Why Date?

Are you more focused on finding the one or becoming someone? Louie Giglio challenges us to reframe our minds to ultimately see marriage as a mission to build the Kingdom of God.

It's easy to ask the "what" question but it's always a good idea to back up and ask the "why". So, why date?

It has to be more than about who you date. Usually when you are thinking about the who, you're thinking about your type, what they can bring you, what you need. The "who" end up being about you.

So why date? Because we were created for something more. We were created for more than just our mate, we were make for our Maker. In a relationship with our Maker, we were created and put on earth to live lives that bring glory to God. The best way to live our lives is to leave a permanent mark on eternity. Therefore, the person you date and potentially marry has to be a person who wants to make a mark on eternity. You help each other with your ultimate mission.

1) Marriage is about a mission, not a mate. God's plan for you isn't to have someone come into your life and be a negative for, to mistreat you, or refuse to provide for your needs. God wants to bring someone into you life that will serve and honor you, provide and treat you well. It's not enough for you to settle. It's a tragedy when someone marries someone nice, and they live in a nice home in a nice neighborhood, have nice kids, go nice places and do nice things but die having no mission. You are going to stand in front of God with all the opportunities He put before you and what did you do with it? You want to be married to someone who makes you more able, not less able to make a mark on eternity for the glory of God. Together you are more powerful in the mission than you would have been by yourself. Remember the triangle diagram. As you both pursue Jesus with all your heart, you'll both move closer to each other. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. (Matthew 6:33)

2) That mission informs our options right now. Physical attraction aside, and we all have it, is their heart on fire for the mission? If it's not, it doesn't matter how attractive they are, they're not the one. Both of your hearts need to be in love with Jesus.

In 2 Corinthians 6:14-16, Paul is writing to believers that have lost their identity as believers and lost their way. They look like the world around them. Our goal is to be able to relate to all people, but it's not to be like them. Do not be yoked with unbelievers. What does righteousness have to do with wickedness? He's not saying that we are better than, more high and mighty than, or shouldn't be around unbelievers. He's just saying don't get in the yoke with unbelievers where the common goal and mission depends on you both pulling in the same direction over the long haul.

In verse 16-17, we are called to think about our distinction as God's people. So, if knowing Jesus and making Him known is not the heart of the person you are dating: you're dating the wrong person. Your bedrock value, thinking, and passion is different and that will never be resolved by common interests.

3) The moment you are currently in is the most precious moment you have with relation to the marriage you hope for. We think in terms of "one day...", but that future is predicated on the moment you have right now. Right now is where you're in the drivers seat of deciding if you're the right person you want to be in order to be ready for the person God wants to bring into your life.

A huge misconception is that when you get married it solves all the problems you have when you're single. Financial issues, porn, anger issues, and selfishness don't disappear on the honeymoon. Marriage doesn't fix what's wrong with us, marriage accentuates what's wrong with us. And now you're married, so you can't just break off the relationship and go back to your single life that you could control. You are with them the rest of your life. You could leave, but it will domino into every area of your life. Marriage is an incubator of all that was going on in our hearts before we got there.

That means today you have another opportunity to allow God to search your heart and resolve the issues before you get married. The root of most marital issues is whether or not you are willing to put their needs and desires in front of your own. Whether you will serve them and lift them up. Mutual submission in marriage is the heart of Christ and the Spirit and is what makes it great. Selfishness is the garden that everything grows to choke out the hope of a marriage. What is present in your life right now that is a destructive habit? Thank God that you are single so that you can work on things before you're married. No one is perfect when they walk down the aisle, but why not resolve the things you can now?

4) We want to adjust to Kingdom best right now. This point is pastoral advice for those in serious relationships or are engaged. If there is anything in your relationship that is not Kingdom best, then take whatever radical step you need to take to adjust to Kingdom best.

Example: living together. Stop, move out. It doesn't matter that you're already living together. It will honor God to do it God's way. You are showing your partner that you will be able to honor God when you get married, because right now you're undermining their confidence that you can lead the family in the right way in the future. The Holy Spirit is in both of your heart telling you this is not the right way. This applies to sleeping together or crossing lines. Getting married in a few months won't fix it and make it right. Men: step up and put a stop to whatever it is that is not Kingdom best. Move out. Get accountability. Repent. Yield to the Spirit. That way, when you are standing there on your wedding day, you're not asking God to do something now that you weren't willing to let him do months before.

God is kind and gives you the opportunity to adjust. Honor Him because you love Him, do it His way and then you can ask Him to bless the relationship. He will give you joy on that day and you'll be able to give Him glory.

So go back to the "why" and call yourself up. Why are you here? Why are you doing the things you're doing? Why are you wanting to mark eternity? Is the person you're dating helping or hindering the mission?

Today is the day to ask God to do the work in you. Faithfully pursue Him and trust that He will bring that person into your life. Trust that they will be the type of person that your hearts together will combust into flame for Jesus. It's worth waiting, praying, and preparing for.

In the meantime, go serve Jesus with all your heart. Grow and invest in the Kingdom. You are available for God.