Modern Dating, Timeless Principles

Jun 1

Key Takeaway

Through prayerful discernment, biblical principles, and faith-filled obedience, we can pursue dating in a way that honors God.

Longing for intimacy, romance, and marriage is a good thing. That desire for connection is good and holy, but it has gotten complicated.

There is a process of evaluation in dating, and though there isn't specific scripture on this topic, we can extract principles to help us.

Read Genesis 24:1-4.

The author wants to convey that Abraham doesn't just grab a servant when asking for help in finding a wife for Isaac; he grabs his most loyal employee and makes the most serious oath he can.

This text shows that God takes marriage seriously—it matters to Him. The longest chapter in Genesis (longer than creation) is the story of Isaac and Rebekah's marriage.

The person who would be chosen would need to be someone who was in allegiance to God.

We are meant to marry a man or woman of the faith and link our lives to those who share allegiance to God.

Whatever you think is most valuable will shape your values and decisions, and you need to be in lockstep on the biggest issues in life, like believing that loving God is the greatest commandment.

It's not enough to date someone who is nice and believes in the existence of a deity. You need someone with whom you can speak about the deepest issues of your heart. Don't settle here.

Read Genesis 24:5-6.

God told Abraham to live in a specific place. Therefore, the woman who would marry Isaac would need to be willing to move to be obedient to God.

In the same way, we need to marry people who are pursuing and walking with God, not just people who call themselves Christians.

Read Genesis 24:7-8.

If we can trust God with our eternity, we must trust Him with our future spouse. We are meant to be a people of faith in God.

Read Genesis 24:9-10.

We must look for spouses in the right places.

If you want to marry a child of God, come to God's house.

Read Genesis 24:11.

Godly men and women are those who work hard. You don't need to be successful—you just need someone who is industrious about the things that matter.

The best marriages are the ones that are on mission together.

Read Genesis 24:12.

Prayer takes the desperation out of dating. You don't need someone to fill your vacancies. We want to be fountains of love instead of drains.

We want to walk into rooms with faith that we have something to offer rather than just extracting things from others.

Read Genesis 24:13-14.

Notice the attribute he's looking for—that she's gracious.

We want to look for people who are gracious and kind.

Read Genesis 24:15-16.

Virginity isn't a prerequisite for you to be mightily used by God. But when we come to know Jesus, we must abstain from sexual immorality.

Sex sabotages the dating process and bonds us to people before we can evaluate character. Sex might be fun, but we need to assess if we can even trust the other person with our finances, kids, and future, and then marry before we engage sexually.

Sex is a gift that's meant to be enjoyed within its proper boundaries.

This isn't to bring shame—we all come to God impure. God gave us His Son so we could be washed clean. But we must seek out sexual purity.

Read Genesis 24:17-27.

Watch and learn. Some people's sins are quite evident, but others are secret. Just serving may not be enough—you can serve with a selfish spirit. Watch how people care for and serve others, younger and older than themselves.

You want a dating relationship that ends in worship.

Read Genesis 24:28-66.

We pray that you will walk by faith, marry someone who walks by faith, and run together for the purposes God has for your life, which will end in worship.

This story is a picture of you and me. It's about a son receiving all of his inheritance from God. We want to respond in faith and trust that we will see Him face-to-face one day.

Before you get your relationship with another right, you must get your relationship with God right.

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"If you want to marry a child of God, come to God's house."

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Ben Stuart

Why is it important to view the desire for intimacy and marriage as a good and holy longing?
What stands out to you about Abraham’s seriousness and intentionality in finding a wife for Isaac in Genesis 24:1-4?
How can your values and spiritual beliefs influence your choice of a dating partner?
What does Genesis 24 reveal about God’s involvement and concern in our relationships?
Why is it crucial to marry someone who shares a deep allegiance to God rather than just a general belief in Him?
How can dating someone on mission for God shape your future together as a couple?
What role should prayer play in your dating life, and how can it shift your mindset from desperation to discernment?
Why does sexual purity matter in the dating process, and how can it help us evaluate someone’s character?
What qualities should we look for in a godly partner beyond external appearance or charm?
How does this passage point to a bigger picture of our relationship with Jesus and the life of worship we’re called to?

