Starting the Process of Healing from Church Hurt
Choosing Forgiveness Again and Again
Day 4
Stay on track with Passion Equip
Create a profile or sign in to track your progress and access your bookmarked content.
Like most healing journeys, recovering from church hurt is not a linear, one-way trip. Perhaps the slow struggle toward progress is felt most acutely when we try to forgive those who have hurt us.
In Matthew 18, Jesus teaches how to navigate conflict within the community of believers. Peter then tries to pull the perfect textbook answer out of Jesus:
Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, ‘Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?’ Jesus answered, ‘I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times’
Matthew 18:21-22
Some translations render Jesus’s response as “seventy times seven,” but the point is the same: forgiveness is an ongoing decision. It’s not meant to be counted but practiced.
But how do you practice forgiveness when someone who claims to follow Jesus acts otherwise? How can you be vulnerable with someone who has previously hurt you? How do you extend grace to someone who withheld it from you?
Again, we look to the cross.
With the world literally pulling Jesus apart, he said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” (Luke 23:34)
To his dying hour, there was no room in the heart of Jesus for bitterness toward a single person. He was full of love, which is why forgiveness poured out with his blood. He refused to take a grudge to his grave.
We’re often hesitant to forgive because we assume it means living as if nothing ever happened. Meanwhile, we may not realize the cost of holding on to bitterness. As the saying goes, “Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies.”
Forgiveness isn’t an eraser or a minimizer of our past. It’s a decision not to let our wounds have the final word. It’s a release of the heavy burdens we’ve carried for too long.
Rather than hold on to our hurt, we can follow the teachings of Paul:
Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
Colossians 3:13
Choosing to repeatedly forgive the same person who hurt you sounds unsustainable. And it is—in your own strength. But the forgiveness we’ve received from Jesus empowers us to do the same for others.
He has made a way. In the strength of the Spirit, may we walk in it.
Prayer
God, forgiveness is hard, and honestly, part of me doesn’t want to. But I don’t want to carry this weight forever. Teach me how to forgive like you’ve forgiven me. Fill me with your Spirit and help me do what I can’t do on my own.
Reflection
Is there someone you know you need to forgive? If so, what is holding you back?
How does it feel to hear that forgiveness is an ongoing process?
What would it look like to practice forgiveness right now?
