Talk

Formative Friendships

jw-8385-media
Jacob Harkey
Feb 19

Have you felt this growing trend in today’s world toward a culture of isolation and loneliness? Jacob Harkey teaches us how community in Christ is the antidote as we cultivate the kind of authentic relationships we all desire.

Key Takeaway

Lack of friendships leads to isolation. Isolation is keeping us in our sin. Our sin is slowly eating away at us. We do not have to live like this. Jesus invites us into Himself and a community where we can confess and live whole and healed lives together.

Currently, friendships are failing rapidly; at least half of the population feels like they don't have anyone to confide in and are feeling lonely. It's increasing rates of depression, suicide, and other health effects. We are starved for meaningful relationships.

Recently a group of experts got together and defined three categories of loneliness.

  1. Collective Loneliness- no one to share a large identity with, such as a sports team or political party.

  2. Relational Loneliness- not having a smaller group of people that you are closer with.

  3. Intimate Loneliness- not having a confidant or significant other to share life with.

They recommended grabbing religious-like adjacent principles and applying them in a secular setting. They watered it down to a shared hobby like a gym membership or book club.

They are misinterpreting the Church. They watered it down, but in reality, it was a group of ragtag individuals that ended up changing the world. That's more than a collective hobby. At the start of the Second Century, less than one-tenth of a percent was Christian. No one knew then that Christians would continue to grow to this day. Christianity has overcome every division that the world has declared a dividing line.

Paul and Jesus use "one another" often because it is the key to community. Because of Jesus, our identity in Him, and how He directs us to live; there is something different than what the world offers. It's not about a system, it's about relationship.

What does the community of Christ look like?

In Colossians, Paul is setting up who Jesus is and what He has done in chapters 1 and 2. He shifts to practical advice in chapter 3. This isn't meant to be done on our own, we are meant to do this in community. We look up to Jesus, look at one another, and look out into the world.

Colossians 3:1-4. If you are in Jesus, then you seek and set your mind on things above, not on earthly things. Douglas Moo said, "We're meant to orient ourselves around Heavenly realities." This isn't spiritual detachment, it's reprioritizing. When we were spiritually dead, we had a me-oriented life. Now, we look to Jesus. What He prioritizes dictates what we prioritize. This posture is in rebellion against cultural norms. What do your friendships revolve around? Friendships are always born out of something, but there's no stronger bond two people can share than a shared identity in Jesus Christ. Colossians 3:11 says our shared experience of grace in Jesus transcends any other tie. All differences submit to the unity of Christ. Forge friendships that are oriented around the things from above. Don't linger in the shallow places.

Colossians 3:5-10. We need to be eager to see some of our behaviors put to death. Sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desires, and covetousness, which is idolatry, all have to go. This first grouping is the uncontrollable desire for more experiences and pleasures to fill us; it particularly has a sexual connotation. The second grouping is sins of speech; how we talk to and about other people. That's anger, wrath, malice, slander, obscene talk, and lying. All of these things have personal implications but have a huge communal impact. They harm us, but they fray the community. Paul doesn't just say knock it off, he says put it to death.

How do we put out sin to death communally?

Through confession. This takes us out of isolation. Isolation convinces us that the dark is safer than the light. In confession, there's freedom in healing. See James 5:8 and Psalm 32:1-3. Sin eats away at us. Confession heals us.

When the people of God shine light on their sin to one another, God will take those hearts, and He will transform them.

There is a helpful and an unhelpful way to do this. It's unhelpful to confess everything to everyone you know or come across. Confession functions best in close intimate friendships. Prioritize developing friendships where confession is possible.

Colossians 3:12. Focus on each other. Paul has reminded us of who we are and that identity tells us to put things on such as compassion, kindness, humility as put on display by Jesus in Philippians 2:6-8, meekness, and patience. It's continual. All of these things play out in community. You need to have another person to be able to put them into practice.

Colossians 3:13. "Bearing with" is the bare minimum. Don't complain, sometimes you're meant to endure other people. Real grievances will happen, but we are to forgive as Christ forgave us when we didn't deserve it. It doesn't free us from consequences. Paul binds our forgiveness of others with the forgiveness we have received from Christ. See Romans 5:8.

