Family

Grant Partrick joins us for a special talk on Father’s Day, reminding us that few things are more powerful than a father’s words. Though everyone’s experience as a father or as children of fathers varies, we can ultimately find confidence knowing that the love of our heavenly Father meets our greatest needs.

Fathers, don’t frustrate your children with no-win scenarios. Take them by the hand and lead them in the way of the Master Ephesians 6:4, MSG Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6, ESV I’m fifty-seven, and with Susan, my wife of thirty-two years, we have four amazing adult children ages thirty to twenty-two. I think that’s why the Passion Equip team asked me to write a few words to young fathers. You know… he’s old, married to Susan (a major plus), and has four grown kids who seem mostly normal.  The timing could not be better for this ask, given that in the last two months, we’ve seen our son, Trenton, get married, and then shortly after, our daughter, Chloe, get engaged. Recent days have been filled with musings of wondering where time has gone and reflecting on endless memories of recitals and tournaments and broken bones and long nights and tears and laughter and proud moments and disappointing moments and family vacations and so many I can’t believe they said that moments. Seriously, where did the time go?  As a young father, you’ve likely already been told by someone older, maybe your own father or a mentor, that your kids will grow up fast, and you too will one day wonder, as I am, “Where did the time go?” But there is an invitation here, maybe even a warning, to be purposeful and intentional in how you pour into your children. The above verses, Ephesians 6:4 and Proverbs 22:6, offer some foundational guidance on how to do that, and there are endless lists of very helpful books and resources that can also offer biblically-based guidance on how to be a great father. But today, I’m not really focused on giving you a lesson, formula, or a set of steps.  Instead, from one dad to another, I want to share some of the foundational lynchpin principles I’ve learned (at times the hard way) as I’ve navigated my own journey as a father. It’s worth noting that what I’m offering is less about how you can be a great dad and more about how you, a man of God, can be leveraged by God to unlock your child’s heart for Him so they can live fully and freely in the purposes of God. That’s our call. To help our kids discover who God created them to be, point them in the right direction, and remind them repeatedly that with Jesus, nothing is impossible.  Ultimately, your sons and daughters will decide how they will live their lives and who or what they will live for. That’s the unsettling part of being a dad, right? Trust me, Susan and I have had seasons where there were major questions about how our kids would choose to live their lives. So, while there are no guarantees, we have done our best to cultivate healthy soil for our kids to plant themselves in while growing up.  Here’s some of what I’ve learned along the way… Be a husband first and a father second. Right now, someone reading this may be thinking, “Hey, wait a second, God is supposed to be first.” I’m certainly not setting God aside, but God is not linear, meaning he’s not just first; He’s first and last and everything in between. God is in your marriage, and God is in your parenting. And he has created a family order that starts with the marriage of a man and a woman. Too many families with good intentions have evolved into being child-centered, where their lives are oriented around their kids’ schedules, preferences, desired experiences, etc.  If you stay on this path too long, you’ll look at your wife one day and realize you’re functioning as co-parents rather than a married couple. You are a better dad when you are an invested husband. And your kids will benefit greatly when they are not the center of your family equation, a position they were never meant to have and are ill-equipped to handle.  When our oldest son, Tyler, was a toddler, he suddenly decided sleeping through the night was optional. After a couple of weeks of weariness and frustration, we mentioned our predicament to an older couple, and they suggested “couch time.” What? We didn’t need couch time; we needed bedtime!  They suggested that each day after I got home from work, Susan and I would enjoy some uninterrupted time on the couch, talking with one another while Tyler played on the floor. When Tyler came up to get our attention or whined, we’d simply move him back to his play area and tell him Mommy and Daddy were having our time together.  At first, we had to do this several times, but over the course of a few days, Tyler stopped interrupting and, more importantly, started sleeping through the night again. Why? Because even Tyler, as a toddler, could sense that our family order needed to be restored. There’s a security and assurance that our kids receive when they are living within the order God intended.  Prayer is your best weapon (read 2 Corinthians 10:3-4, James 5:16, and Ephesians 6:18). Susan has been a prayer warrior for as long as I’ve known her, which has been an amazing gift and hedge of protection around our family. She has journaled her prayers for me and our children, and I’ve witnessed countless nights of her praying over our children while they are sleeping. But men, and I know I’m being perhaps overly general, we need to get in the game! Susan and I have seen some of the most significant breakthroughs in our kids’ lives when we’ve prayed together for them. And, for what it’s worth, we’ve experienced some of our deepest areas of nearness to one another when I have been the one to initiate and lead in this area. Don’t let prayer become a reactive afterthought; it is the most powerful and strategic thing you can do for your children.  Modeling matters. Your kids will learn and internalize much more from what you do than you say. There is no stronger influence, for better or worse, than you. Want your sons to be great husbands? Be one to their mother. Want your daughter to choose a godly man? Cherish and love her sacrificially so she doesn’t seek the approval of men in unhealthy ways. Want to see your kids make their faith their own and enjoy the Christian community? Be the same man at home as you are at church on Sunday. Want your kids to be humble? Let them experience an apology and a request for forgiveness when you mess up.  