Relationships will constantly drift away from intimacy and towards isolation, but the fear of conflict drives many of us to inaction. How can we overcome our fear and intentionally work to cultivate healthy relationships? Ben Stuart continues our series through Song of Solomon and explores the ways that a healthy approach to conflict can actually strengthen our relational bonds.
Key Takeaway
Conflict doesn't have to be what ruins your relationship. If both parties commit to responding well, the conflict can actually lead to greater and deeper intimacy.
We tend to flow towards isolation.
It takes intentionality to work towards intimacy. We have watched this couple experience the spark of attraction, navigate the confusing thrill of courtship, and consummate their marriage, and now we're going to watch them deal with conflict.
Many millennials are getting married later because they view marriage as a capstone (something to achieve) instead of a cornerstone (a foundation). This is because of the rise of individualism and materialism. Individualism focuses on self-actualization, what I like, what I want, and my career; I have to be me before I can introduce anyone. I have to establish my career and be financially stable so I can maintain the standard of living I grew accustomed to at my parents' house.
A lot of people delay marriage because of fear. They think, "I'm delaying marriage to do me because afraid that if I bind my life together with someone, it may cost me more than it gives me."
Relationships are not in a steady state, so when you hit conflict, you'll either spring apart or if you hold hands, you can move through it together and arrive at deeper intimacy. Conflict brings the possibility of deeper communication and deeper trust.
When it comes to Song of Solomon 5:2-6:13, scholars differ on what this passage is. Is it actual events, or is it a metaphor? We will focus on the main emphasis from a conservative interpretive approach.
Song of Songs 5:2-3
The man wants intimacy. She wants to rest. They've miscommunicated. They each have desires that are going in opposite directions. A misalignment of desires will lead to miscommunication, disconnection, and tension in marriage.
The 5 greatest sources of conflict...
In-laws- expectations of the other family.
Money- what's the value system on spending? What's essential, and what's optional?
Roles- who does what? You each have a different standard of what's "done."
Kids- how many? When? Is anyone staying home? Public or private school? How to discipline?
Communication- can we process how we feel? Can we navigate our expectations?
Song of Songs 5:4-5
He takes expensive anointing oil and puts it on the very place of his offense. Instead of retaliation and blowing up, he blesses where he's been wounded. And he does it extravagantly.
Refuse to retaliate. When we're bruised, we bless. You don't repay. See 1 Peter 3:9-12. Why does God honor that? Because that's what He does with us every day. See Matthew 5:44-45 and Romans 2:4. It's God's kindness that leads us to repentance. You win through kindness.
If you fight fire with fire, you'll burn your house down. Don't escalate and insult back; that's foolish. See Proverbs 26:21, 14:1, 10:12, 15:17-18, 21:9, 29:22-23. The way you dissolve conflict is with kindness. Don't wait until you think they deserve it. God didn't do that with us. You go first.
Song of Songs 5:6
She responded to him, but he was gone. She realizes there's an emotional disconnect, and she doesn't like it.
Seek reconciliation to put on friendly terms again. She doesn't tolerate the disconnect. She deals with the resentment early. It takes humility. Pride has no place in a marriage. If you can't apologize, don't get married. You're goal should never be to win the argument. It's for intimacy and unity, to win the other person. Never storm out. Take a moment if you need it, but don't take a month. Silent treatment is childish, while body language is loud
Song of Songs 5:7
This is a confusing part. In the previous passages with the watchmen, they were her conscience. So the idea is that her conscience is pricked by the thought that she hurt him. In the uncertainty of the disconnect and how to solve it, she asks for help.
Song of Songs 5:8
She looks to her friends for help. That's a smart thing to do when your marriage is struggling. Reach out to those in your life who love you and will be honest with you.
Song of Songs 5:9
They want to know why they should help her with her beloved and challenge her to tell them the reasons. She takes on the challenge and explains why he is better than all the other men.
Song of Songs 5:10
She focuses on his good qualities. She describes him head to toe. He's noble, his hair is youthful, he's strong. The doves in a milk bath represent a nourishing gentleness. He's not angry. She feels safe with him. He's strong but not harsh. He smells good. He's in shape. He's an oak of a human being, rooted, grounded, and strong. What she's saying isn't sexual, but it's deeply respectful. He's strong and loving. Ladies: communicate this to your husband. Never shame him publicly, it's so wounding and shaming. Even in the disconnect, find a way to honor.
