This devotional will help you chart a course through four relational stages: singleness, dating, engagement, and marriage. Learn to embrace God’s design for each stage and invest your life in what matters most.

Sometimes the best way to figure out how to do something is to watch someone else do it. Why else would the Internet be filled with how-to videos? Often it’s easier to show than to tell. This same principle applies to navigating singleness. We need someone we can look to who lived the single life well.

The Bible doesn’t let us down. The apostle Paul exemplified godly singleness. He even said, “Imitate me, as I also imitate Christ” (1 Corinthians 11:1). The final portion of his letter to his young protégé, Timothy, written from prison, shows us a well-lived single life. His example gives us a vision of what our single years, when lived to the glory of God, can be and accomplish.

Paul showed us even from a prison cell, close to his death, he was directing ministry. He concerned himself with the people who would carry the torch of the gospel after he was gone. Notice that Paul’s ministry strategy involved mentoring young people who, in turn, would use their lives to help others.

Paul was surrounded by protégés and good friends. In addition to the people we’re investing our lives in, we need others who can share our burdens and struggles—brothers and sisters to lock arms with. From Paul, we see singleness as a stage to cultivate deep friendships. Many of us have acquaintances and coworkers we see and interact with. But we’re talking about relationships that go beyond a surface level—friends who push us forward in God’s call.

God’s presence filled Paul with the courage to proclaim the gospel, even while on trial for proclaiming that same gospel. Paul leveraged his time in prison and his life of singleness to advance the gospel. He didn’t seek to be put into prison, but he used his imprisonment as a platform for evangelism.

Whereas most people would have ended the letter by asking for help in getting out of prison, Paul found a way to rest in God. He had a broader view of the work of God, trusting Him with his ultimate redemption and rescue. Therefore, nothing could touch him. It’s impossible to control everything in life, but it’s possible to be both known and loved by the Creator of life itself. This truth gave Paul peace, and it can give us peace as well.

When you rest in God, you recognize your life is about your relationship with Him.

The way you relate to God is far more important than the way you relate to other human beings. Identity isn’t found in your friends, your dating relationships, or even your spouse. Identity is found in your relationship with Christ. He’s the only person who’s able to define you. When you’re in Christ, you’re adopted into the family of God as a son or a daughter of the King. Ultimately, flourishing in singleness (and in every other stage) depends upon having an identity that isn’t found in your relationships (or lack thereof) but in Christ.

The longest chapter in Genesis is about finding a wife.

Abraham called his most trusted servant and made him swear in the Lord’s name with one of the most serious of oaths in that day. Why this ceremony? Because Abraham knew that the person Isaac married would have more influence on him than any other person. Therefore, a wise person approaches the process of finding a spouse with an appropriate amount of seriousness. Our casual approach to dating doesn’t always reflect the seriousness with which God takes marriage.

Abraham was serious because marriage is serious. As we’ve seen and will continue to see, dating exists for evaluation. Dating provides spaces and context to evaluate whether you should marry someone. This doesn’t mean you should go on every date expecting to marry the person sitting across from you. However, it does mean you should discontinue the relationship at the point it becomes clear that marriage isn’t an option. To do that, you need to be armed with the proper criterion for evaluation.

Abraham was commanding his servant to find a wife for his son who was of the same faith. He told his servant not to get a Canaanite woman, because these people were polytheists, with the worship of their gods centering on violence. The only criterion Abraham specified was that the woman must be a believer in the one true God. And he was sending his servant on a journey of over five hundred miles to find her! Maybe the person God has for you isn’t part of your current relational circle, just as Isaac’s future wife wasn’t part of his.

Notice the resolve in Abraham’s instruction. If the servant didn’t find the right woman, he was free to come home. More often than not, we feel that compromise happens after we begin dating someone; when we’re tempted to compromise our standards of sexual and emotional purity. But integrity starts well before that.

