I tell my students that there is one experience we will always share in common: being on the receiving end of criticism. As long as you seek to serve people, which we must, this will be an experience you have to endure when it comes. But not just endure, but endure while loving and serving the person who is criticizing you.
John 13:4-5 gives us a beautiful picture of what Christian service should look like. Jesus’s betrayal and crucifixion were nearing, and “Jesus, knowing that the Father had given all things into his hands, and that he had come from God and was going back to God, rose from supper. He laid aside his outer garments, and taking a towel, tied it around his waist. Then he poured water into a basin and began to wash the disciples’ feet and to wipe them with the towel that was wrapped around him.” Judas’s betrayal of Jesus was coming, and in this moment, Jesus washed Judas’s feet as well — a humble and loving gesture of service to one who would deeply wrong a friend.
I have a rule for myself when it comes to matters of the Bible and theology: Never get bored with the basics. Once you believe you have arrived or already know this or that about the Bible, the deceptive blinding of pride has already taken root. Reminders are not only good, but necessary, especially when our practice fails to mirror our convictions. We know we are to love our neighbor. At times, our practice says otherwise. What might failing to live out our faith look like in the midst of experiencing unfair criticism?
Seething inside instead of having compassion.
Responding in hate rather than kindness.
Yelling instead of patiently responding with love to the person.
Seeking to vindicate oneself instead of having a heart to serve.
Trying to be right instead of explaining to help the individual better understand where you are coming from.
Being angry rather than pursuing an understanding of where the other person is coming from.
Demeaning rather than building up.
But extending wrong when we have been wronged does not make things right. Extending wrong when we have been wronged only adds to wrong. We can never get bored with the need to provide self-effacing service to others, even when we are being mistreated.
Please hear me; I am not saying to be a doormat and to allow others to demean the image of God that you bear. You need to respect yourself as God’s child and ensure that you are not subjecting yourself to abuse. Certainly, wisdom needs to be exercised always. But there is a way that calls us to “absorb the blow” for the sake of loving and serving our “opponent” in such moments of being unfairly criticized. It is the way of Jesus.
In Romans 12:14, Paul talks of the proper response toward those who wrong you. Paul writes, “Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them.” Rather than returning mistreatment, Christians should instead love and seek to benefit the individual. It means intentionally refraining from responding wrongly and intentionally giving of ourselves instead.
In Romans 12:17-18, Paul once again focuses on the needed response: “Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.” Paul’s comments in verse 17 about doing “what is honorable” publicly resonates. People are watching, and a lost society sees how Christians behave. Are we known for our Christ-like love? When those outside of the church encounter Christians, do they encounter a redemptive presence? When an unbelieving world sees Christians interact with one another, do they witness a unity that reflects the one church? We are supposed to be different. We are to do everything we can to live lives that seek peace. If we have done all we can to be at peace with everyone, we have done what we can do. What is in our control is our response.
As Christians, we are called to live a life of sacrificial love. That means you have to spend time with people, even those who may be difficult to get along with. Again, it takes discernment, and you cannot throw wisdom out the window. When insults are hurled your way, it may be that the most loving thing to do is to get up from the table and walk away for his sake and your own. Often, there is an opportunity to “bless.”
So, what can you do the next time you are unfairly criticized and mistreated by someone? Take the towel from around your waist, get on your knees, and wash the offender’s feet. Love and serve them. That is the way of Jesus.