Astonishing Forgiveness
When Forgiveness Doesn’t Mean Reconciliation
Day 3
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It’s day three of Astonishing Forgiveness, and maybe as we’ve been walking through this topic together, you’ve felt the tension of forgiveness vs. reconciliation. It’s important to note that though forgiveness is required of us, reconciliation is not, and we see that in the story of Paul and Barnabas in Acts 15.
Some time later Paul said to Barnabas, “Let us go back and visit the believers in all the towns where we preached the word of the Lord and see how they are doing.” Barnabas wanted to take John, also called Mark, with them, but Paul did not think it wise to take him, because he had deserted them in Pamphylia and had not continued with them in the work. They had such a sharp disagreement that they parted company. Barnabas took Mark and sailed for Cyprus, but Paul chose Silas and left, commended by the believers to the grace of the Lord. He went through Syria and Cilicia, strengthening the churches.
Acts 15:36-41
When we read this text, we must recognize that following such a stark disagreement, Paul and Barnabas go their own ways, and as a result, churches were strengthened.
In an ideal world, every friendship and relationship would be mended — you and your offender would have a heart-to-heart, seek to understand each other, and change.
However, this isn’t the reality for many of us. We likely all have people in our lives who consistently cross boundaries, continue the same destructive patterns and behaviors, and refuse to repent. In this case, it is important to analyze whether reconciliation is the best option or if firm boundaries are necessary.
The goal isn’t to be a peacekeeper, trying to please people or suppress your feelings so that you can move on from the awkwardness or hurt you feel from another's actions. The goal is to be a peacemaker (Matthew 5:9)— being honest with your offender, accepting responsibility for your own wrongdoings, seeking a resolution, and, ultimately, glorifying God more as a result.
Though we cannot speak to your exact situation, we encourage you to pray and seek counsel from wise mentors as you consider whether reconciliation is the right next step.
God, I pray that I will be a peacemaker, sacrificing comfort and neutrality for the sake of stronger relationships and friendships that ultimately glorify you. Help me to have eyes to see and ears to hear another person's perspective. If possible, help me reconcile with my offender, but if not, help me set boundaries so that there is peace. Amen.