To fall in love and build a long-lasting relationship, we must first take our eyes off a potential partner and long for Jesus instead. Whether you are called to singleness for a season or a reason, Louie Giglio wants us to see that Jesus at the center is the key to success in all of our relationships.
Key Takeaway
When you are focused on God's Kingdom and remember who your Father is and how much He loves you, you do not need to stress or worry about what God has for you in the future.
God knows you. He knows relationships. There's hope and a plan for everything. People are all over the map when it comes to relationships, but it is important to remember that God cares. Wherever you are, God wants to plant hope. Singleness can bring anxiety that can become crippling over time.
Questions easily take over. Am I ever going to meet someone? Am I meet-able? Am I able to relate? Am I able to date? Am I able to be in a serious relationship? Am I able to make a commitment? Am I able to say "I do"? Am I able to be a good husband or wife? Or Am I forever going to live in my brokenness, fractures, disenfranchised, alone, and be single forever?
None of that thinking comes from a good Father. All of that comes from an enemy that's trying to steal, kill, and destroy. The main thing the enemy wants to steal is our hope. He does that by getting us worried about the future and missing the opportunity of living in the moment now through the power of Jesus.
Matthew 6:25-34 is a Kingdom passage that can help set our thinking straight when it comes to our relationships?
Jesus points out that birds don't store up for the next day because they know God provides everything for them. He poses the question, how much more valuable are you than the birds? So the correlation is that God will provide for you in a more abundant way than how He provides for the birds daily. See Matthew 6:26.
How has worrying about anything added any time to your life? It solves nothing. See Matthew 6:27. There is a whole world that thinks that their happiness is all contained in their ability to get their hands on the perceived needs in their lives. Our happiness is rooted in a Father who sees what we need and is able to provide in our lives what we need at just the proper time.
Our invitation is found in verse 33. It's not God's nature to not give you what you need, but it's His desire that we seek Him above those needs. Don't worry about tomorrow. Seek first His Kingdom.
The seed of hope is that you have a Father who's making a promise that if you prioritize a life of seeking Him, then He will prioritize a life of providing for me His will.
Seeds of Hope
1) God made you and He loves you. He's incredibly interested in who your mate for life is going to be. It's important to God who you're going to be with the rest of your life.
God created Adam. Adam had the breath of God, a relationship with God, and a mission from God. He was told not to eat from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil. He still didn't have everything He needed. God said it was not good for man to be alone. Marriage was the plan. God saw it all at the same time.
2) God knows that what you need most is not ultimately a mate but a Maker. Don't miss the main event; falling in love with your Maker. Think back to the mirror example and ask others to reflect what God says about us to us. No one can live up to that. We weren't created for someone else, we were created by and for our Maker. You were made for flawless love.
3) The priority shifts from finding somebody to becoming someone. If you're single, you can't control finding someone, but you can control becoming someone. The purpose of life is not to find the best mate, the purpose is to mature into the image of Jesus. We're not married in Heaven the way we're married on earth. So relationships serve a bigger purpose than relationships itself.
The end all be all purpose for relationships is to have a mate this is helping you being God glory as you help them bring God glory. See Romans 8:28-30. The goal is to be more like Jesus. The question isn't "what is your type?" it should be "what type and I?".
4) We submit ourselves to be molded. God is in the business of moving us in the proximity of the person He wants us to meet. Be committed to the process of becoming and God will be in the process of bringing. You don't have to manipulate anything. If you want to get close to somebody, move toward Jesus. We were all created for purpose and our primary relationship is with Jesus. This causes you to both move towards Jesus and therefore towards each other.
5) There's power in today. The enemy wants you to lose the power of who you can become today by stressing about a potential outcome for tomorrow. Your power is in the right now today.
3 Tensions
1) You'll never find the right person when you're with the wrong person. If you know the person you are dating right now is not the right person for you, then you're not going to find the right person for you. Why? The wrong person for you can't help you become the person God wants you to be and until you're the person God wants you to be, you're not even ready to meet the person God wants you to meet.
2) Some people are single for a season...and some for a reason. Hear this with compassion towards you, the reason you're single is you. Ask the close people around you to be honest with you. If they say yes, it's for a reason, ask them what the reason is and take that to God. God can change you and restore you if you let Him.
3) It really is up to the men. Until the guys move, the girls are stuck. Most women want men to initiate. Men are able to change the dynamic.
For the men:
It's going to take maturity. Move from boys to men.
It takes a job. It is your job to build a nest for your mate.
Have a savings account.
Pay down your debt.
It takes a Father. You have a perfect Father and He will provide you with what you need to be the kind of son that will step up and be the kind of man that can build a nest for a woman and lead a family.
It takes confidence in Jesus. Do you believe He can make you a husband? Lead a family? Work through your brokenness and weakness?
It takes dying to self.
It takes humility. It takes a man to say two are better than one.
It takes saying no. You are saying no to everyone else.
It takes pursuit. Be willing to fight and to lose. If you're not good with rejection than you don't want to get married. Marriage isn't bad, it's a refining journey with someone you can't live without.
Put the phone down. Don't endlessly comment and text. Go to her house and talk face to face with her and put your cards on the table.
It takes a decision. You are eventually going to say the words "I do". If you've been dating for a while: she's wondering what it's going to take for you to choose to commit. You either need to say I do or you need to let her go. She deserves the honesty.
Seek the Kingdom and all these things will be added to you. He sees you, He knows the plans He has for you. Be more focused on becoming and less worried about the finding.
Discussion Questions
If you had to describe your relationship status, what would you say? If you're married, how did you handle your singleness?
What kind of questions about relationships keep you up at night? Who is the author of these questions?
What is it that the enemy wants to steal from us?
How does Matthew 6:25-26 inform us about how God views our needs? What is He able to do?
What is the promise found in Matthew 6:33?
What was Adam created for? What was always in the plan for him?
Are you more focused on finding a mate or becoming a good one? Do you pursue your Maker more than a mate?
For a Christ following couple, what is the main purpose of every healthy relationship?
Name the things you are missing out on if you are only focused on the future and worrying about outcome?
If you are a man, what steps can you take to address some of the practical instruction Louie gave?