God won’t always reveal His choice like this. It would be nice if we could pray, “Lord, let the person I sit beside at the coffee shop today be my future spouse,” and they show up. However, it’s significant to see the types of activities this servant hoped to find the woman engaged in. 

Abraham’s servant was hoping the woman would offer to give water to his camels, so he was looking for someone who was gracious and hospitable, even to a stranger. The implications are huge for relationships today. Our posture toward hospitality and generosity speaks volumes about our character and love for people.

Usually, when we talk about having chemistry with someone, we’re talking about physical compatibility.

Although this is important, it’s not the only form of chemistry we should look for. Through observation, Rebekah realized she had chemistry with Isaac. She observed his faith and theological compatibility (see vv. 26-27), his vocational compatibility (Abraham’s servant had brought camels with him, v. 10), and his social compatibility (Abraham’s servant stayed with her family, v. 31). These factors of chemistry and compatibility are vital in deciding who we’ll date.

Both character and chemistry should drive us when deciding who to date. When we focus on only one quality, we’ll ultimately be disappointed. But when we prioritize both characteristics, we’re likely to find people worth dating.  

In addition to providing ideas for who to date, Genesis 24 also shows us principles for dating in a way that honors God.

1. Start in the right place. If you’re going to date the right person in the right way, you’ve got to start by going to the right place. Nahor was Abraham’s brother, and Abraham sent his servant to Nahor’s town to search for a wife for Isaac. This makes sense, right? When it was time to choose a wife for Isaac, he sent his servant to the area with the highest concentration of believers. Yet today we don’t often make that explicit connection. If we’re looking for a man after God’s heart, we should go to places where men after God’s heart congregate. If we want a woman who prizes godly character, it follows that we should search for them in places where they might be found.
2. Start with the right posture. Abraham’s servant humbly asked God for success in finding the right person. Notice at the beginning and the end of the prayer he invoked God’s “steadfast love,” “lovingkindness,” or “kindness.” These various words all translate the Hebrew word hesed, which refers to God’s loyal love, a major theme in the Old Testament. This love binds God to His people, promising not to let go. The servant rooted the search for a spouse in his understanding that God cherished and promised to be with His people. He was confident that God cared about this search because He knew God cared about His people.
3. Strive for clarity. Initiate the dating relationship with clarity. Truthfully express your thoughts and intentions. Much of the anguish in modern dating could be alleviated if we mustered the courage to graciously tell each other what we think, how we feel, and what we’d like to do. Though it might feel easier in the moment to travel the path of ambiguity, establishing clarity serves both parties well. We can give each other the gift of freedom from anxiety simply by providing clarity. Simple statements like, “I’d like to get to know you. Could we go to dinner sometime?” help clarify relationships from the beginning. At the end of a date, asking, “Can I call you?” sets a clear expectation. If things aren’t working out, saying so gracefully lets the other person off the hook. No one likes being left in limbo.
4. Watch and learn. Clarity is an ever-growing process, aided by time and observation. Because dating is primarily designed to allow you to determine whether the other person is the right fit, you should prioritize that period of your life. That priority is reflected in Genesis 24. Anybody can be charming for an hour on a first date. There’s nothing wrong with charm, but it doesn’t tell the whole story. We need time to learn whether character lies beneath it. We should watch; observe; and learn in multiple, varied environments. By starting in the right spot, praying honestly, seeking and offering clarity, and observing the other person in action, you can begin to date with wisdom and intentionality.

Corinth was wild.

As a port city with a lot of money, it could provide travelers with the opportunity for illicit encounters. Liberating sexuality from the confines of marriage didn’t bring freedom. In fact, one reason the church grew in the earliest days of Christianity is exactly because the sexual ethic of Jesus’ followers led to healthier, happier lives, particularly for women.

Paul teaches us that the physical union of sexual immorality directly violates our identity as people who’ve been united with Christ.