Men: never yell at your wife.
Recall what you respect. When you're offended, it's easy to focus on every defect. Remember what you love about them. The lie from the enemy is that as flaws start to rise about your spouse, you'll be tempted to fantasize about the "perfect" other. There are no perfect people. When you're offended, you'll highlight their inadequacy and downplay their virtues. When you're frustrated, don't amend the data just to make yourself the victim.
Song of Songs 6:1
The friends are willing to help.
Song of Songs 6:2
She already knows where he is. The garden is a metaphor for their love and intimacy. He didn't bail on her. He's working back toward reconciliation as well. They both have a commitment to resolve the conflict together.
Song of Songs 6:3
She repeats they they belong to each other.
Respond to each other and reiterate their devotion. They chose and still choose each other.
Song of Songs 6:4
Pronouns change from "her" to "you." Now they are talking to each other. When they're hurt, they don't run off. They move towards each other. She moves to reconcile, and He's in the garden trying to work it out. When they start to talk it out, they're not harsh. Instead, they reiterate their devotion. He says she's the best there is. He assures her he is with her he's not going to abandon her.
Men: emotional security is very important to women.
Song of Songs 6:5-7
He's overwhelmed by her eyes because he feels vulnerable, but he repeats the poem from their wedding night. He's saying that everything he loved about her in their young love, he loves about her now. Even though we're in the midst of conflict, I still choose you. My devotion hasn't changed.
Song of Songs 6:8-9
He describes the archetype of all the women and assures her that she's better than all of them and all he wants. He's not seeking other women when they are struggling. When the well runs dry in the desert, you don't seek a different well; you dig deeper.
Song of Songs 6:10
He honors her. When you don't retaliate, work to reconcile, and reiterate your devotion, you can overcome anything. Choosing, honoring, respecting, trusting...all will take you the distance. Practice saying, "This is what you said, this is what I heard, this is how it made me feel." It gets easier.
Song of Songs 6:11-12
You can return afresh to rekindle your love.
Song of Songs 6:13
We have found each other and want to be intimate again.
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"Conflict brings the possibility of deeper communication and deeper trust."
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Ben Stuart
Discussion Questions
If you're married, how have you pulled yourself into isolation? If you're not married, how have you isolated away from friends and family?
What are some reasons Millennials are waiting longer to get married if they marry at all?
What are the two directions a couple will take when they face conflict?
Of the 5 greatest sources of conflict in a marriage, which do you struggle with or do you think you will struggle with if you were married?
How do you normally respond to conflict? Do you respond differently to your spouse than anyone else? Do you retaliate?
Read Proverbs 26:21, 14:1, 10:12, 15:17-18, 21:9, 29:22-23. What is the wisdom that is being taught in these principles?
As the woman seeks reconciliation, she avoids accepting the disconnect or resentment. What is absolutely necessary to be able to say if you are in any type of relationship?
Do you have a group of friends or other couples that you can ask for help if you are struggling in your marriage?
How common is it to highlight the inadequacies of a person while downplaying their virtues? How can you avoid doing this?
How can recalling what you respect about someone completely change your perspective on them?
Scripture References
2.I slept but my heart was awake.Listen! My beloved is knocking:“Open to me, my sister, my darling,my dove, my flawless one.My head is drenched with dew,my hair with the dampness of the night.”3.I have taken off my robe—must I put it on again?I have washed my feet—must I soil them again?4.My beloved thrust his hand through the latch-opening;my heart began to pound for him.5.I arose to open for my beloved,and my hands dripped with myrrh,my fingers with flowing myrrh,on the handles of the bolt.6.I opened for my beloved,but my beloved had left; he was gone.My heart sank at his departure.5:6 Or heart had gone out to him when he spokeI looked for him but did not find him.I called him but he did not answer.7.The watchmen found meas they made their rounds in the city.They beat me, they bruised me;they took away my cloak,those watchmen of the walls!8.Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you—if you find my beloved,what will you tell him?Tell him I am faint with love.9.How is your beloved better than others,most beautiful of women?How is your beloved better than others,that you so charge us?10.My beloved is radiant and ruddy,outstanding among ten thousand.11.His head is purest gold;his hair is wavyand black as a raven.12.His eyes are like dovesby the water streams,washed in milk,mounted like jewels.13.His cheeks are like beds of spiceyielding perfume.His lips are like liliesdripping with myrrh.14.His arms are rods of goldset with topaz.His body is like polished ivorydecorated with lapis lazuli.15.His legs are pillars of marbleset on bases of pure gold.His appearance is like Lebanon,choice as its cedars.16.His mouth is sweetness itself;he is altogether lovely.This is my beloved, this is my friend,daughters of Jerusalem.
