Talk

The New Family Dynamic

Brett Younker

May, 2, 2021

This week we are joined by Brett Younker, part of Passion Music and the Young Adults pastor for our Passion City Church family in Atlanta. Brett is continuing in our series Live Again and showing how to navigate relationships within our families in a way that reflects Christ’s love.

Key Takeaway

It's hard to hide your true colors from your family. They see the real you. What do they need to be seeing? A you where Jesus is the center of your life. Then, He becomes the center of the families life and each role promotes life and flourishing.

The big idea up to this point in Colossians is that Jesus Christ is central of all things. Therefore, He wants to be central in your family. Paul knows that the rubber hits the road where you live life with your family. Family can be a source of joy or a source of a giant wound. That's why he tells us to put on some new clothes- compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience. Paul gives us a new family dynamic that promotes life and flourishing. The dynamic got weird during the fall in Genesis 3. It broke relationship with God, but also in families.

Dysfunction comes from selfishness. Whereas, selflessness promotes life. Paul puts on the table how husbands, wives, and children can function in a way that everyone can flourish.

Colossians 3:18-21

You have to be careful to not go too far one way or another with this passage. It's not that women and children are second class, but we're also not all the same. Paul says something to each group. In order for this to work, we have to look to Jesus and He has to be the center of the relationship.

Colossians 3:18 - Wives: submit to your husbands as to the Lord. Submission isn't saying that a wife is less than her husband. Jesus submits to the Father's will, but that doesn't make him less God. He is where the fullness of God dwells.

In his book that discusses the rise of Christianity in a pagan culture, Rodney Stark states that women being highly valued in the church community was one of the things that made Christianity so attractive.

When wives submit, they are a picture of Jesus to their husbands. It's a selfless act where they are inclined to receive and affirm their husbands initiation. As the husband initiates good things towards the family, the wife leans towards that. For the husband, this is humbling, inspiring, and challenging for them.

Colossians 3:19 - Husbands: love and don't be harsh. This was so counter cultural in a Roman society where men ruled. In the way that Jesus loved and pursued the husband, he was to treat his wife the same way. It's a call to die to self. The willingness of the husband to sacrifice his own life for his wife's flourishing is a picture of Jesus to her.

Men can use this as an excuse to justify certain jobs, work hours, houses, cars, provision, etc. It will work out in all sorts of ways, but most importantly, they need you. If your wife isn't in your mind as you make decisions and are moving through the day- you're not seeing her, pursuing her, laying down your life for her- you're not reflecting the heart of Jesus.

Colossians 3:20 - Children: obey. All the parents want is for their kids to obey. It's so much more fun when everyone is moving in the same direction. It's for their protection and for their growth. They can't just say they will obey, they have to show it. Obedience is an outward expression.

Colossians 3:21 - Paul comes back to the men. He warns them to not embitter or exasperate their children. That happens in two ways: you're not around or you're really hard on your kids. Be present and love them instead.

When Jesus is the center of everything, He shows up for you when you have a bad day and don't have it within yourself to be kind or loving. He will give you more bandwidth to give your life away. It will happen with a sense of strength and a sense of togetherness.

“

"This only works when Jesus is the center of my life, and my wife isn't the center of my life and the kid aren't the center of my life. Jesus is the center of everything."

”

Brett Younker

Discussion Questions

Up until this point, what has been the main point of Colossians?
What does your family see come out of you the most?
What is Paul suggesting that could bring life and flourishing to the family?
When did the dysfunction within families start?
According to Brett, what is at the core of dysfunction?
When Paul talks about wives submitting to their husbands, what does he mean? How is that a picture of Jesus to their husbands?
How did Jesus do the same thing he is asking wives to do? What is the key component that allows Jesus and wives to lean in? See Colossians 3:18
What can men do that proves them to be an example of Jesus to their wives? See Colossians 3:19
All parents want their children to obey. Why? What is the purpose of obedience? And why does it have to be outwardly expressed by showing it? See Colossians 3:20
In Colossians 3:21, Paul says to not embitter your children. What are two main ways a father can do this?

Scripture References

12Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.

13Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

14And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

15Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.

16Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts.

17And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

18Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.

19Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.

20Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.

21Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.

The Fall

1Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the

Lord

God had made. He said to the woman, “Did God really say, ‘You must not eat from any tree in the garden’?”

2The woman said to the serpent, “We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, 3but God did say, ‘You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.’ ”

4“You will not certainly die,” the serpent said to the woman. 5“For God knows that when you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.”

6When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it. 7Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves.

8Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the

Lord

God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the

Lord

God among the trees of the garden. 9But the

Lord

God called to the man, “Where are you?”

10He answered, “I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid.”

11And he said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?”

12The man said, “The woman you put here with me—she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it.”

13Then the

Lord

God said to the woman, “What is this you have done?”

The woman said, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.”

14So the

Lord

God said to the serpent, “Because you have done this,

“Cursed are you above all livestock

and all wild animals!

You will crawl on your belly

and you will eat dust

all the days of your life.

15And I will put enmity

between you and the woman,

and between your offspring and hers;

he will crush your head,

and you will strike his heel.”

16To the woman he said,

“I will make your pains in childbearing very severe;

with painful labor you will give birth to children.

Your desire will be for your husband,

and he will rule over you.”

17To Adam he said, “Because you listened to your wife and ate fruit from the tree about which I commanded you, ‘You must not eat from it,’

“Cursed is the ground because of you;

through painful toil you will eat food from it

all the days of your life.

18It will produce thorns and thistles for you,

and you will eat the plants of the field.

19By the sweat of your brow

you will eat your food

until you return to the ground,

since from it you were taken;

for dust you are

and to dust you will return.”

20Adam named his wife Eve, because she would become the mother of all the living.

21The

Lord

God made garments of skin for Adam and his wife and clothed them. 22And the

Lord

God said, “The man has now become like one of us, knowing good and evil. He must not be allowed to reach out his hand and take also from the tree of life and eat, and live forever.” 23So the

Lord

God banished him from the Garden of Eden to work the ground from which he had been taken. 24After he drove the man out, he placed on the east side of the Garden of Eden cherubim and a flaming sword flashing back and forth to guard the way to the tree of life.

Brett Younker

Brett Younker is a pastor, worship leader, and songwriter at Passion City Church in Atlanta, Georgia. His heart is to help people see and know Jesus in a real way through preaching, teaching, music, or just hanging out. Over the last decade, Brett has helped carry the heart of Passion Music and the Passion Movement to the world, calling a generation to live for the glory of God. Brett has helped write many songs the Church is singing, including “Build My Life,” Fall Like Rain,” Christ Our King,” God, You’re So Good,” “Holy Ground,” “Worthy of Your Name,” and many others. He also hosts a podcast called Jesus Songs that explores the stories of some of the songs we sing each week in church. Brett and his wife, Aynsley, have three kids and a dog named Sgt Pepper.