We live in a world full of offense. We can be the offenders, or we can be the offended. When we are offended, we feel hurt. It hurts to be misunderstood. It hurts to be misrepresented. It hurts to have our words or our actions taken in a way we never intended. In those situations, we have two options: We can deal with our hurt, or we can live in our hurt.
Both options have consequences. Living in hurt will often turn into resentment, and the more we leave our hurts unattended, the deeper they seem to get planted in our lives. The outcome can be bitterness, resentment, frustration, and even a growing sense of apathy. None of this is what God desires for His children.
Learning to work through our hurts comes from a place of honest humility—recognizing the extent of the pain we are experiencing, and instead of burying it and trying to avoid or ignore it, choosing to deal with it and process it.
When we work through our hurts, we will grow in compassion and empathy. There is learning and emotional growth on the other side. We will learn how to relate to others in similar situations and find our hurts can be redeemed for a greater good.
The difference between these two paths is whether we choose forgiveness or unforgiveness.
Unforgiveness is choosing to live in our hurt. It can be appealing because it often feels like the “right” or fair choice. We want the person who hurt us to experience justice. We want to be vindicated. Unforgiveness presents itself as the perfect opportunity to make sure all of this happens, but there is a significant problem: whenever anger and unforgiveness are present, the enemy of our soul is near.
Be angry and do not sin. Don’t let the sun go down on your anger, and don’t give the devil an opportunity.
Ephesians 4:26–27 (CSB)
In Ephesians 4:26-27 when Paul says, “Be angry,” the Greek phrase can be interpreted as, “Go ahead and feel all that anger and make sure you don’t sin in the midst of it all.” Living in prolonged anger and unforgiveness creates the perfect opportunity for the enemy to attack. The enemy loves to take our hurt and turn it into unforgiveness through anger, bitterness, resentment, and hostility. This is the devil’s playground.
In contrast, whenever forgiveness is present, so is Christ.
bearing with one another and forgiving one another if anyone has a grievance against another. Just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you are also to forgive. Above all, put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity. And let the peace of Christ, to which you were also called in one body, rule your hearts. And be thankful.
Colossians 3:13–15 (CSB)
When we practice forgiveness or “charizomai,” we live out of the reality of the forgiveness we have received from Christ Jesus. We experience the nearness of Christ by thinking not of our own failures and faulty living but of how Christ forgave us. Jesus died for us while we were still helpless, frail, and weak. So, if Jesus did this for us, why would we not be motivated to forgive others?
There are so many benefits to forgiveness, but maybe the best is walking in obedience. Forgiveness is a command of God; there is no way around it. But it’s important to remember that forgiveness doesn’t equal reconciliation. Reconciliation is conditional. In other words, while we are required to forgive, we are not demanded to be reconciled in relationships that are fundamentally destructive, harmful, or abusive.
You can forgive and establish boundaries. This is reinforced by the two primary words used in the New Testament for forgiveness. The first word we just looked at in Colossians 3:13 is “charizomai.” The word would have likely reminded the first readers and hearers of charis/grace, which is built into this “forgiveness” word. I believe this is with great intentionality. The kind of forgiveness that sets us free and redirects our hurt is one laced with the grace of Christ.
The second word often used in the New Testament is “aphiemi,” as seen in Luke 17
“Pay attention to yourselves! If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive [aphiēmi] him, and if he sins against you seven times in the day, and turns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive [aphiēmi] him.”
Luke 17:3–4 (ESV)
Aphiēmi is a legal debt that has been cleared and wiped away. The image of debt was a graphic one for the vast majority of the people at the time of Jesus and into the first century. When Jesus used this word, the audience would have thought about borrowers, not lenders. Imagine being in a place where all your debt is wiped clear and cannot be held against you. Now, flip the situation and imagine you were the lender, and you wiped away a debt owed to you. There is an immense power of freedom in both scenarios. In the former, you are released. In the latter, you release others.
When it comes to our hurt, forgiveness is the answer. It releases the offender, which in turn sets us free from resentment, anger, and bitterness. Unforgiveness is like trying to build a prison for the person who hurt us. The only problem is we are building it from the inside and unintentionally lock ourselves in. Forgiveness is the key out.
It should be telling that among the last words of Christ on the cross were, “Father forgive them…” These words are our marching orders today. We can truly redirect our hurt when we learn to live from the forgiveness we’ve received and are determined to forgive others.
May our prayer be, “Father, help us to forgive them as you have forgiven me.”
For more resources on forgiveness, check out 30 Days with Jesus.
When world events feel chaotic and scary …
When you feel crippled by fear and anxiety …
When you feel hurt by the very people you thought you could count on …
It’s tempting to wonder, Jesus, are You here? Do You care?
Though we may feel alone sometimes, Jesus assures us we are not. Even when we can’t see Him, He is here. Even when we aren’t hearing Him, He isn’t silent. How can we know this for sure? Because Jesus is never absent throughout Scripture, and He’s certainly not absent in our lives either.
In 30 Days with Jesus: Experiencing His Presence Throughout the Old and New Testaments, authors Lysa TerKeurst and Dr. Joel Muddamalle unpack all this and more.
Scripture References
