How to Date
The Confusion Around Coupling
Day 3
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On day three of “How to Date,” Ben Stuart addresses what it looks like to date with the understanding of autonomy and purity. There are expectations of how we treat others clearly stated in Scripture, defining what it looks like to treat unbelievers and believers.
In the same way, Scripture is clear about the expectations of believers as brothers and sisters or as husbands and wives. So, how do we wrestle with the gray area of dating?
Summary
Dating is not a status you secure to feel safe in; it is proximity for the purpose of evaluating.
Many of us feel the tension of autonomy in dating. We have expectations of what a relationship should look like, and we get frustrated when those expectations aren’t met. Ben reminds us, however, that as we date, we are looking to evaluate the other person, not rule over them.
Until we commit to forever with another person in the covenant of marriage, we’re meant to live completely separate lives from each other. There is no allegiance to each other until then, and we don’t own the other person in this process.
We don’t want to mesh our lives with someone else until we know someone is worthy of all of us and until someone has the full weight of responsibility for us.
Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, “The two will become one flesh.” But whoever is united with the Lord is one with him in spirit. Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body.
1 Corinthians 6:15-18
Though there is a tension between wanting to give ourselves fully to the person we love and there is a natural desire for allegiance, both are meant to propel us through the process. We aren’t meant to languish in ambiguity; we are meant to get to know someone, create a friendship with them, and evaluate if they’re who we want to bind our lives to forever.
What's Next?
Have you ever really taken time to evaluate your prior dating experiences? After a breakup, we often spend time thinking of how the person may have wronged us, but it may be helpful to see the ways we have fallen short so that we can pursue healthy practices in the future.
Have you made a claim on previous people you have dated in the past? If yes, how has Ben’s teaching on autonomy changed your perspective?
How have you seen the entanglement of sexuality affect your ability or the ability of a person close to you to evaluate in dating?
Scripture References
