“Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.” (Hebrews 11:1, NIV)
Recently, a sweet gal sent me a message on Instagram.
She wanted me to know more about her story.
She thought she’d been obedient to God for the past decade after an immense heartbreak, but she was questioning that now because her life was still really hard.
She wanted to know if I would be so positive and confident in trusting the Lord if I hadn’t met Chaz, who I’m now married to.
Such a fair and understandable question.
Trusting God without seeing the redemption we thought we’d get to see by now can feel like the deepest betrayal of all. It’s also what builds our faith, but sometimes we’d rather have relief than another learning opportunity.
I sat with her question for a while. I don’t hang out in my DMs often and rarely get to respond as much as I would like to. But since I read this message, I knew I needed to respond. And I didn’t want my answer to just gloss over her deep pain with a few cliché sentences and a Bible verse. She deserved more than that. And so do you as you may find yourself navigating something similar.
This is what I wrote back:
I’ve spent many nights staring up into the sky, bewildered as I felt my disappointment turn into grief turn into numbness turn into distance from God. There were so many times when I thought God was about to turn everything around, but then things got worse, not better. Some of my darkest days were when I could not make sense of what God was allowing. And my fear was: Because God allowed all of this, what else might He allow? Slowly, I have realized I cannot attach my hope to God making things feel fair. And I certainly can’t attach my hope to the outcomes I desperately want. I have to attach my hope to who God is. He is good. He is faithful. He is my Father who loves me.
God’s character, which never changes, is His personal promise to me. And to you. We can stand with assurance on who He is even when we don’t understand what He does or doesn’t do. There are still hurtful things happening surrounding my divorce too. I wish this wasn’t the case for either of us.
I am grateful God has brought a man who loves Jesus into my life and grateful for all the joy that comes along with being in a healthy relationship. But even this gift comes with its own fears and uncertainties. So my challenge now is not to tie my hope of a better future to this new man. It’s the same lesson I was learning during the many years of feeling so very alone. It’s the same lesson once again, just with different challenges. I’ve asked the same question when my friends found new love while I was still in the midst of intense loneliness. It’s so hard. I understand and so wish I could look into your future and whisper back to you all the wonderful things ahead of you. While I can’t do that, I can promise God is at work. Hang on, beautiful friend.
I wanted to make more concrete promises to her about what God is working on. I would have loved to give her a time frame to help ease her angst. I would love for there to be a way to make this possible for all of us. But I guess through my own journey, I’ve come to terms with the truth that if it was good for us to have this information, God would surely give it to us. So the fact that He isn’t allowing us access to these specific details lets me know that having that information isn’t what’s best.
I rarely like not knowing or not having my “why?” questions answered. I don’t always want to leave room for the mystery of God. I’m not usually eager to claim verses like Hebrews 11:1 to be my favorite: “Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see” (NIV).
I want faith to operate with the speed of my eyesight. I am desperate for visible evidence, so faith doesn’t feel so risky. But faith doesn’t work that way.
Faith will always make us anxious and unsure unless we are confident in the goodness of God. If we stand firm on His goodness and know everything He allows is somehow flowing from that goodness, then we will have a lot less fear in trusting Him. Faith in God means to be assured of His goodness even when what He allows doesn’t feel good, seem good, or look good right now.
This is a lot to sit with, but I hope you feel a little less alone today as you walk through your own hard situations right now. Like the sweet friend who sent me a message, we all have “what-if” questions we’re carrying around. But I’ve found the best way to fight through our toughest questions is to create space in our thoughts for more of God’s perspective.
Prayer
Father, I believe that You care deeply for me and know what is best for my life. Even in the moments when I don’t understand what You’re doing or why I’m walking through a certain situation, I will continue to be obedient and follow after You. In Jesus’ name, amen.
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