When I Feel Shame

We have all felt the shower of shame. The shoulder shrug. The avoiding eye contact. The throat tightening. The fact that we never could talk about it. The fear of anyone ever finding out. The hiding. And at the core, you feel unlovable.

How did David, shackled in shame, find freedom from it? Psalm 32 helps guide us through.

The feeling of shame.

This passage teaches us that shame hides and hurts. Interestingly, David starts out with a beatitude, a statement that sums up a satisfied life. He says that you can have a satisfying life even though you have transgression, sin, and iniquity because you can be forgiven and covered and not have it counted against you. Therefore, your spirit has no deceit. You don’t have to live in a bunch of lies.

However, we find it a lot easier to cover these things up. Our transgression is our rebellion against God. Our sin is where we missed the mark. Our iniquity is our perversion. We want to hide these things, but when we cover it in shame, we keep ourselves from a happy life. Guilt brings you back toward a relationship, but shame is the painful emotion that moves you away from it.

Shame hides. It was the first thing Adam and Eve did, and it’s what Peter did when he denied Jesus. It’s instinctual. How do we hide? We keep a distance from others. We get lost in distraction. We hide in religion. We hide in advocacy. We hide in trying to impress. The paradox of shame is that we think hiding will help us, but it only hurts us.

Shame hurts. When David kept silent, he felt internal and emotional pain. The hand of God was heavy on him because of what he had done. It’s the loving discipline of the Lord so David could be restored. We’re only as sick as our secrets but as healthy as our honesty.

There is a shift in Psalm 32:5/ David still has transgression, sin, and inequity, but he’s not hiding it anymore. He’s bringing it to the light.

The fix of shame.

The first fix for shame is honesty. Shame, at its core, is relational. You have to come clean. Saying it out loud has power, but saying it to a trusted source has healing.

The second fix for shame is mercy. You need someone loving who will see through your mess. Someone who is not going to leave you, but loves you. When David was honest with God, he was met with the mercy of God,

This is what Jesus does for us. He enters into our shame and meets us with mercy. He did it for the woman at the well. He did it for the woman caught in adultery. He did it for an outcast with leprosy. He did it for the woman with a devastating discharge. He did it for a tax collector’s financial fraud. He did it because of Peter’s mistakes and Mary’s past. He is the Father who runs out towards the shame of His prodigal son. He entered our shame on the Cross. He absorbed and forgave it.

The historical practice of confession continues to this day. It’s our bringing honesty to a trusted source of mercy. John said to confess to God, and James told us to confess to one another. Confession doesn’t purchase forgiveness—Jesus did that—but it causes us to love out of it. This is our fix to shame.

The freedom that follows.

In Psalm 32:7, David enters a happy life. Whereas before he hid his shame, God is now his hiding place. He’s preserved. He’s surrounded by shouts of joy from God. He has security.

God, in turn, promises David that He will instruct, teach, and counsel him through life with His eye upon him. David has direction.

David finished by saying, "Be glad, rejoice, and shout for joy." The freedom that follows is joy. Shame is not the end of our story.