1.Whoever remains stiff-necked after many rebukeswill suddenly be destroyed—without remedy.2.When the righteous thrive, the people rejoice;when the wicked rule, the people groan.3.A man who loves wisdom brings joy to his father,but a companion of prostitutes squanders his wealth.4.By justice a king gives a country stability,but those who are greedy for29:4 Or who give bribes tear it down.5.Those who flatter their neighborsare spreading nets for their feet.6.Evildoers are snared by their own sin,but the righteous shout for joy and are glad.7.The righteous care about justice for the poor,but the wicked have no such concern.8.Mockers stir up a city,but the wise turn away anger.9.If a wise person goes to court with a fool,the fool rages and scoffs, and there is no peace.10.The bloodthirsty hate a person of integrityand seek to kill the upright.11.Fools give full vent to their rage,but the wise bring calm in the end.12.If a ruler listens to lies,all his officials become wicked.13.The poor and the oppressor have this in common:The Lord gives sight to the eyes of both.14.If a king judges the poor with fairness,his throne will be established forever.15.A rod and a reprimand impart wisdom,but a child left undisciplined disgraces its mother.16.When the wicked thrive, so does sin,but the righteous will see their downfall.17.Discipline your children, and they will give you peace;they will bring you the delights you desire.18.Where there is no revelation, people cast off restraint;but blessed is the one who heeds wisdom’s instruction.19.Servants cannot be corrected by mere words;though they understand, they will not respond.20.Do you see someone who speaks in haste?There is more hope for a fool than for them.21.A servant pampered from youthwill turn out to be insolent.22.An angry person stirs up conflict,and a hot-tempered person commits many sins.23.Pride brings a person low,but the lowly in spirit gain honor.24.The accomplices of thieves are their own enemies;they are put under oath and dare not testify.25.Fear of man will prove to be a snare,but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe.26.Many seek an audience with a ruler,but it is from the Lord that one gets justice.27.The righteous detest the dishonest;the wicked detest the upright.
1.Where has your beloved gone,most beautiful of women?Which way did your beloved turn,that we may look for him with you?2.My beloved has gone down to his garden,to the beds of spices,to browse in the gardensand to gather lilies.3.I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine;he browses among the lilies.4.You are as beautiful as Tirzah, my darling,as lovely as Jerusalem,as majestic as troops with banners.5.Turn your eyes from me;they overwhelm me.Your hair is like a flock of goatsdescending from Gilead.6.Your teeth are like a flock of sheepcoming up from the washing.Each has its twin,not one of them is missing.7.Your temples behind your veilare like the halves of a pomegranate.8.Sixty queens there may be,and eighty concubines,and virgins beyond number;9.but my dove, my perfect one, is unique,the only daughter of her mother,the favorite of the one who bore her.The young women saw her and called her blessed;the queens and concubines praised her.10.Who is this that appears like the dawn,fair as the moon, bright as the sun,majestic as the stars in procession?11.I went down to the grove of nut treesto look at the new growth in the valley,to see if the vines had buddedor the pomegranates were in bloom.12.Before I realized it,my desire set me among the royal chariots of my people.6:12 Or among the chariots of Amminadab; or among the chariots of the people of the prince13.Come back, come back, O Shulammite;come back, come back, that we may gaze on you!HeWhy would you gaze on the Shulammiteas on the dance of Mahanaim?6:13 In Hebrew texts this verse (6:13) is numbered 7:1.
