Who to Date

We are a consumer-minded culture. It doesn’t take more than three swipes on your social platform of choice to see that someone is always trying to sell you something. The latest product, the next best thing—we are riddled with wants and provided with a constant means to meet them. 

If we aren’t careful, the same mentality infects our dating culture. We stop looking for a person and start building a perfect product.

What is the danger of this kind of dating? How do we flip the switch for the better? 

Let’s get started. 

Dating is about looking for a person to love and not a product to consume. You may read that sentence and find the implications obvious, but we challenge you to consider your perspective. When it comes to dating, do your desires for a certain “type” lead the way?

You want him to be tall, but not too tall. Handsome. Funny. Charming. Great job. Solid income. Sensitive but strong. Confident but also caring. And with six-pack abs.

You want her to be shorter than you with these specific measurements. She needs to know how to have a good time. She needs to be into sports, running, hiking, traveling, saving money, and you.

This mentality, however, has two fatal flaws.

1. Dating like a consumer creates unrealistic expectations.
2. Dating like a consumer is based on the assumption that we know what we want. 

God assembles people; we do not. When our dating life is built on a wishlist of wants rather than a Godly set of standards, we start to see dating relationships as transactional.

Think of your next relationship as a house. You can pick the paint colors, assemble the furniture, and send out invitations to have people over—but if that house is not built on a steady foundation, it will never stand the test of time.

What is it you are really looking for in a future spouse? Is it more than skin deep? 

Proverbs 31:30 says,  “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.”

Are you flirting with what’s fleeting? 

Peter tells us in 1 Peter 3:7 that marriage is made up of co-heirs in the grace of life. Consider that for a moment. 

• Women, does he sharpen you? When everything falls apart, does he point you back to the things of God? Does he value your purity?
• Men, does she sharpen you? Is her heart set on the things of God? Is being in proximity to her pushing you closer to Jesus or pulling you further away?

What is worth really looking for?

Character. Integrity. Kindness. Honesty. Compassion. Not a savior or a servant, but a companion. These are the attributes we should be focused on finding.