No matter how stiff the cultural headwinds are, you’re called to lead your family to holiness. You are facing societal challenges to your family that I did not. Yet, there’s never been a time when we, as Christians, were not called to be set apart. And in an age of extremism on either side of the ideological spectrum, there’s nothing more countercultural or radical than living righteously. But how do you lead your family in that direction when it’s more common for Christians to blend in? This topic deserves much more space than I have in this article, but I think it starts by going beyond making limits and laying down nos; and it’s about helping your kids see the heart of God within his holiness. Why are we called to avoid certain things? Why do we make different choices than other families do? Help your kids see that God is never about restriction but about freedom and flourishing. Help them see that today’s decisions impact the destinations they will reach tomorrow. Small sacrifices > big experiences. Recently I asked our kids what some of their best memories were growing up. I expected to hear about our family vacations, the best Christmas gift they received, or when we sent them on a cool trip. Nope. Instead, I heard things like games we played at home, all-night conversations, years of me coaching their teams, camping in the backyard, building forts… you get the point. We can go to great lengths to wow our kids (and keep up with what other families are doing), but the simple, genuine, I’m available to you moments will anchor the most important memories in their hearts. Look for simple ways to be intentional with your kids collectively and individually. It will mark them for life.  Being a dad is a treasured gift and one of your highest callings in life, and I hope sharing some of my own experiences as a dad is helpful and encouraging. As I wrap up this article, I want to finish with perhaps the most important advice I can offer you.  Pursue your children’s hearts.  Jesus said in Luke 6:45, “A good man brings good things stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of. Proverbs 4:23 adds, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” Yes, as a dad, you want your kids to be smart and successful and have a strong work ethic and a great community of friends. But above all, you want them to have good and healthy hearts that beat for the redemptive things of God. That’s why our number one priority as parents has been to pursue their hearts. Susan and I would often say about our kids, “Open mouths, open hearts,” meaning that when communication was open, and they were sharing freely with us (especially during their teen years), then we knew that even when circumstances were hard and behavior was off, their hearts were open and accessible to us. So, dads, pursue your sons’ and daughters’ hearts, for everything they do in life will be built on it.  Grace and peace.

Why is Good Friday called good? As a child, I remember feeling confused by Good Friday. To me the idea of Jesus being hurt and killed seemed anything but good. Even now as a mother to 4, I’ve seen the same question in the eyes of my children as we’ve discussed the events leading up to Easter.  For many families of small children, we can be tempted to gloss over the brutality of Passover week and simply celebrate with peeps, pastels, and baskets rather than talking about the historical fact and life-transforming truth of these important days.  You might wonder if talking about the cross will make them feel sad, overwhelmed, or even scared, but as we seek to raise our children to be Jesus followers, it’s important that we find the words to teach our children the whole story. Especially the story of  Good Friday and Easter as our faith hinges on these incredible true events in history. Here are a few ways to start a conversation in your home…  Begin with scripture. There is always power in the Word of God. Around the dinner table or in a moment that isn’t rushed, take a few minutes to slowly read Luke 22-23 together and give space for conversation and questions. Don’t worry if you can’t answer every question; this is a time for the whole family to grow. And if the kids have the wiggles and don’t seem like they’re catching it all, don’t fret or get frustrated.  Your obedience in opening the Word in your home is planting seeds in their hearts, and I promise they are catching more than you think.  Invite your kids to tell the story back to you in their own words and see what parts of the story captured their attention. Then, read the account of the crucifixion again from The Jesus Storybook Bible or another children’s bible that paraphrases scripture in language geared specifically towards kids.   As a parent, you know your own kids the best, so use simple age-appropriate words they can easily understand. While you don’t have to use graphic detail, our kids should understand the weight of what Jesus experienced on the cross on our behalf. It’s important to connect Jesus’ death on the cross to our sins.  Without understanding sin, we cannot fully grasp the significance of Jesus’ love and his sacrifice on the cross. Remind your kids that Jesus was perfect and never sinned yet, he chose to die a brutal death on the cross for our sins. As it is so beautifully written in the Jesus StoryBook Bible, God loved us so much that he gave his “Never Stopping, Never Giving Up, Unbreaking, Always and Forever Love” to Jesus.    Spoiler alert! We know how the story ends, so we call Good Friday, good. The hard, heavy, and beautiful truth is that Jesus died for our sins, but we don’t despair or lose hope because Jesus didn’t stay dead — he rose from the grave and defeated death once and for all. Jesus is alive! Help your kids see the whole story, both the ache of the cross and the joy of the empty tomb. Jesus’ act of love on the cross and rising from the dead means that we now can have life forever. This is the gospel, the Good News.   Jesus said “Let the little children come to me”, and He is still calling children to Himself. The work and revelation God does in our children’s hearts is not cute; it is holy.  In discipling our children, we must talk about the cross, sin, and hope of Jesus often in our home, don’t simply save it for Easter weekend. We are Easter people every day of the year. As a parent, I’ve experienced God using these conversations with my children to impact and sharpen my own faith. The more we talk about the things of God in our home, the more we all will grow in our relationship with Him.    Resources // Jesus Story Book bible –  Incredible resource for families that explains the thread of Jesus through scripture from Genesis to Revelation in a way that kids and parents can both understand and enjoy.   Bible Project – For older kids, teens (and parents!), the Bible Project offers incredible short and free videos that help visually explain scripture. Your kids will be captivated by the storytelling in these videos which will lead to great conversation. Luke 19-23 Video Sacrifice and Atonement

In our final week of this collection, Ben Stuart tackles how to tactfully handle conflict in a way that honors God, gives dignity to the other, and allows you to be honest. We are going to have to speak, but we are given a blueprint on how to speak the truth in love.

