Talk

How to Navigate Conflict

Ben Stuart

February 25, 2024

In our final week of this collection, Ben Stuart tackles how to tactfully handle conflict in a way that honors God, gives dignity to the other, and allows you to be honest. We are going to have to speak, but we are given a blueprint on how to speak the truth in love.

Key Takeaway

There is a better way to handle conflict than avoiding or attacking. God calls us to speak the truth in love. When we love and care for the other, we can confront each other in a way that will lead to growth and redemption.

Everything that we have learned in this series is great on paper, but it easily breaks down in real life. Once we start dealing with real people, drama and conflict are a fact of life.

We have two primal responses.

1. We avoid. The way of communicating we prefer we don't extend to other people. The way we don't prefer, is often how we treat people by ghosting them or ignoring their efforts.

2. We attack. We do this a lot online. We've isolated ourselves into us versus them and feel fine writing horrible sentences about someone because you don't have to look them in the eye and see the pain that you caused.

When you dehumanize someone, it's easy to be inhumane.

There has to be a better way to treat each other. Can the Church offer the world something else? Is it possible to enter tension with the hope of redemption?

Ephesians tackles this. Ephesians 1 shows us where God crossed the boundary of our sin to rescue us. Ephesians 2 tells us that He can dissolve the walls of hostility so we can be a family. Ephesians 4 shows us how; by speaking the truth in love, we can grow in all things.

It is possible to enter tension with the hope of redemption. It's not just possible, it's purposeful and beautiful. It's an opportunity for growth. It can be a delight if you can enter it the right way.

How do we do it right?

1. You assume everyone has beauty. Every human being is made in the image of God and, therefore, has dignity to them. See Ephesians 4:25.

2. We assume everyone is broken. Everyone is beautiful but broken because of sin and would benefit from some correction. Conflict can be constructive if our goal is redemption, not destruction. Don't hate them; rebuke them frankly. It's loving to correct someone. A good friend is willing to risk what you think about them so they can help you. There are many verses that say the same thing. See Proverbs 20:30, 27:5-6, 27, 24:26. Leviticus 19:17.

We're not going to ignore each other. We are going to speak. We are going to speak the truth. No minimizing and no maximizing. How can you speak the truth to them out of a genuine concern for them so we can all grow?

How to respond?

1. You are going to speak...but when? Proverbs 12:16 says the prudent ignore an insult. This passage is a warning against being thin-skinned and taking offense to everything all the time. If you can't blow it off, then you have to talk about it.

2. You are going to speak the truth. You can know their actions and you can know your feelings. What you can't know is their motives. That's where most people go wrong.

3. You are going to speak the truth in love. Pick the proper time and place to confront someone. Don't wait too long because that disrupts clarity. Keep short accounts and a short time frame. Pick a time that is sensitive to their schedule. Don't pick a place that's humiliating, like around other people. Speak from your heart. Use the confrontation sandwich: say something you love about them, tell what tell did and how it made you feel, and then something you love about them again.

This also applies to how we handle confronting sin.

Matthew 18:15-20, Luke 17:4, James 5:19-20, and Galatians 6:1 are all examples of how to do this well. If you see someone struggling, if you care, you are going to move towards them. If you confront someone who says they are a Christian and they choose to continue to do things expressly condemned by Christ, then you have to wonder if they really know Jesus at all. When you love Christ, you don't revel in what he came to destroy.

“

"When you dehumanize someone, it's easy to be inhumane."

”

Ben Stuart

Discussion Questions

What are some examples, big or small, of conflict you have faced in your relationships?
Do you tend to avoid or attack? Why is it so easy to do those things when we don't like being treated like that?
Is it possible to enter tension with the hope of redemption?
When considering the beauty of belonging, how does Ephesians give us a blueprint?
What are the two assumptions we make about others in order to handle conflict well?
Read Proverbs 27:5-6. How is it loving to confront someone?
You're going to have to speak, but when is the proper time? What was the question Ben said to ask yourself?
What is the one thing you absolutely cannot know when it comes to conflict?
Read Matthew 18:15-20. How is this a roadmap on how to handle confronting sin?
How has Jesus spoken the truth in love to you?

Scripture References

11So Christ himself gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the pastors and teachers,

12to equip his people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up

13until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ.

14Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of people in their deceitful scheming.

15Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.

16From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.

8But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

30Blows and wounds scrub away evil,

and beatings purge the inmost being.

5Better is open rebuke

than hidden love.

6Wounds from a friend can be trusted,

but an enemy multiplies kisses.

1Do not boast about tomorrow,

for you do not know what a day may bring.

2Let someone else praise you, and not your own mouth;

an outsider, and not your own lips.

3Stone is heavy and sand a burden,

but a fool’s provocation is heavier than both.

4Anger is cruel and fury overwhelming,

but who can stand before jealousy?

5Better is open rebuke

than hidden love.

6Wounds from a friend can be trusted,

but an enemy multiplies kisses.

7One who is full loathes honey from the comb,

but to the hungry even what is bitter tastes sweet.

8Like a bird that flees its nest

is anyone who flees from home.

9Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart,

and the pleasantness of a friend

springs from their heartfelt advice.

10Do not forsake your friend or a friend of your family,

and do not go to your relative’s house when disaster strikes you—

better a neighbor nearby than a relative far away.

11Be wise, my son, and bring joy to my heart;

then I can answer anyone who treats me with contempt.

12The prudent see danger and take refuge,

but the simple keep going and pay the penalty.

13Take the garment of one who puts up security for a stranger;

hold it in pledge if it is done for an outsider.

14If anyone loudly blesses their neighbor early in the morning,

it will be taken as a curse.

15A quarrelsome wife is like the dripping

of a leaky roof in a rainstorm;

16restraining her is like restraining the wind

or grasping oil with the hand.

17As iron sharpens iron,

so one person sharpens another.

18The one who guards a fig tree will eat its fruit,

and whoever protects their master will be honored.

19As water reflects the face,

so one’s life reflects the heart.

20Death and Destruction are never satisfied,

and neither are human eyes.

21The crucible for silver and the furnace for gold,

but people are tested by their praise.

22Though you grind a fool in a mortar,

grinding them like grain with a pestle,

you will not remove their folly from them.

23Be sure you know the condition of your flocks,

give careful attention to your herds;

24for riches do not endure forever,

and a crown is not secure for all generations.

25When the hay is removed and new growth appears

and the grass from the hills is gathered in,

26the lambs will provide you with clothing,

and the goats with the price of a field.

27You will have plenty of goats’ milk to feed your family

and to nourish your female servants.

26An honest answer

is like a kiss on the lips.

17“ ‘Do not hate a fellow Israelite in your heart. Rebuke your neighbor frankly so you will not share in their guilt.

16Fools show their annoyance at once,

but the prudent overlook an insult.

“If your brother or sister

sins,

go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over.

But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’

If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.

“Truly I tell you, whatever you bind on earth will be

bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be

loosed in heaven.

“Again, truly I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything they ask for, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven.

For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.”

Even if they sin against you seven times in a day and seven times come back to you saying ‘I repent,’ you must forgive them.”

19My brothers and sisters, if one of you should wander from the truth and someone should bring that person back,

1Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted.

21God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.

Ben Stuart

Ben Stuart is the pastor of Passion City Church D.C. Prior to joining Passion City Church, Ben served as the executive director of Breakaway Ministries on the campus of Texas A&M. He also earned a master’s degree in historical theology from Dallas Theological Seminary. He and his wife, Donna, live to inspire and equip people to walk with God for a lifetime.