Astonishing Forgiveness

On day one, we addressed the importance of feeling and processing the weight of hurt from another person's actions. Today, we want to address the very real question of “what if forgiveness feels impossible?”

Maybe what happened to you personally was so egregious and inadmissible that even suggesting that you forgive your offender almost feels offensive. 

Though we may not be familiar with the hurt you have personally experienced, we do know of a story that may help you feel seen: the story of David and Saul in 1 Samuel 18-24. 

In this story, we see a young man (David) victorious in battle time and time again because God is with him. 1 Samuel 13:14 describes him as “a man after God’s own heart.” But after many wins, King Saul, who once had favor with God and good relations with David, begins to experience extreme jealousy. 

What began as kinship led to the ultimate betrayal: Saul sought David's death as retribution for his immense jealousy of David's many triumphs, even though he was fighting on his behalf. 

Can you imagine that? Someone you used to consider a friend, whom you (literally) went to battle for, wants you dead just because they don’t want to face their insecurities? There’s a reason Proverbs 27:4 reads, “Anger is cruel and fury overwhelming, but who can stand before jealousy?” James 3:16 says this about envy, “For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.” Where jealousy and envy ensue, disorder and evil practice follow, which is evidenced in this story.

David, in the eyes of the world, would have every excuse under the sun to seek revenge and make Saul pay for his many attempts at murdering him. The fear of being found by Saul and killed alone would be enough to drive someone crazy.

Maybe after someone has hurt you, you’ve convinced yourself that it’s okay if you're unkind to them or gossip about them to your friends. After all, in a world where self-preservation and protection are put on a pedestal, you don’t want to feel weak in the face of your enemy, and in our flesh, we can be led to think that grace is synonymous with being a doormat and that the only way we can right our wrongs is by getting even.

Yet, what we see in 1 Samuel 23 is the exact opposite of getting even. After the Lord delivers Saul into David’s hands, he prostrates himself in front of King Saul (verse 8) and says in verses 10-13:

This day you have seen with your own eyes how the Lord delivered you into my hands in the cave. Some urged me to kill you, but I spared you; I said, ‘I will not lay my hand on my lord, because he is the Lord’s anointed.’ See, my father, look at this piece of your robe in my hand! I cut off the corner of your robe but did not kill you. See that there is nothing in my hand to indicate that I am guilty of wrongdoing or rebellion. I have not wronged you, but you are hunting me down to take my life. May the Lord judge between you and me. And may the Lord avenge the wrongs you have done to me, but my hand will not touch you. As the old saying goes, ‘From evildoers come evil deeds,’ so my hand will not touch you.

David spent over a decade fleeing from Saul, and when he finally had the chance to seek retribution, he refused to strike him. This is astonishing forgiveness.

All things are possible with God, such as forgiving the highest offender. It’s not about seeking justice for yourself; it’s about trusting that God will be the ultimate judge.

Father, you know my deepest hurts and cries. Though I have been hurt, I pray that You would help me find freedom from the bondage of bitterness, rage, and frustration that I feel toward my offenders. Help me to forgive others as You have forgiven me, even when it feels impossible. I need Your Spirit. Amen.