No other sin carries this consequence. Our bodies were purchased with a price: the death of Jesus. We don’t have rights over our own body, much less someone else’s. Therefore, Paul tells us to flee sexual sin. Modern culture, like the culture in Corinth, has a casual view of sexuality, but Paul elevated the often unseen yet dangerous consequences.

The Greek word for “sexual immorality” (v. 18) is the root of our English word pornography. It refers to any sexual activity outside the bounds of marriage. If someone isn’t your spouse, they’re your brother or your sister in Christ. Our dating lives should be marked by God-honoring purity. That means recognizing that sex is a good gift from a God who loves us, to be enjoyed inside the boundaries of marriage. However, If you’ve ever made a sexual mistake, there’s hope. Paul didn’t leave us with guilt and shame.

Paul listed a litany of sins, one of which was sexual immorality. People who practice these sins “will not inherit God’s kingdom.” (v. 9). Paul said some of us were defined by the sins he listed. However, three words give us hope: “used to be” (v. 11). Now we’re free from the sins that once had a grip on our hearts. Through Jesus, the sin that used to master us has been washed away. Our Savior has justified and sanctified us through the cross.

It’s worth mentioning that in Paul’s second letter to the Corinthians, he seems to give us the rest of the story about the guy who was unrepentant of sexually inappropriate behavior. The community confronted him, and he repented. Writing in his follow-up letter, Paul called the Corinthians not only to forgive the man but also to comfort him and love him. God’s goal isn’t to shame or punish us. On the contrary, a good friend honestly tells you when you’re making serious mistakes. The goal is restorative, not punitive. This is good news. If you’ve been reading this and feel condemned, that isn’t the goal. Conviction is, but God convicts us so that He can comfort us. You can change. And the people of Jesus are meant to come around you and support you in the restoration process.

A study of the dangers of sexual immorality can tempt us to think God is anti-sex, but that’s not true. The good news is that God is pro-sex. Sex was His idea. 

God isn’t against sex, but He’s against its distortion. Why? Because God is pro-people. He’s for you and your dating partner. He wants what’s best for you because He loves you even more than you love yourself.

When it comes to young, budding love, the Bible has a great example for us.

Beautifully written with symbols and imagery, this book expounds on the beauties of love in all of its passion, showing us a picture of the kind of love we should aim for as we experience the season of engagement. Song of Solomon shows us how we can have confidence we’re with the right person.

1. Look for excitement. “Your name is perfume poured out” (v. 3) is a poetically beautiful way of saying when his name is brought up, it causes a pleasant reaction in her and in others. It’s a way of saying that he has a good character. A sweetness. A solid reputation. She’s excited to hear his name. Four people or groups speak in Song of Solomon: God, the man, the woman, and the woman’s friends.
2. Look for friendship. Notice the excitement the man has for the woman. He doesn’t walk to her. He leaps over the mountains and bounds over the hills. The Hebrew word used in 2:10, translated as “darling,” is translated elsewhere in the Old Testament as “neighbor,” “companion,” or “friend.” In other words, their relationship isn’t built on physical attraction alone. It’s knit closer and closer together by their continued kindness and friendship, which drives the excitement we see in these verses. One biblical mark of a love that lasts a lifetime is friendship.
3. Look for growth. How do you know you’re with the right person? They produce growth in you over time. Different areas of your life begin to blossom and ripen. Because of your relationship with that person, your life begins to look more and more like Jesus. If your life is already growing because of your partner, imagine what it could look like over a lifetime. Conversely, if your partner isn’t causing growth in you, imagine the spiritual decline that could occur over a lifetime.
4. Look for vulnerability. Maybe you, like this couple, have arrived at a place in your relationship where you’re increasingly convinced this is the person you’re supposed to marry. On the first few dates the risk you took was limited to a little time and money. But as you continued to evaluate each other during the season of dating, the risk increased. The potential of getting hurt grew as you became more vulnerable with each other. One way we expose the hidden places of our hearts is through confession. For all of us, it means being honest about ways we’ve failed to live with purity or integrity. And for all of us, it means being honest about sins we’ve personally committed. Before you’re engaged, you should have weathered a moment of confession between each other. That process continues during engagement. Revealing your missteps during engagement is vital to avoid surprises in marriage, and to establish the freedom of knowing all of the doors in your lives are open in your home. This might be a difficult conversation, but wading into these waters signals a deep level of trust in your partner and greatly increases the bond between the two of you.
5. Look for trust. When a vulnerability is received and reciprocated, it allows trust to deepen. The man is extolling the beauty of the innermost places of the woman’s heart, the places she may be inclined to hide from view, fearing that if they were exposed, they would leave her raw, ugly, and rejected. The man builds incredible trust by affirming and valuing her as she reveals more and more about herself. How do you know you’re supposed to be with someone? You have a relationship marked by trust. Wisdom is found in community. Some threats are hard for us to see until we’ve experienced them. Bad communication, inappropriate relationships, poor financial planning, and relationships in each other’s family all have the potential to cause stress during engagement. Part of building trust is allowing your community to speak into your relationships from their experience to the glory of God