9.Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. 10.For,“Whoever would love lifeand see good daysmust keep their tongue from eviland their lips from deceitful speech.11.They must turn from evil and do good;they must seek peace and pursue it.12.For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteousand his ears are attentive to their prayer,but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.”3:12 Psalm 34:12-16
44.But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,45.that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.
4.Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, forbearance and patience, not realizing that God’s kindness is intended to lead you to repentance?
1.Like snow in summer or rain in harvest,honor is not fitting for a fool.2.Like a fluttering sparrow or a darting swallow,an undeserved curse does not come to rest.3.A whip for the horse, a bridle for the donkey,and a rod for the backs of fools!4.Do not answer a fool according to his folly,or you yourself will be just like him.5.Answer a fool according to his folly,or he will be wise in his own eyes.6.Sending a message by the hands of a foolis like cutting off one’s feet or drinking poison.7.Like the useless legs of one who is lameis a proverb in the mouth of a fool.8.Like tying a stone in a slingis the giving of honor to a fool.9.Like a thornbush in a drunkard’s handis a proverb in the mouth of a fool.10.Like an archer who wounds at randomis one who hires a fool or any passer-by.11.As a dog returns to its vomit,so fools repeat their folly.12.Do you see a person wise in their own eyes?There is more hope for a fool than for them.13.A sluggard says, “There’s a lion in the road,a fierce lion roaming the streets!”14.As a door turns on its hinges,so a sluggard turns on his bed.15.A sluggard buries his hand in the dish;he is too lazy to bring it back to his mouth.16.A sluggard is wiser in his own eyesthan seven people who answer discreetly.17.Like one who grabs a stray dog by the earsis someone who rushes into a quarrel not their own.18.Like a maniac shootingflaming arrows of death19.is one who deceives their neighborand says, “I was only joking!”20.Without wood a fire goes out;without a gossip a quarrel dies down.21.As charcoal to embers and as wood to fire,so is a quarrelsome person for kindling strife.22.The words of a gossip are like choice morsels;they go down to the inmost parts.23.Like a coating of silver dross on earthenwareare fervent26:23 Hebrew; Septuagint smooth lips with an evil heart.24.Enemies disguise themselves with their lips,but in their hearts they harbor deceit.25.Though their speech is charming, do not believe them,for seven abominations fill their hearts.26.Their malice may be concealed by deception,but their wickedness will be exposed in the assembly.27.Whoever digs a pit will fall into it;if someone rolls a stone, it will roll back on them.28.A lying tongue hates those it hurts,and a flattering mouth works ruin.
1.The wise woman builds her house,but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.2.Whoever fears the Lord walks uprightly,but those who despise him are devious in their ways.3.A fool’s mouth lashes out with pride,but the lips of the wise protect them.4.Where there are no oxen, the manger is empty,but from the strength of an ox come abundant harvests.5.An honest witness does not deceive,but a false witness pours out lies.6.The mocker seeks wisdom and finds none,but knowledge comes easily to the discerning.7.Stay away from a fool,for you will not find knowledge on their lips.8.The wisdom of the prudent is to give thought to their ways,but the folly of fools is deception.9.Fools mock at making amends for sin,but goodwill is found among the upright.10.Each heart knows its own bitterness,and no one else can share its joy.11.The house of the wicked will be destroyed,but the tent of the upright will flourish.12.There is a way that appears to be right,but in the end it leads to death.13.Even in laughter the heart may ache,and rejoicing may end in grief.14.The faithless will be fully repaid for their ways,and the good rewarded for theirs.15.The simple believe anything,but the prudent give thought to their steps.16.The wise fear the Lord and shun evil,but a fool is hotheaded and yet feels secure.17.A quick-tempered person does foolish things,and the one who devises evil schemes is hated.18.The simple inherit folly,but the prudent are crowned with knowledge.19.Evildoers will bow down in the presence of the good,and the wicked at the gates of the righteous.20.The poor are shunned even by their neighbors,but the rich have many friends.21.It is a sin to despise one’s neighbor,but blessed is the one who is kind to the needy.22.Do not those who plot evil go astray?But those who plan what is good find14:22 Or show love and faithfulness.23.All hard work brings a profit,but mere talk leads only to poverty.24.The wealth of the wise is their crown,but the folly of fools yields folly.25.A truthful witness saves lives,but a false witness is deceitful.26.Whoever fears the Lord has a secure fortress,and for their children it will be a refuge.27.The fear of the Lord is a fountain of life,turning a person from the snares of death.28.A large population is a king’s glory,but without subjects a prince is ruined.29.Whoever is patient has great understanding,but one who is quick-tempered displays folly.30.A heart at peace gives life to the body,but envy rots the bones.31.Whoever oppresses the poor shows contempt for their Maker,but whoever is kind to the needy honors God.32.When calamity comes, the wicked are brought down,but even in death the righteous seek refuge in God.33.Wisdom reposes in the heart of the discerningand even among fools she lets herself be known.14:33 Hebrew; Septuagint and Syriac discerning / but in the heart of fools she is not known34.Righteousness exalts a nation,but sin condemns any people.35.A king delights in a wise servant,but a shameful servant arouses his fury.