In this talk, Mikado Hinson, the Director of Player Development at Texas A&M, joined us to kick off the series: The Beauty of Belonging. He cautions us against the thorns of isolation and encourages us to live our lives in the way God intended— in connection with Him and His people.

Our lives are filled with relationships, and we were created to be in close community with others. This five-day journey helps us understand that as we depend on Christ to do within us that which we cannot do on our own, we (and our relationships) will be strengthened and filled with the fruit of the Spirit.

“God, you are the awesomest. Amen.”  “Jesus, please help mom remember to get pudding at the store. I ask every day and she always forgets.”  “Dear Lord, I really don’t like third grade. The boy next to me has bad breath. Please fix it so I don’t have to go. Thank you.”   Innocent, uncomplicated, and brutally honest.  As a young mom, I was still learning about prayer for myself (honestly, I still am)! How was I supposed to teach my children to grow their prayer lives when I was still working on my own? Two decades later, I now realize that I was way overthinking it. My kids, with their unfiltered, heartfelt brain dumps, were off to a great start!  At its core, prayer is simply talking to God. This seems to come naturally to most children. As parents, we just need to encourage and guide these God conversations so that prayer becomes a trusted and integral part of their day-to-day lives.  Use the Word The most effective and powerful way to develop your prayer life is to use Scripture. Praying God’s Word ensures that our prayers align with His will and that we will receive what is asked within the correct context (James 4:3, 1 John 5:14-15). Praying Scripture also draws us closer to God’s heart and renews our minds to be more like Christ’s (Romans 12:2). If your child is anxious, teach them 1 Peter 5:7 and pray, “Lord, I cast all my fears onto you because you care for me.” Or if a friend is sick they could pray Matthew 14:14, “Thank you Jesus that you feel compassion for them and You heal those that are sick.” You can also encourage your child to pray for things they want to see begin to happen in themselves or the world around them- freedom from sin (Romans 6:18), humility (1 Peter 5:5), discernment (Psalm 119:66) or servanthood (Mark 10:45).  Get Creative Kids are endless sources of creativity. They just love to make up stories, sing songs at the top of their lungs, and cover everything with glitter and glue. Using our creative gifts is a fun and immersive way to practice prayer. When you and your child are singing a worship song, encourage them to wrap their heart around praying the words as they sing them. Pray the lyrics of “Waymaker” over a challenging situation or “Glorious Day” when you’re having a tough one. Drawing as you pray is a great way to get out thoughts and feelings that may be difficult to put into words. And incorporating our imaginations can be a powerful tool. When my children would have nightmares, I would have them imagine Jesus on the throne in heaven. I’d ask them to use their hand to pull the nightmare from their brain and then give it to Jesus. It always gave them so much peace to have a visual of Jesus taking away the source of their fear.    Establish a Routine  Did you grow up praying at bedtime or before each of your meals? There is nothing magical about praying at these set times. They are just examples of establishing a prayer routine. Research shows there are numerous benefits to a predictable daily routine and that scheduling an item greatly increases the likelihood of that action being completed. Sit down with your kids and talk about making a family prayer routine. What consistent times work well for you? In the Robinson home, we pray before meals and we take extra time to pray with each child as we put them to bed at the end of the day. It doesn’t happen every single meal or every single night but, thanks to our routine, we are pretty close.  The most important thing you can teach your child about prayer is just to do it and do it all the time. There is literally never a moment that we cannot pray. Prayers can be serious or funny, short or long, aloud or silent. Prayers can be for yourself or someone else. Prayers can be filled with gratitude or heavy with frustration. You can pray while driving, walking, or taking a bath. You can tell God you really like that tree He made in your front yard or you can ask Him to heal your grandmother. Nothing is too big or too small to pray. Prayer can and should be a lifestyle, a way of living every day, a continual conversation with the One who knows you best.

