give me the overview, Mom.’ It makes me laugh recalling that moment because I’m not too proud to tell you that I completely froze and told her we could talk about it after school that afternoon! Significant theological questions are scary, but they are a beautiful sign of God’s active work in our kids’ lives. These ponderings and questions show that they desire answers. And not just answers but insight and wisdom. These are the stirrings of the Holy Spirit in the next generation’s hearts. You don’t have to know all the big words and theories, but we must understand what Scripture says. In Romans 3, Paul lays out a three-step map for a conversation about sin.  This righteousness is given through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference between Jew and Gentile, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.  Romans 3:22-24 1.‘Only faith in Jesus Christ can give us righteousness.’  Righteousness simply means “right standing.” And right standing is only offered through faith in Jesus. It doesn’t matter how good your grades are or what records you broke on the track team; what matters is faith in the sacrifice of Jesus on the cross. Help your child understand that God isn’t looking for a flawless performance; He already loves who they really are. 2.‘There is no difference between Jew and Gentile, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God…’  Kids understand how a social hierarchy works. Most have come up against someone who ranks higher or lower than them on the popularity scale. This reference is a helpful tool to explain how it doesn’t matter how popular or unpopular you are, how much of a star, or if you have a quiet disposition. Everyone falls short—parents included! Sin is a separateness that cannot close the gap between God and us without Jesus. Take a minute to pause and remind your child that mistakes will happen. This could be a good time to tell a story about a few you made! Mistakes aren’t the problem because we have faith in Jesus, who puts us in Right Standing with God the Father. 3.‘… all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.’ God creates us with value and purpose. Our sin creates a divide that we cannot cross without Jesus. Confessing that we can’t cross the divide on our own and we need Jesus to redeem our sins frees us from the weight of our mistakes. This freedom makes us righteous but also Just in Christ Jesus. To be justified means we’ve accepted the gift of faith that makes us clean and one with God. We’ve been justified because we are made to have a relationship with him! Our sin is heavy. Being honest and age-appropriate with your kids about that weight is the first step in a Biblical explanation of sin. Romans 3 reminds us that its level ground when we come to Jesus. And aren’t we so grateful for that? As you have these conversations with your kids, be reminded and refreshed that you were also called for a purpose. Pray and ask the Lord to show you ways to lead your children in the path of humility that leads straight to the righteousness and redemption of Christ Jesus.