Proverbs of Solomon1.The proverbs of Solomon:A wise son brings joy to his father,but a foolish son brings grief to his mother.2.Ill-gotten treasures have no lasting value,but righteousness delivers from death.3.The Lord does not let the righteous go hungry,but he thwarts the craving of the wicked.4.Lazy hands make for poverty,but diligent hands bring wealth.5.He who gathers crops in summer is a prudent son,but he who sleeps during harvest is a disgraceful son.6.Blessings crown the head of the righteous,but violence overwhelms the mouth of the wicked.10:6 Or righteous, / but the mouth of the wicked conceals violence7.The name of the righteous is used in blessings,10:7 See Gen. 48:20.but the name of the wicked will rot.8.The wise in heart accept commands,but a chattering fool comes to ruin.9.Whoever walks in integrity walks securely,but whoever takes crooked paths will be found out.10.Whoever winks maliciously causes grief,and a chattering fool comes to ruin.11.The mouth of the righteous is a fountain of life,but the mouth of the wicked conceals violence.12.Hatred stirs up conflict,but love covers over all wrongs.13.Wisdom is found on the lips of the discerning,but a rod is for the back of one who has no sense.14.The wise store up knowledge,but the mouth of a fool invites ruin.15.The wealth of the rich is their fortified city,but poverty is the ruin of the poor.16.The wages of the righteous is life,but the earnings of the wicked are sin and death.17.Whoever heeds discipline shows the way to life,but whoever ignores correction leads others astray.18.Whoever conceals hatred with lying lipsand spreads slander is a fool.19.Sin is not ended by multiplying words,but the prudent hold their tongues.20.The tongue of the righteous is choice silver,but the heart of the wicked is of little value.21.The lips of the righteous nourish many,but fools die for lack of sense.22.The blessing of the Lord brings wealth,without painful toil for it.23.A fool finds pleasure in wicked schemes,but a person of understanding delights in wisdom.24.What the wicked dread will overtake them;what the righteous desire will be granted.25.When the storm has swept by, the wicked are gone,but the righteous stand firm forever.26.As vinegar to the teeth and smoke to the eyes,so are sluggards to those who send them.27.The fear of the Lord adds length to life,but the years of the wicked are cut short.28.The prospect of the righteous is joy,but the hopes of the wicked come to nothing.29.The way of the Lord is a refuge for the blameless,but it is the ruin of those who do evil.30.The righteous will never be uprooted,but the wicked will not remain in the land.31.From the mouth of the righteous comes the fruit of wisdom,but a perverse tongue will be silenced.32.The lips of the righteous know what finds favor,but the mouth of the wicked only what is perverse.