They desire to understand—a trait we want to encourage as parents and, more often than not, be the voice that answers their questions. Remember the “why” years? Those years where every day you are bombarded by dozens upon dozens of questions, one on top of the next, until you’ve almost been “why-ed” to the point of exhaustion?  Those questions keep showing up through the years. Maybe not as often—typically with a much weightier question like, “Why do bad things happen?” Our kids eventually begin to recognize that there are beautiful moments and beauty to behold in life but also seasons of loss, disappointment, and pain. While this is not an easy topic to dive into, we absolutely want to be the ones to create a Scriptural narrative around why bad things happen.  This conversation could go in a lot of different directions. And while we need to keep it age-appropriate, we don’t want to water down the truth for our children.  Here are a few thoughts to help frame these conversations: Genesis 3. This is a great place to start to establish that there’s an adversary who wants to convince us to doubt God and turn away from what God says is best. That began in the Garden of Eden with Adam and Eve. Because Eve chose to listen to and obey the serpent, the Devil, rather than God, sin entered the world. Sin brought destruction and death into our world, and it continues to this day. But God, in every way and in every season since then, is in the process of redeeming and bringing beauty from ashes. Even in that pivotal moment in the garden, God promised to provide redemption and hope for the whole world through Jesus Christ. (Gen 3:15) Personal stories. There is incredible power in personal testimony. When we’ve witnessed God move in our own lives or the lives of our family and friends, those are stories we want to share and leverage for faith-building and encouragement. Psalm 145:4 challenges us to commend His works from one generation to the next! Praising Jesus for what He’s done for us brings remembrance. And remembering can produce thanksgiving, joy, and hope! The story of Joseph (Genesis 37-50). An incredible story to demonstrate how someone can be mistreated and misunderstood, and one in which our humanity might normally choose to cry ‘unfair’ and lose hope. But Joseph models faithfulness to God and never gives up hope. Through all the details, we see God in Joseph’s story preparing and moving Joseph into a position of leadership, second in command to Pharaoh, where he eventually saves his family and all of Egypt during a famine. He declares in Genesis 50, “As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today.” Jesus Christ. The greatest example of all! Our Savior, of whose story we know the end, and it is victory. He came knowing He would live a perfect life, He would be crucified, buried, and He would rise from the dead, conquering death and sin and offering salvation to all people and one day, full redemption of the whole world! His life, death, and resurrection give us hope in every season we experience in this life.  Sometimes there is not a perfect easy answer to what our children experience in this life. Pastor Louie Giglio has framed it this way: we are either in a storm, coming out of a storm, or heading into a storm. If we can help our children understand that life, as amazing as it can be, will not be void of storms, we can help equip them with an attitude of hope and expectation. A heart posture that is intent on seeing Jesus in all the seasons of life and choosing to trust Him even when it doesn’t make sense. Many years ago, I came across a quote from Wallace Stegner that read, “The brook would lose its song if we removed the rocks.” I remember logging that thought into my head as without the rocks, the brook would lose its song. I had lost my mom to cancer years earlier, I was a mom of 2 young boys, and I was struggling with bouts of deep anxiety. This simple quote helped me frame difficult seasons like this one in my life with purpose. Rocks that felt sharp and jagged initially were tossed into the stream of life. They became smooth through the years, worn soft by Living Water which created a unique and beautiful life song that told a story of the good, the hard, and the faithfulness of Jesus Christ toward me. I learned to see the rocks differently.  My hope is to help my family grasp the truth that when difficult things happen in our lives or the lives of others, there is treasure to be found—namely Jesus Christ. In all things, no matter the outcome, we fix our eyes on Jesus, stand firm in faith, and trust that our amazing God is working all things for our good and His glory.