Marriage is intended to be both a picture of Jesus and a pursuit of Jesus. To live and thrive as a married couple, we’re called to leverage our marriage for God’s mission. Aquila and Priscilla are beautiful examples. 

The latter half of the Book of Acts focuses primarily on the missionary work of Paul. In this passage we find him in the middle of his second missionary journey, when he met this remarkable couple. In a time when the Jewish population was experiencing much unrest, arguing over whether Jesus was the true Christ, the Roman emperor Claudius had driven the Jews, Aquila and Priscilla among them, out of the city of Rome.

Paul was one of the central figures creating unrest as he worked to spread the gospel. Aquila and Priscilla, driven from their homeland to a city called Corinth, might have been frustrated with Paul. After all, it was because of him they had lost their home. But let’s read about their first interaction with Paul.

Aquila and Priscilla let Paul move in! Paul went out every Sabbath to persuade people that Jesus was the Christ. Then he came back to stay with this couple. Paul didn’t just stay with them a couple of nights. He stayed for a year and a half! Remember, Aquila and Priscilla didn’t just take in a nice guy who was their friend. Looking back now, thousands of years later, we would gladly welcome the apostle Paul into our home. He literally met Jesus and wrote much of the New Testament. But at this point in history, Aquila and Priscilla were making a risky move. This move, though, made it obvious they were committed to the mission of Jesus, willing to leverage their home and their safety for the advancement of the gospel. Aquila and Priscilla’s hospitality is the first characteristic that shows us they were a couple who lived on mission for Jesus.

When Paul set sail from Corinth to Ephesus, Aquila and Priscilla left with him (see v. 18). When they arrived in Ephesus, Paul left them and returned to Antioch (see vv. 19-22). Why did Paul leave them in Ephesus? Apparently, God had other plans for this married couple. While in Ephesus, they met a man named Apollos.

Apollos was a talented preacher, and Aquila and Priscilla listened to him teach in the synagogue. Though Apollos was talented, his theology was a bit off in his understanding of Christian baptism. Aquila and Priscilla didn’t complain to others in the synagogue about Apollos’s poor theology. They didn’t post a video online to shame him. They didn’t whisper behind his back. They also didn’t wait for Paul or another pastor to arrive and correct him. “They took him aside” without humiliation or public shame, correcting him in a redemptive, edifying way. Their words served to build him up rather than tear him down. Why did they approach Apollos this way? Because their primary concern as a couple was for the gospel to go forth with integrity and power.

Not only were Aquila and Priscilla willing to leverage their home and business for the sake of the gospel, but they also saw every situation as an opportunity for ministry.

They took great ownership and care in God’s mission, so they couldn’t let doctrinal error stand. Instead, they lovingly corrected Apollos. This couple embodied living on mission.