Four Attributes of God-Honoring Friendships

Nov 21

Gregg Matte breaks down four simple attributes of Godly friendship with gentle clarity. We all want good friends, and we all need to be good friends. With a closer look at David and Jonathan, we can see how God uses friendship to draw us closer to Him.

Key Takeaway

David and Jonathan's friendship exemplified the closeness that God desires for us to not only have with earthly friends, but with Him. Focusing on four attributes, we have the ability to experience intimate friendship and cultivate a God honoring community.

1) Sacrifice

"Dialogue of the deaf" is when you are thinking about you are going to say next while someone else is talking. This is incredibly self serving and we have been called to sacrifice. We can simply sacrifice our need to have to say something by asking questions and becoming a good listener.

David and Jonathan made a covenant with each other, placing each other's needs and interests above their own. This is more than a contract or flippant bargain. A covenant is a deep agreement. Jonathan sacrifices his robe, tunic, sword, bow, and belt and gives it to David, recognizing that he is handing over the kingship to David because David has been chosen to rule. Sacrifice comes naturally when motivated by love.

2) Loyalty

You find out how important loyalty is when you have been betrayed. In terms of friendship, it is better to have 4 quarters than 100 pennies. The Bible speaks of deep loyalty within the Body of Christ.

Romans 12: 4-5- "One Body"

Matthew 12: 46-50- "Brothers and Sisters"

Colossians 2:2- "Knitted together in love"

Philippians 2- "Comrades in arms"

Philemon 1:12- "My very heart"

1 Thessalonians 2:7- "Nursing mother"

When it comes to loyalty, the order is always Jesus, others, us.

3)Encouragement

Jonathan encouraged David in his faith, not in his career, his skills, or his relationships. This is interior encouragement versus exterior encouragement. It goes past the superficial, straight to the doorway that leads to a depth so deep that his soul finds a friend.

It is possible that Jonathan was 25-28 years older than David. This is a beautiful picture of the old encouraging the young and the young being humble enough to listen. When encouraging be sincere and be specific.

4) Kindness

After Saul and Jonathan had died, David looked for ways to show kindness to their remaining family. It would have been completely logical and expected for David to look for ways to kill the rest of their families so that there would be no threat to the Kingdom. But David, trusting that God had given him the kingdom, sought to continue to be kind towards Jonathan's family.

We are just like Mephibosheth. We are wounded, barely walking. We are hobbling in our sin and we need the kindness of a Savior to pull us in and make us part of His family and bring us to His table.

The friendship of Jesus is everything that we need. Through His sacrifice on the Cross, he died to save us from our sin and rose to life, conquering death to bring us new life. He will never leave us or forsake us, remaining loyal even when have not been. Though His Spirit, He is a constant source of encouragement in our faith in Him. His kindness leads us to repentance so that we can grow closer in friendship and intimacy with Him.

“

"I went out to find a friend, but could not find one there. I went out to be a friend, and found friends everywhere."

”

Author Unknown

Discussion Questions

What type of friend are you?
Do you find sacrifice in the context of friendship to be hard? Why or why not?
Have you ever been betrayed?
How did Jesus handle being betrayed by his closest friends? See John 21
Pastor Gregg gave multiple examples of the tender and intimate terms of loyalty that we are referred to as Believers. Were any of these new to you? Do you have any other verses that speak to how God thinks of us?
When you encourage your friends, do you focus on the external things or the interior things?
Is it easier to encourage in a generic way or as Pastor Gregg suggested, in a sincere and specific way?
How did David extend kindness?
Do you see yourself as Mephibosheth? As David?
What do you appreciate about your friendship with Jesus?

Scripture References

1.After David had finished talking with Saul, Jonathan became one in spirit with David, and he loved him as himself. 2.From that day Saul kept David with him and did not let him return home to his family. 3.And Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him as himself. 4.Jonathan took off the robe he was wearing and gave it to David, along with his tunic, and even his sword, his bow and his belt.

David and Mephibosheth 1.David asked, “Is there anyone still left of the house of Saul to whom I can show kindness for Jonathan’s sake?” 2.Now there was a servant of Saul’s household named Ziba. They summoned him to appear before David, and the king said to him, “Are you Ziba?” “At your service,” he replied. 3.The king asked, “Is there no one still alive from the house of Saul to whom I can show God’s kindness?” Ziba answered the king, “There is still a son of Jonathan; he is lame in both feet.” 4.“Where is he?” the king asked. Ziba answered, “He is at the house of Makir son of Ammiel in Lo Debar.” 5.So King David had him brought from Lo Debar, from the house of Makir son of Ammiel. 6.When Mephibosheth son of Jonathan, the son of Saul, came to David, he bowed down to pay him honor. David said, “Mephibosheth!” “At your service,” he replied. 7.“Don’t be afraid,” David said to him, “for I will surely show you kindness for the sake of your father Jonathan. I will restore to you all the land that belonged to your grandfather Saul, and you will always eat at my table.” 8.Mephibosheth bowed down and said, “What is your servant, that you should notice a dead dog like me?” 9.Then the king summoned Ziba, Saul’s steward, and said to him, “I have given your master’s grandson everything that belonged to Saul and his family. 10.You and your sons and your servants are to farm the land for him and bring in the crops, so that your master’s grandson may be provided for. And Mephibosheth, grandson of your master, will always eat at my table.” (Now Ziba had fifteen sons and twenty servants.) 11.Then Ziba said to the king, “Your servant will do whatever my lord the king commands his servant to do.” So Mephibosheth ate at David’s9:11 Septuagint; Hebrew my table like one of the king’s sons. 12.Mephibosheth had a young son named Mika, and all the members of Ziba’s household were servants of Mephibosheth. 13.And Mephibosheth lived in Jerusalem, because he always ate at the king’s table; he was lame in both feet.

14.David stayed in the wilderness strongholds and in the hills of the Desert of Ziph. Day after day Saul searched for him, but God did not give David into his hands.15.While David was at Horesh in the Desert of Ziph, he learned that23:15 Or he was afraid because Saul had come out to take his life. 16.And Saul’s son Jonathan went to David at Horesh and helped him find strength in God. 17.“Don’t be afraid,” he said. “My father Saul will not lay a hand on you. You will be king over Israel, and I will be second to you. Even my father Saul knows this.” 18.The two of them made a covenant before the Lord. Then Jonathan went home, but David remained at Horesh.

13.Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.

42.Jonathan said to David, “Go in peace, for we have sworn friendship with each other in the name of the Lord, saying, ‘The Lord is witness between you and me, and between your descendants and my descendants forever.’ ” Then David left, and Jonathan went back to the town.20:42 In Hebrew texts this sentence (20:42b) is numbered 21:1.

4.Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, forbearance and patience, not realizing that God’s kindness is intended to lead you to repentance?

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