The language changes as they mature and become capable of more information regarding a particular topic, but the goal remains the same – to help them see all of life anchored in Scripture and Jesus Christ.  Many conversations come with ease, while others can feel a bit daunting. Like how to talk to your kids about hard things. Inevitably, life will expose our children to difficult seasons and topics of discussion. Whether they experience it firsthand or see it in the lives of those around them, they are bound to bump up against hard stuff in life. With that being true, how do we help our children understand the reality of hard things and use every opportunity to prepare, encourage, and equip them? Here are ten things to keep in mind:    Pray! Ask God regularly for the wisdom needed to teach and guide your children. If we lack wisdom, He says ask and He’ll give generously! (James 4)You don’t have to wait for the hard thing to happen to begin to deposit truths that can give your children wisdom and a leg up in life. (Deuteronomy 6:4-9)Listen well and ask questions to bring understanding and help create a safe space for kids to talk and share what’s on their hearts. Open mouth, open heart. No topic is off-limits! Be mindful of how you respond to what a child shares. Stay calm, hear them out, and ask more questions. This keeps the space safe and open for ongoing discussion. Quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to become angry. (James 1:19-20)If you don’t have a response, be honest about that. Commit to coming back with some thoughts another time. Pray, research, or talk to others who can help bring clarity to the topic and be sure to follow up with your child.Not every conversation needs to lead to a “fixed it” moment. Sometimes our kids just need to be heard along with some comfort and reassurance. We can go deeper another time.Be careful not to shield your children extensively from hard things—especially as they enter their teen years and become more aware of what’s happening in the world around them. It is okay for them to know that life is full of good, but there is also evil in our world. Draw from Genesis 3 and Ephesians 6:10-20 to bring clarity to the reality of an adversary along with a perfect blueprint for how to withstand evil, and remain standing, even in hard situations. They have everything they need in Jesus to stand firm. In that truth, there is wisdom to be gained, potential for growth, and room for character development. The right knowledge can be power in the form of protection. Weave biblical stories and truths that directly relate to the discussion into conversation, prayers, or moments around the dinner table. God promises that His Word will go out and not return void. (Isaiah 55:11) So even as you speak it in prayer and incorporate truth into your responses – it’s still the Word of God and it will do as God intends. Let the seeds fall and the Holy Spirit will take it from there! Avoid trying to convince your kids that they must agree with what you’re saying at that moment. This is a journey. If they have questions or doubts, give space for that. Encourage your children to take it upon themselves to pray, journal, search Scripture, or talk to a trusted mentor, that is not mom and dad, but who shares your beliefs. And keep checking in from time to time to revisit anything left open-ended. Pray with your children about the things that are on their hearts and minds.   Keep in mind that there is not always a neat bow to tie on every story or every conversation. This is where we anchor our hope in a faithful, trustworthy Savior who will redeem all things in the end. He is victorious over death and sin and promises to enable us to walk as overcomers in this life. There is good to be gleaned from the hard things in life and we can always count on Jesus to come through for us. Without question, our children will receive information from somewhere or someone. What an incredible privilege and responsibility as a parent to be the voice that is continually speaking, guiding, and inspiring our children as to Who to look to for all seasons of life. Reassuring our kids that we are always there for them, but continually pointing them to God as the ultimate source of understanding, wisdom, and comfort helps set them up with strength and courage in the present and the future. From the time they are little – into their teen years and beyond – we have ample opportunity to do just that!  Wherever you are in the journey, just begin or keep going! To help our children gain wisdom and understanding through Scripture for all of life’s moments is one of the greatest gifts and legacies we can give them.

This is an excerpt from Louie Giglio’s book Seeing God as a Perfect Father. We see this in the connection between the last words of the first section of Scripture (what we call the Old Testament) and the first words of the section that begins with the story of Jesus’ birth (the New Testament). As the Old Testament comes to a close, God’s people were stuck in their stubborn, sinful ways. God’s love and grace and leadership were constantly available to them, but more often than not they chose to go it alone, figuring things out in their own wisdom. They had mostly left behind their idols by this point, but they were not honoring the ways of God or trusting in His faithful character. They were stingy in their gifts toward God’s house of worship and dishonest in their dealing with Him, as if He didn’t fully know their hearts. Everything was a mess, yet God still had a redemption plan. In spite of their rebellion, God still loved His people and wanted the best for them. But apparently God was through with their rebuffs. His people weren’t listening, and God stopped talking. Between the end of the Old Testament and the beginning of the New Testament, there are four hundred years of history with no recorded message from God. When we take a copy of Scripture in our hands, it only takes the turn of a page to move from the prophecy of Malachi to Matthew’s gospel. Yet that single page turn represents four centuries of silence. Four hundred years where there was no prophet. No promise. Nothing. But have you ever noticed what the last words of the Old Testament recorded in Scripture are? What message did God leave with His people right before He went silent for four centuries? “See, I will send the prophet Elijah to you before that great and dreadful day of the Lord comes. He will turn the hearts of the parents to their children, and the hearts of the children to their parents; or else I will come and strike the land with total destruction” (Malachi 4:5–6, emphasis added). How incredible! The Old Testament ends with a promise underscoring God’s desire to restore fatherhood, making right the relationships between children and their fathers. He wants to reconnect the hearts of fathers to their children and reposition children under the waterfall of their father’s blessing. In the broader sense, God is seeking to reestablish His future people in a right understanding of Himself and His ways. Yet in a more specific sense God