Article

How to Talk to Your Kids About Hard Things

Susan Marks

November, 13, 2023

The language changes as they mature and become capable of more information regarding a particular topic, but the goal remains the same – to help them see all of life anchored in Scripture and Jesus Christ.

Many conversations come with ease, while others can feel a bit daunting. Like how to talk to your kids about hard things. Inevitably, life will expose our children to difficult seasons and topics of discussion. Whether they experience it firsthand or see it in the lives of those around them, they are bound to bump up against hard stuff in life.

With that being true, how do we help our children understand the reality of hard things and use every opportunity to prepare, encourage, and equip them? Here are ten things to keep in mind:

Pray! Ask God regularly for the wisdom needed to teach and guide your children. If we lack wisdom, He says ask and He’ll give generously! (James 4)

You don’t have to wait for the hard thing to happen to begin to deposit truths that can give your children wisdom and a leg up in life. (Deuteronomy 6:4-9)

Listen well and ask questions to bring understanding and help create a safe space for kids to talk and share what’s on their hearts. Open mouth, open heart. No topic is off-limits!

Be mindful of how you respond to what a child shares. Stay calm, hear them out, and ask more questions. This keeps the space safe and open for ongoing discussion. Quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to become angry. (James 1:19-20)

If you don’t have a response, be honest about that. Commit to coming back with some thoughts another time. Pray, research, or talk to others who can help bring clarity to the topic and be sure to follow up with your child.

Not every conversation needs to lead to a “fixed it” moment. Sometimes our kids just need to be heard along with some comfort and reassurance. We can go deeper another time.

Be careful not to shield your children extensively from hard things—especially as they enter their teen years and become more aware of what’s happening in the world around them. It is okay for them to know that life is full of good, but there is also evil in our world. Draw from Genesis 3 and Ephesians 6:10-20 to bring clarity to the reality of an adversary along with a perfect blueprint for how to withstand evil, and remain standing, even in hard situations. They have everything they need in Jesus to stand firm. In that truth, there is wisdom to be gained, potential for growth, and room for character development. The right knowledge can be power in the form of protection.

Weave biblical stories and truths that directly relate to the discussion into conversation, prayers, or moments around the dinner table. God promises that His Word will go out and not return void. (Isaiah 55:11) So even as you speak it in prayer and incorporate truth into your responses – it’s still the Word of God and it will do as God intends. Let the seeds fall and the Holy Spirit will take it from there!

Avoid trying to convince your kids that they must agree with what you’re saying at that moment. This is a journey. If they have questions or doubts, give space for that. Encourage your children to take it upon themselves to pray, journal, search Scripture, or talk to a trusted mentor, that is not mom and dad, but who shares your beliefs. And keep checking in from time to time to revisit anything left open-ended.

Pray with your children about the things that are on their hearts and minds.

Keep in mind that there is not always a neat bow to tie on every story or every conversation. This is where we anchor our hope in a faithful, trustworthy Savior who will redeem all things in the end. He is victorious over death and sin and promises to enable us to walk as overcomers in this life. There is good to be gleaned from the hard things in life and we can always count on Jesus to come through for us.

Without question, our children will receive information from somewhere or someone. What an incredible privilege and responsibility as a parent to be the voice that is continually speaking, guiding, and inspiring our children as to Who to look to for all seasons of life. Reassuring our kids that we are always there for them, but continually pointing them to God as the ultimate source of understanding, wisdom, and comfort helps set them up with strength and courage in the present and the future. From the time they are little – into their teen years and beyond – we have ample opportunity to do just that!

Wherever you are in the journey, just begin or keep going! To help our children gain wisdom and understanding through Scripture for all of life’s moments is one of the greatest gifts and legacies we can give them.

Scripture References

Submit Yourselves to God

1What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? 2You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God. 3When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.

4You adulterous people, don’t you know that friendship with the world means enmity against God? Therefore, anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God. 5Or do you think Scripture says without reason that he jealously longs for the spirit he has caused to dwell in us? 6But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:

“God opposes the proud

but shows favor to the humble.”

7Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. 8Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. 9Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. 10Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.

11Brothers and sisters, do not slander one another. Anyone who speaks against a brother or sister or judges them speaks against the law and judges it. When you judge the law, you are not keeping it, but sitting in judgment on it. 12There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the one who is able to save and destroy. But you—who are you to judge your neighbor?

Boasting About Tomorrow

13Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” 14Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. 15Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.” 16As it is, you boast in your arrogant schemes. All such boasting is evil. 17If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them.

4Hear, O Israel: The

Lord

our God, the

Lord

is one.

5Love the

Lord

your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.

6These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts.

7Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.

8Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads.

9Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.

19My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,

20because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.

The Fall

1Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the

Lord

God had made. He said to the woman, “Did God really say, ‘You must not eat from any tree in the garden’?”

2The woman said to the serpent, “We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, 3but God did say, ‘You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.’ ”

4“You will not certainly die,” the serpent said to the woman. 5“For God knows that when you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.”

6When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it. 7Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves.

8Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the

Lord

God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the

Lord

God among the trees of the garden. 9But the

Lord

God called to the man, “Where are you?”

10He answered, “I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid.”

11And he said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?”

12The man said, “The woman you put here with me—she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it.”

13Then the

Lord

God said to the woman, “What is this you have done?”

The woman said, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.”

14So the

Lord

God said to the serpent, “Because you have done this,

“Cursed are you above all livestock

and all wild animals!

You will crawl on your belly

and you will eat dust

all the days of your life.

15And I will put enmity

between you and the woman,

and between your offspring and hers;

he will crush your head,

and you will strike his heel.”

16To the woman he said,

“I will make your pains in childbearing very severe;

with painful labor you will give birth to children.

Your desire will be for your husband,

and he will rule over you.”

17To Adam he said, “Because you listened to your wife and ate fruit from the tree about which I commanded you, ‘You must not eat from it,’

“Cursed is the ground because of you;

through painful toil you will eat food from it

all the days of your life.

18It will produce thorns and thistles for you,

and you will eat the plants of the field.

19By the sweat of your brow

you will eat your food

until you return to the ground,

since from it you were taken;

for dust you are

and to dust you will return.”

20Adam named his wife Eve, because she would become the mother of all the living.

21The

Lord

God made garments of skin for Adam and his wife and clothed them. 22And the

Lord

God said, “The man has now become like one of us, knowing good and evil. He must not be allowed to reach out his hand and take also from the tree of life and eat, and live forever.” 23So the

Lord

God banished him from the Garden of Eden to work the ground from which he had been taken. 24After he drove the man out, he placed on the east side of the Garden of Eden cherubim and a flaming sword flashing back and forth to guard the way to the tree of life.

10Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power.

11Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes.

12For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

13Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

14Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place,

15and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace.

16In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.

17Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

18And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.

19Pray also for me, that whenever I speak, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel,

20for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should.

11so is my word that goes out from my mouth:

It will not return to me empty,

but will accomplish what I desire

and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.

Susan Marks

Susan Marks is on staff at Passion City Church and serves as the Ministry Lead for Flourish, a mentoring program for women rooted in Scripture. Susan is married to Kevin and together have four adult children. Susan and Kevin can often be found adventuring in the mountains, and always love sharing a great meal with friends!