1.A gentle answer turns away wrath,but a harsh word stirs up anger.2.The tongue of the wise adorns knowledge,but the mouth of the fool gushes folly.3.The eyes of the Lord are everywhere,keeping watch on the wicked and the good.4.The soothing tongue is a tree of life,but a perverse tongue crushes the spirit.5.A fool spurns a parent’s discipline,but whoever heeds correction shows prudence.6.The house of the righteous contains great treasure,but the income of the wicked brings ruin.7.The lips of the wise spread knowledge,but the hearts of fools are not upright.8.The Lord detests the sacrifice of the wicked,but the prayer of the upright pleases him.9.The Lord detests the way of the wicked,but he loves those who pursue righteousness.10.Stern discipline awaits anyone who leaves the path;the one who hates correction will die.11.Death and Destruction15:11 Hebrew Abaddon lie open before the Lord—how much more do human hearts!12.Mockers resent correction,so they avoid the wise.13.A happy heart makes the face cheerful,but heartache crushes the spirit.14.The discerning heart seeks knowledge,but the mouth of a fool feeds on folly.15.All the days of the oppressed are wretched,but the cheerful heart has a continual feast.16.Better a little with the fear of the Lordthan great wealth with turmoil.17.Better a small serving of vegetables with lovethan a fattened calf with hatred.18.A hot-tempered person stirs up conflict,but the one who is patient calms a quarrel.19.The way of the sluggard is blocked with thorns,but the path of the upright is a highway.20.A wise son brings joy to his father,but a foolish man despises his mother.21.Folly brings joy to one who has no sense,but whoever has understanding keeps a straight course.22.Plans fail for lack of counsel,but with many advisers they succeed.23.A person finds joy in giving an apt reply—and how good is a timely word!24.The path of life leads upward for the prudentto keep them from going down to the realm of the dead.25.The Lord tears down the house of the proud,but he sets the widow’s boundary stones in place.26.The Lord detests the thoughts of the wicked,but gracious words are pure in his sight.27.The greedy bring ruin to their households,but the one who hates bribes will live.28.The heart of the righteous weighs its answers,but the mouth of the wicked gushes evil.29.The Lord is far from the wicked,but he hears the prayer of the righteous.30.Light in a messenger’s eyes brings joy to the heart,and good news gives health to the bones.31.Whoever heeds life-giving correctionwill be at home among the wise.32.Those who disregard discipline despise themselves,but the one who heeds correction gains understanding.33.Wisdom’s instruction is to fear the Lord,and humility comes before honor.
1.In the Lord’s hand the king’s heart is a stream of waterthat he channels toward all who please him.2.A person may think their own ways are right,but the Lord weighs the heart.3.To do what is right and justis more acceptable to the Lord than sacrifice.4.Haughty eyes and a proud heart—the unplowed field of the wicked—produce sin.5.The plans of the diligent lead to profitas surely as haste leads to poverty.6.A fortune made by a lying tongueis a fleeting vapor and a deadly snare.21:6 Some Hebrew manuscripts, Septuagint and Vulgate; most Hebrew manuscripts vapor for those who seek death7.The violence of the wicked will drag them away,for they refuse to do what is right.8.The way of the guilty is devious,but the conduct of the innocent is upright.9.Better to live on a corner of the roofthan share a house with a quarrelsome wife.10.The wicked crave evil;their neighbors get no mercy from them.11.When a mocker is punished, the simple gain wisdom;by paying attention to the wise they get knowledge.12.The Righteous One21:12 Or The righteous person takes note of the house of the wickedand brings the wicked to ruin.13.Whoever shuts their ears to the cry of the poorwill also cry out and not be answered.14.A gift given in secret soothes anger,and a bribe concealed in the cloak pacifies great wrath.15.When justice is done, it brings joy to the righteousbut terror to evildoers.16.Whoever strays from the path of prudencecomes to rest in the company of the dead.17.Whoever loves pleasure will become poor;whoever loves wine and olive oil will never be rich.18.The wicked become a ransom for the righteous,and the unfaithful for the upright.19.Better to live in a desertthan with a quarrelsome and nagging wife.20.The wise store up choice food and olive oil,but fools gulp theirs down.21.Whoever pursues righteousness and lovefinds life, prosperity21:21 Or righteousness and honor.22.One who is wise can go up against the city of the mightyand pull down the stronghold in which they trust.23.Those who guard their mouths and their tongueskeep themselves from calamity.24.The proud and arrogant person—“Mocker” is his name—behaves with insolent fury.25.The craving of a sluggard will be the death of him,because his hands refuse to work.26.All day long he craves for more,but the righteous give without sparing.27.The sacrifice of the wicked is detestable—how much more so when brought with evil intent!28.A false witness will perish,but a careful listener will testify successfully.29.The wicked put up a bold front,but the upright give thought to their ways.30.There is no wisdom, no insight, no planthat can succeed against the Lord.31.The horse is made ready for the day of battle,but victory rests with the Lord.
