How to Date

Yesterday, we unpacked what it looks like to date with full confidence that God’s purposes and plans for our lives will prevail. Today, Ben Stuart highlights an important next step: initiating with clarity. He states that one of the greatest stresses in modern-day dating is not knowing where you stand with someone, and he calls us to have courage in our pursuit and to be honest out of kindness for the other person.

Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.

Ephesians 4:15

“Lack of clarity produces anxiety.”

There is no place for lying, deceit, or being vague in dating. We’re going to speak the truth with love with a redemptive goal. 

Some of us have been deceived into thinking it’s nicer to ghost someone or leave someone hanging rather than being straightforward with how we feel. But when we look at the book of Proverbs, we see the opposite is true.

An honest answer is like a kiss on the lips.

Proverbs 24:26

It takes courage to be honest with our feelings; dating requires courage, initiation, and clarity. There are three important ways that we can give clarity to our relationships:

1. Clarity in initiation. When thinking of asking someone on a date, it should be in person, and the intentions should be clear. We don’t want to lead someone astray by being vague about the time we want to spend with another person—if it’s a date, call it a date.
2. Clarity in the process. Let the person know how you’re feeling in the process. If you go on a date, let them know if you will call or if there will be another one if they’re open to it.
3. Clarity in the exit. It’s always helpful to give someone an out. Even though you may be feeling it, it doesn’t mean the other person is, and your confidence in the Lord will keep the fear of rejection at bay. 1 Corinthians 14:33 reads, “God is not a God of confusion but of peace.” We want to keep people from being confused and act as Jesus, “full of grace and truth” (John 1:14). It’s also important to communicate your feelings if you’re not into it. Don’t freeze someone out and never respond to their texts. Even if it’s awkward, give them the courtesy of a response.

We only have so much time on this earth, and we have the opportunity to be clear about the process and careful not to waste anyone’s time.