Colossians 3:14-15. Put on love. Our goal is to maintain peace and harmony in the Body of Christ and that will only be accomplished through love.

These are not revolutionary statements, these are exactly the qualities we want to find and enjoy in someone else. We, collectively, are called to put on all of these things. We don't get to pick one and say, "No, that's not my thing."

How do we practice this posture?

Focus your energy and attention on embodying the character of the King rather than only worrying about the benefits of the Kingdom. Ask yourself, "Who am I going to be here?" not, "What will I get out of it?" When you embody this, He will produce fruit in you that will draw people to you.

Colossians 3:16. Be in the Word and let God change you. Be around God's people and forge relationships with each other.

"If you are 99% known; you are unknown. If there's 1% of you that you keep to yourself: you are unknown."
Matt Chandler

Discussion Questions

    1. What are some of the costs of experiencing long-term loneliness in your life?

    2. Of the three categories of loneliness that the experts mentioned, which do you struggle the most in? Do you struggle at all?

    3. Why does taking religious-like principles and applying them to the secular world to cure loneliness not work?

    4. Read Colossians 3:1-2. What are the two commands we are given to do as the people of God?

    5. How is reprioritizing your life to orient around the things that Jesus prioritizes going against the cultural norm? What do you need to "take off?"

    6. Jacob said, "All differences submit to the unity of Christ." What does that mean? See Colossians 3:11 for reference.

    7. Read Colossians 3:5-10. What are the two groupings Paul created? What is their focus?

    8. How do we put our sin to death communally?

    9. What does God do with the hearts that have shed light on their sin?

    10. What does Colossians 3:16 tell us to do? How does this keep the peace and harmony of the Body of Christ?

Scripture References

1.Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. 2.Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. 3.For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. 4.When Christ, who is your3:4 Some manuscripts our life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.5.Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. 6.Because of these, the wrath of God is coming.3:6 Some early manuscripts coming on those who are disobedient 7.You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. 8.But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. 9.Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices 10.and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator. 11.Here there is no Gentile or Jew, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave or free, but Christ is all, and is in all.12.Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13.Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14.And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.15.Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. 16.Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. 17.And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.
16.Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.
1.Blessed is the one whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered.2.Blessed is the one whose sin the Lord does not count against them and in whose spirit is no deceit.3.When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long.
6.Who, being in very nature2:6 Or in the form of God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage;7.rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature2:7 Or the form of a servant, being made in human likeness.8.And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death— even death on a cross!
Peace and Hope 1.Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we5:1 Many manuscripts let us have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2.through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we5:2 Or let us boast in the hope of the glory of God. 3.Not only so, but we5:3 Or let us also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4.perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5.And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. 6.You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. 7.Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. 8.But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. 9.Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God’s wrath through him! 10.For if, while we were God’s enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life! 11.Not only is this so, but we also boast in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation. Death Through Adam, Life Through Christ 12.Therefore, just as sin entered the world through one man, and death through sin, and in this way death came to all people, because all sinned— 13.To be sure, sin was in the world before the law was given, but sin is not charged against anyone’s account where there is no law. 14.Nevertheless, death reigned from the time of Adam to the time of Moses, even over those who did not sin by breaking a command, as did Adam, who is a pattern of the one to come. 15.But the gift is not like the trespass. For if the many died by the trespass of the one man, how much more did God’s grace and the gift that came by the grace of the one man, Jesus Christ, overflow to the many! 16.Nor can the gift of God be compared with the result of one man’s sin: The judgment followed one sin and brought condemnation, but the gift followed many trespasses and brought justification. 17.For if, by the trespass of the one man, death reigned through that one man, how much more will those who receive God’s abundant provision of grace and of the gift of righteousness reign in life through the one man, Jesus Christ! 18.Consequently, just as one trespass resulted in condemnation for all people, so also one righteous act resulted in justification and life for all people. 19.For just as through the disobedience of the one man the many were made sinners, so also through the obedience of the one man the many will be made righteous. 20.The law was brought in so that the trespass might increase. But where sin increased, grace increased all the more, 21.so that, just as sin reigned in death, so also grace might reign through righteousness to bring eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.

 


jw-8385-media
Jacob Harkey
Spiritual Formation Director at Passion City Church, Washington D.C.