wants us to realize that He is working (even through the silence) to make it possible for us to know Him as Abba Father. In these closing words from Malachi, we see both a promise and a cause for us to pause. The promise is that God is not going to experience a work stoppage just because the people stopped listening to Him. His plans will remain on track. His mission will not be thwarted. But we also see a warning in these words. God is assuring us that our rebellion will not go unchecked forever. He wants us to know that the wrath of a holy God is coming. Yet don’t miss this—God is merciful and kind. The fiery justice of His righteousness doesn’t have to be our end. How do we know God is merciful and kind? After four hundred years of nothing, the lingering silence of heaven was broken by the cry of a baby in Bethlehem, because this is what God had to say next… God Starts Talking Again Imagine how eager the angel was who got the assignment to declare to the shepherds that a Savior had been born nearby during the night. For centuries there had been no messenger, but now the announcement that would change history was made: “A Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord” (Luke 2:11). Actually, a few angel visits had taken place in the months leading up to Jesus’ birth. The angel Gabriel appeared to a man named Zechariah promising the birth of John the Baptist. The angel told Zechariah that his son, John, would have a favored role in the story of God. John was going to prepare the way for Jesus by calling people to change their ways and turn to the Lord. And he was also going to do something else: And he will go on before the Lord, in the spirit and power of Elijah, to turn the hearts of the parents to their children and the disobedient to the wisdom of the righteous—to make ready a people prepared for the Lord. (Luke 1:17, emphasis added) We see that through John, God was fulfilling the last words of the Old Testament. In the first chapter of the New Testament, God is shown keeping His promise and preparing a way for the hearts of fathers to change, making a way to restore the relationship between fathers and children. Making a way for your heart to change and a way to bring healing between you and your earthly father. Why? Because fatherhood matters to God. It matters so much because ultimately, He’s making a way to bring healing between you and your heavenly Father.  Malachi’s prophetic words come true as Jesus comes to earth, God in human skin. Jesus didn’t just come to do some good works and heal those with diseases. He wasn’t on earth just to walk on water and raise His buddy Lazarus from the dead. Jesus came to die, to do what no other person ever born could do. Born of a virgin and without sin, Jesus lived obedient to the Father so that He could exchange His innocent life for yours. In so doing, He canceled your debt of sin and death and offered you the gift of never-ending life. This is the glorious gospel story that fuels this book and everything else about the Christian message. And this heavenly exchange offers you a fatherhood possibility that is almost beyond comprehension. You may be thinking, I appreciate that Jesus gave His life so I could be forgiven and have peace with God, but what does that have to do with what happened between me and my dad? Sometimes we get all tangled up in our family tree, and we fail to see the primacy of the tree that is the cross of Calvary and the vital connection between the two.  Think of it this way: Jesus willingly took on all the wrong of every one of us on the cross. That means God transferred all of our wrong—and all of your dad’s wrong—onto the blameless life of His Son. Once that happened, Jesus bore the guilt of our sinful ways, and thus He bore the weight of God’s wrath that we deserved. Remember that Scripture says Jesus was “pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities” (Isaiah 53:5). The significance of the baby’s birth, which broke centuries of silence, that I want you to see is this: When Jesus chose to die on that cross, He was forsaken by His Father so that you would never have to live a day without a father’s blessing. He was forsaken by His heavenly Father so that you would never have to be forsaken by God. Jesus accomplished the work on the cross to give you a new family tree. And this new family tree changes everything. This is an excerpt from Louie Giglio’s Seeing God as a Perfect Father. Click here to grab a copy of this special resource.

This is an excerpt from Louie Giglio’s book Seeing God as a Perfect Father. Your birth certificate, like mine, primarily declares that you were, in fact, born! You didn’t just mysteriously arrive on planet Earth; rather, at such a hospital and at such and such time, you joined the human race.  A glance at the birth certificate will tell us your length at birth and how much you weigh. A footprint may be there to link you to the information forever. And then, the two most powerful things about you are listed: the names of your mom and dad. This tells us by whom you came to be and says a lot about what you will be like.  In physical terms, you don’t have much of a choice, given that you are the result of the combining of your parents’ DNA, the combination of their genes. When you put it in the most basic biological terms, it goes like this—you received something from your mom and something from your dad, and the result of the two is 100 percent you.  That’s why, like it or not, you tend to grow up to look like, be like, and act like your mom and dad. Say this to a teenager, and they are likely to fight you over it, defying the power of genetics and swearing they will never look like their mom or dad. But let a few years go by between visits at Thanksgiving, and Aunt Lucinda will make things clear enough as she comes through the door, gets one look at the fourteen-year-old you, and declares excitedly—I can hardly believe it! You look just like your mother! This kind of proclamation isn’t necessarily what every teen hopes to have said about them (they might think they’re a lot cooler and hip than Mom or Dad), and they might defy it. But ask any twenty-something if they will likely grow up to look like Mom and Dad, and you won’t get defiance. You’ll just get a nod. By the time we become parents, it’s a settled fact—we are our parents. We hear ourselves saying the same things our parents told us. We find ourselves drifting toward our parents’ patterns of spending or their view of the world, and soon enough, we might even start dressing like them. At some point, wearing dress socks with tennis shoes like Dad used to doesn’t seem like such a crazy idea. My wife Shelley always tells me that a gesture of mine is just like “Big Lou’s.” She’ll say that the way I smirked, the way I cut my eyes, or the way I said what I said was just like him. Or she’ll say when I respond a certain way, “Martha Jeane (my mom), is that you?!” But the journey to becoming like our parents doesn’t just result from our genetic makeup. It also comes from watching our parents from our earliest moments and modeling what we saw them do. There’s a family picture we bring out every so often for laughs. I’m slightly younger, maybe two. It’s Atlanta, Georgia, circa 1960, during one of the not-so-frequent winter snows. I’m standing next to a snowman my dad built, but it’s no ordinary snowman. I told you my dad was talented in art and design and unique in seeing the world.  