How wonderful would life be if we all became the kind of friends we want? It’s easier said than done. Louie Giglio encourages us to follow the Lord’s guidance in Romans 12 to act as God created us in our relationships.
Key Takeaway
We can rise above and be the friend that you long for when your identity is completely in Christ. When that is the case, every life around you will get better, including your own.
We always begin with becoming rather than finding. What does that mean for friendships? It means we need to become the friend that everyone longs for.
This message will be focused on Romans 12:9-21. It is a power house package that speaks greatly to relationships, especially friendships.
What does the friend that everyone longs for look like?
1) One-faced friend. "Love must be sincere." See Romans 12:9. In the Greek the word sincere means not phony, not a hypocrite, no hidden agendas. We become this when we accept God's approval of us, reflect Him to the world, and work on our core relationships. The reason there are two-faced friends is because they want acceptance from people. We sometimes celebrate conflict because it raises our equity with certain relationships around us. It's the economy of acceptance. So when we accept God's approval; we can just be us in every situation, and be a one-faced friend.
2) Extinguishes evil and celebrates good. "Hate evil and cling to what is good...honor others." See Romans 12:9-10. We can reflect this to others. It's very easy to celebrate evil and blow past the good. This is how gossip and fighting happens. Most of the time, relationships that go sideways started with little things that got off course.
Be the person who de-escalates conflict, not escalate conflict. This is rooted in our identity in Christ. All that he has given us in relationship, we can reflect that to others: mercy, grace, forgiveness, etc.
Escalators: move quick, believe without confirming, repeat things instead of resolve things, work from the back and don't lead from the front, assume the worst, say different things to different people, gain power through knowledge of the conflict.
De-escalators: move slow, confirm before believing, lead from the front, assume the best, say the same things to everyone, go straight to the source, humbly restore without personal gain.
3) Open-handed. "Share with God's people and practice hospitality." See Romans 12:13. Be someone who meets needs. Yes, pray for them, but help them!
4) Rising above the fray. "Bless and do not curse." See Romans 12:14. You don't have to show up to every fight you're invited to. Don't persecute the person who persecutes you. You are going to be persecuted. Jesus went before the slaughter and never lashed out at those who mocked or beat Him. He knew they were on real thin ice with His Father. Jesus was also too focused on the Father had called Him to do. He had a mission and kept moving forward. The whole way to the Cross, He was cursed at, but He stayed the course. The Father will give everyone what they have coming. The passage is saying that on the way to them getting what they have coming, send them flowers.
God has been good to you, so be good to others. You can enter into a battle of separation, but you don't have to enter into a battle of hate. Don't tell them God is going to crush them because that is cursing by proxy. The Lord says that vengeance is His and He with right every wrong. Don't miss your mission on Earth because you were so focused on making them miserable. We can rest assured that no one is getting away with evil. We will give an account for every idle word we say. So when you choose to bless and not curse, you are honoring the size of your God who you believe will take care of everything in the very best way. Your goal is to hear "good and faithful servant."
5) Float freely with all people. "Rejoice with those who rejoice, mourn with those who mourn." See Romans 12:15. We want to be to be friends that are there at all times, with the up and up's and in the down and out's. Nothing matters except their humanity. Have friends of all kinds and stripes, with differing levels of need and offerings.
6) Are peacemakers. "If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace." In conflict out default is "them", when usually the solution to conflict rests with "us". I can only accept the Gospel's power to change me, I can't force that on anyone else. So, the power of the Gospel in me allows me to live at peace with you, you can reflect that peace of God to the world. No one can have control over us, the Gospel has control over you.
Keep short accounts, be one-faced, offer quick resolution, extend grace, bless and do not curse, de-escalate, be open and not harboring...these are all freedoms that allow us to be the friend we want: a peacemaking friend.
Discussion Questions
When you think about the best friends you have had throughout life, what are the qualities that made them a good friend?
What is the difference between a one-faced and a two-faced friend? What is the root of us being a one-faced friend.
Why do people often celebrate evil and ignore the good or use knowledge to gain power in a conflict?
Compare and contrast the characteristics of escalators and de-escalators. What type of person do you tend to be?
How does Romans 12:13 support tangibly meeting needs. Does this discount prayer?
It is hard to bless when you want to curse. How did Jesus give us the perfect example of this as He was on His way to die on the Cross?
How does the fact that God will right every wrong give you the grace to bless those that are persecuting you?
Do you have friends that are different than you? Or do you only associate with people in the exact same stage of life, socio-economic, and education level as you? Ultimately, what is the first thing that really matters about a person that makes them worth of being a friend?
Is it difficult for you to live at peace with others? What is the gift found when you are at peace? What is the power of Gospel's message in you living at peace with yourself and others?
When you look at all that Romans 12:9-21, what areas are you strong in? In what area is there room for growth?
Scripture References