Scripture References

Isaac and Rebekah 1.Abraham was now very old, and the Lord had blessed him in every way. 2.He said to the senior servant in his household, the one in charge of all that he had, “Put your hand under my thigh. 3.I want you to swear by the Lord, the God of heaven and the God of earth, that you will not get a wife for my son from the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I am living, 4.but will go to my country and my own relatives and get a wife for my son Isaac.” 5.The servant asked him, “What if the woman is unwilling to come back with me to this land? Shall I then take your son back to the country you came from?” 6.“Make sure that you do not take my son back there,” Abraham said. 7.“The Lord, the God of heaven, who brought me out of my father’s household and my native land and who spoke to me and promised me on oath, saying, ‘To your offspring24:7 Or seed I will give this land’—he will send his angel before you so that you can get a wife for my son from there. 8.If the woman is unwilling to come back with you, then you will be released from this oath of mine. Only do not take my son back there.” 9.So the servant put his hand under the thigh of his master Abraham and swore an oath to him concerning this matter. 10.Then the servant left, taking with him ten of his master’s camels loaded with all kinds of good things from his master. He set out for Aram Naharaim24:10 That is, Northwest Mesopotamia and made his way to the town of Nahor. 11.He had the camels kneel down near the well outside the town; it was toward evening, the time the women go out to draw water. 12.Then he prayed, “Lord, God of my master Abraham, make me successful today, and show kindness to my master Abraham. 13.See, I am standing beside this spring, and the daughters of the townspeople are coming out to draw water. 14.May it be that when I say to a young woman, ‘Please let down your jar that I may have a drink,’ and she says, ‘Drink, and I’ll water your camels too’—let her be the one you have chosen for your servant Isaac. By this I will know that you have shown kindness to my master.” 15.Before he had finished praying, Rebekah came out with her jar on her shoulder. She was the daughter of Bethuel son of Milkah, who was the wife of Abraham’s brother Nahor. 16.The woman was very beautiful, a virgin; no man had ever slept with her. She went down to the spring, filled her jar and came up again. 17.The servant hurried to meet her and said, “Please give me a little water from your jar.” 18.“Drink, my lord,” she said, and quickly lowered the jar to her hands and gave him a drink. 19.After she had given him a drink, she said, “I’ll draw water for your camels too, until they have had enough to drink.” 20.So she quickly emptied her jar into the trough, ran back to the well to draw more water, and drew enough for all his camels. 21.Without saying a word, the man watched her closely to learn whether or not the Lord had made his journey successful. 22.When the camels had finished drinking, the man took out a gold nose ring weighing a beka24:22 That is, about 1/5 ounce or about 5.7 grams and two gold bracelets weighing ten shekels.24:22 That is, about 4 ounces or about 115 grams 23.Then he asked, “Whose daughter are you? Please tell me, is there room in your father’s house for us to spend the night?” 24.She answered him, “I am the daughter of Bethuel, the son that Milkah bore to Nahor.” 25.And she added, “We have plenty of straw and fodder, as well as room for you to spend the night.” 26.Then the man bowed down and worshiped the Lord, 27.saying, “Praise be to the Lord, the God of my master Abraham, who has not abandoned his kindness and faithfulness to my master. As for me, the Lord has led me on the journey to the house of my master’s relatives.” 28.The young woman ran and told her mother’s household about these things. 29.Now Rebekah had a brother named Laban, and he hurried out to the man at the spring. 30.As soon as he had seen the nose ring, and the bracelets on his sister’s arms, and had heard Rebekah tell what the man said to her, he went out to the man and found him standing by the camels near the spring. 31.“Come, you who are blessed by the Lord,” he said. “Why are you standing out here? I have prepared the house and a place for the camels.” 32.So the man went to the house, and the camels were unloaded. Straw and fodder were brought for the camels, and water for him and his men to wash their feet. 33.Then food was set before him, but he said, “I will not eat until I have told you what I have to say.” “Then tell us,” Laban said. 34.So he said, “I am Abraham’s servant. 