Now, any old snowman is three giant snowballs stacked on each other with sticks for arms, rocks for a mouth and eyes, and a carrot nose. But no, not this snowman. This snowman looks like a marble statue. He’s six feet tall and made of perfectly polished snow. His arms flawlessly contour into the body so his hands are clasped in front. His face resembles a carved bust of Tumnus, the impish faun from C. S. Lewis’s The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. I guarantee there’s not another dad in the whole city of Atlanta who built his kids a snowman like that.  This is a big reason I’ve spent my whole life doing things differently, a little off the beaten path. When I was little and I first saw that snowman, that freaky thing was what I thought was normal! But mainly, I saw Dad’s work and wanted to do things just like Dad. We all copy the behaviors and heart attitudes of our fathers, right? And later in life, for good or bad, we must all confront what we’ve grown to emulate. If your dad loved to drive 42 miles per hour in the fast lane on the freeway, then chances are there are cars regularly zooming around you when you drive. We can’t make this stuff up. We all saw characteristics, mannerisms, reactions, and patterns in our earthly fathers, and plenty of those behaviors and attitudes also found their way into our lives. Teenagers, believe what you will, but the power of DNA is strong. Modeling does mold us. Here’s a twist—in Christ, you have been born twice, so you have a new Father to resemble, and a whole new heritage stream is coming down to you. That means, as we’ve talked about already, you have two family trees. It also means you have two birth certificates. One is earthly, one heavenly. On one is the date and place you entered this world. On the other is the date and place you put your faith in Jesus as Savior and Lord of your life. In the case of the latter, that’s the moment God brought you from spiritual death to life through your faith in the finished work of Jesus on the cross. Your spiritual birth certificate announces that you were born again and are now and forever a son or daughter of God. We see this in John’s Gospel, where he describes our new birth this way: “Yet to all who did receive him [Jesus], to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God—children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband’s will, but born of God” (John 1:12–13). You may feel you aren’t good enough to earn God’s love and to deserve a place in His family. Or you may strive, hoping your good deeds outweigh the bad and land you in heaven one day. But forget that. It’s hopeless. God isn’t counting your sins anymore because He already laid them on His innocent Son when He died in your place on the cross. See, the power of the gospel message is this: sin doesn’t make you a bad person. No, it’s much worse than that. Sin makes you a spiritually dead person. “The wages [result] of sin is death” (Romans 6:23a). And being dead is a significant problem because dead people can’t do anything to help themselves. That’s why what God has done for us is called good news! Jesus didn’t leave heaven and die on the cross to make bad people better people. He gave His life as a sacrifice for our sins and rose again so He could bring us from death to life. The verse continues: “For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 6:23). God’s love set a rescue plan for you, not because you deserved or earned it, but because of His great love for you. “See what manner of love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!” (1 John 3:1). That’s what we are because we have been born again as sons and daughters of God. God’s love is described here as lavish. It’s not paper-thin or dirt-cheap. His love is not flimsy or silver-plated. It’s solid gold. And there’s enough of His love for every moment—for all your highs and lows in life—and for every circumstance you’ll ever face. I love how Eugene Peterson describes God’s love in his version of Psalm 36: “God’s love is meteoric, his loyalty astronomic, his purpose titanic, his verdicts oceanic. Yet in his largeness, nothing gets lost; Not a man, not a mouse, slips through the cracks. How exquisite your love, O God!” (Psalm 36:5–7 MSG). There’s something more profound than just having a new spiritual birth certificate. You also now have the spiritual DNA of God. When you were born physically, everything you got came from your earthly parents. But your spiritual birth isn’t about getting anything at all from your mom and dad. They may have influenced your faith, encouraged your understanding of Jesus, and shown you what it looked like to follow Him. But when you were born again, everything you received in the new you got from God. Look again at how this came to be: we are “children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband’s will, but born of God” (John 1:12–13). God is our perfect heavenly Father. And we are born of God. That means we have new spiritual DNA coursing through us—God’s DNA.  I still have my DNA from Louie, my dad, and Martha Jeane, my mom, and I received some character traits and physiology from them. But praise God, He is giving me new life. I am born again by the Spirit of God, which means I have received a brand-new spiritual DNA from God. If you have received Him and believe in His name, you possess this new DNA. This spiritual DNA brings new structure to your character, coping mechanisms, patterned responses, and building blocks for your soul. When we receive this new spiritual DNA, it means new possibilities open up. Romans 6:6–13 indicates that our old nature was crucified right along with Jesus on the cross so that our old selves ruled by sin might be done away with. Our parental natural DNA is still part of us, but thanks to Christ, we are no longer bound by our old sinful nature. We are not slaves to sin anymore. Jesus has set us free from sin, and we are alive to God in Jesus Christ. 2 Corinthians 5:17 calls us “new creations.” I don’t mean we become divine. We’re not “little Gods,” and we’re not equal to God in any way. Yet the Bible says a new nature has been given to us by God. We have the spirit of Jesus living inside of us (2 Corinthians 13:5). Paul said, “It is no longer I who live, but it is Christ who lives in me” (Galatians 2:20), and Paul further described how Christ can “make his home in [our] hearts through faith” (Ephesians 3:17). That’s fantastic news for you and me because it means the domino effect of our human DNA, those particular characteristics that constitute sinful nature, can be broken by the power of the life, death, and resurrection of the Son of the living God.  The old has passed away. A new life has begun. We are sons and daughters of God. Everything has changed.

Hiding from the news I had just received only weeks earlier. Hiding from the people I might see with smiles on their faces as they held tiny hands. That day in May, I was hiding from the feeds of joy and happiness prominently displayed on social media because I was feeling anything but hopeful. Weeks earlier, my husband Jeremy and I had received dreaded news — our journey with fertility doctors had ended. Medically speaking, they explained we had a 0% chance of conceiving a child. We were devastated, and at the same time, we were reminded: When the longing of your heart goes unrealized, when expectations are crushed, when patience in the waiting reaches its expiration date, this is the moment that faith is tested (James 1:2-3). Way Maker became the whisper of my breathless prayers. Way maker, miracle worker, promise keeper, light in the darkness. This is who you are, God. This is who I know you to be. This is who I need you to be for me. Prayer after prayer, I moved through life moment by moment. At my lowest, I allowed myself to believe I was unworthy. Maybe God could be those things for others, but not for me. At my best, I could host a baby shower for a friend and find unmerited grace to celebrate with genuine joy. In the happiness and the sorrow, God met me in the moments.  In His kindness, He reminded me that an unchanging God had the power to change my title. He’d done it before — a broken girl was restored through grace, a single woman became a wife to the most loving man, a dead soul was made alive — could He do it again? Would I be so bold as to believe that my title would someday be Mama? But our God delights in unexpected miracles. Way Maker. Fast forward a year, a hard year, and you’ll find us celebrating the completion of our adoption home study. God had gently pieced together our broken hearts and gave us a new vision for our family. He had called us to adoption, and we entered a new season of waiting. That same week, across the city, a first-year college student found out she was pregnant. Scared and heartbroken, she would cling to a verse she found on the key ring she’d been carrying for years, a gift from her mother which read, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future,” (Jeremiah 29:11). Miracle Worker. Mother’s Day that year, I didn’t hide. My circumstances hadn’t changed, but my heart was starting to. Jeremy bought me flowers and held me as I cried tears of hope in the waiting to be matched, not yet knowing our miracle had already been conceived. The beautiful girl we would meet months later would become family. We would walk with her through the last few months of pregnancy. I would join her at doctor’s appointments and hear my son’s heartbeat. No, I wasn’t carrying him physically, but God was weaving him together as a part of me. We would finally paint the nursery, a declaration in our hearts that we would one day lay our son down to sleep in this room. On the wall above his crib, we painted a verse we had held to like a life raft, only finding out later it was the same verse that college girl had been praying night after night. “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future,” Jeremiah 29:11 The day before Advent in 2019, our son was born. Theodore: “Gift from God.” Promise Keeper. Today, I can confidently promise that Paul wasn’t crazy when he penned the words, “but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.” Romans 5:3-5 Hope does not disappoint us.  Today, Theo is 17 months old and ruling our house like a tiny tornado of adorable and mischievous destruction. Last week, I discovered I had washed his clothes with a dirty diaper that had somehow entered the hamper. Three cycles later, I could only laugh and thank God for the gift of a mess to clean up. Even miracles can be messy. Not all stories end in a fairy tale — the world’s version of hope. I have friends waiting for a spouse, only to be discouraged when the blind date goes south. Friends waiting for week sixteen, only to find out they have babies they’ll meet in heaven. There are friends on their third round with IVF, praying this time their dream will come true, and friends waiting to be matched in adoption, and often an endless cycle of excitement and disappointment, hope and grief. Light in the Darkness. Last year, two days after my first Mother’s Day, we joined a Zoom call with a judge and promised to love, protect, and raise our son. Our adoption was final. This season of waiting had finally come to a close. Now, every seven years, Theo’s “gotcha day” will fall on Mother’s Day. A day that was once marked by mourning has become a day of rejoicing. I know there will be more hard days, and you may be walking through some of your own. If you’re waiting today, if you’re hiding today, if you’re disappointed today, I’m not going to tell you that “you’re not alone” or even promise your waiting will come to an end. But I can promise you that the God of heaven and earth—the God of hope that does not disappoint—He will be with you in it. (Psalm 27:5) My God, that is who you are.