35.The Lord has blessed my master abundantly, and he has become wealthy. He has given him sheep and cattle, silver and gold, male and female servants, and camels and donkeys. 36.My master’s wife Sarah has borne him a son in her old age, and he has given him everything he owns. 37.And my master made me swear an oath, and said, ‘You must not get a wife for my son from the daughters of the Canaanites, in whose land I live, 38.but go to my father’s family and to my own clan, and get a wife for my son.’ 39.“Then I asked my master, ‘What if the woman will not come back with me?’ 40.“He replied, ‘The Lord, before whom I have walked faithfully, will send his angel with you and make your journey a success, so that you can get a wife for my son from my own clan and from my father’s family. 41.You will be released from my oath if, when you go to my clan, they refuse to give her to you—then you will be released from my oath.’ 42.“When I came to the spring today, I said, ‘Lord, God of my master Abraham, if you will, please grant success to the journey on which I have come. 43.See, I am standing beside this spring. If a young woman comes out to draw water and I say to her, “Please let me drink a little water from your jar,” 44.and if she says to me, “Drink, and I’ll draw water for your camels too,” let her be the one the Lord has chosen for my master’s son.’ 45.“Before I finished praying in my heart, Rebekah came out, with her jar on her shoulder. She went down to the spring and drew water, and I said to her, ‘Please give me a drink.’ 46.“She quickly lowered her jar from her shoulder and said, ‘Drink, and I’ll water your camels too.’ So I drank, and she watered the camels also. 47.“I asked her, ‘Whose daughter are you?’ “She said, ‘The daughter of Bethuel son of Nahor, whom Milkah bore to him.’ “Then I put the ring in her nose and the bracelets on her arms, 48.and I bowed down and worshiped the Lord. I praised the Lord, the God of my master Abraham, who had led me on the right road to get the granddaughter of my master’s brother for his son. 49.Now if you will show kindness and faithfulness to my master, tell me; and if not, tell me, so I may know which way to turn.” 50.Laban and Bethuel answered, “This is from the Lord; we can say nothing to you one way or the other. 51.Here is Rebekah; take her and go, and let her become the wife of your master’s son, as the Lord has directed.” 52.When Abraham’s servant heard what they said, he bowed down to the ground before the Lord. 53.Then the servant brought out gold and silver jewelry and articles of clothing and gave them to Rebekah; he also gave costly gifts to her brother and to her mother. 54.Then he and the men who were with him ate and drank and spent the night there. When they got up the next morning, he said, “Send me on my way to my master.” 55.But her brother and her mother replied, “Let the young woman remain with us ten days or so; then you24:55 Or she may go.” 56.But he said to them, “Do not detain me, now that the Lord has granted success to my journey. Send me on my way so I may go to my master.” 57.Then they said, “Let’s call the young woman and ask her about it.” 58.So they called Rebekah and asked her, “Will you go with this man?” “I will go,” she said. 59.So they sent their sister Rebekah on her way, along with her nurse and Abraham’s servant and his men. 60.And they blessed Rebekah and said to her, “Our sister, may you increase to thousands upon thousands; may your offspring possess the cities of their enemies.” 61.Then Rebekah and her attendants got ready and mounted the camels and went back with the man. So the servant took Rebekah and left. 62.Now Isaac had come from Beer Lahai Roi, for he was living in the Negev. 63.He went out to the field one evening to meditate,24:63 The meaning of the Hebrew for this word is uncertain. and as he looked up, he saw camels approaching. 64.Rebekah also looked up and saw Isaac. She got down from her camel 65.and asked the servant, “Who is that man in the field coming to meet us?” “He is my master,” the servant answered. So she took her veil and covered herself. 66.Then the servant told Isaac all he had done. 67.Isaac brought her into the tent of his mother Sarah, and he married Rebekah. So she became his wife, and he loved her; and Isaac was comforted after his mother’s death.

Ben Stuart

Ben Stuart is the pastor of Passion City Church D.C. Prior to joining Passion City Church, Ben served as the executive director of Breakaway Ministries on the campus of Texas A&M. He also earned a master’s degree in historical theology from Dallas Theological Seminary. He and his wife, Donna, live to inspire and equip people to walk with God for a lifetime.