Much of my life had been covered in abuse and addiction, which led me to prefer anonymity over applause. Even as an unbeliever, I felt unclean and uncomfortable. In God’s pursuit of my heart, I wrestled with making myself “better” before surrendering to Him.
Until I couldn’t.
I remember telling my wise, Jesus-loving mentor, “I am exhausted trying to be good enough for God.”
Her response was, “You will never be good enough. Come, just as you are.”
And I did.
I conceded to the beckoning voice of a Savior trying to get my attention. My arrival at the foot of the cross was hesitant because I knew I was a mess. Not only was my life a wreck, but I was dirty—covered in sin-filled scum, which carried sin-filled shame.
The Heavenly Father met me with more grace than I knew what to do with. He extended kindness, gentleness, patience, and love. Concepts foreign to me became gifts as my life was being transformed daily.
Salvation by faith through grace happens instantly. Growth does not.
The moment I yielded my heart to Christ, I became a loved daughter of the King. Nevertheless, my eyes were opened to my past mistakes and present guilt. Every wrong done to me and the wrongdoing I was complicit in was marked with shame.
Shame.
This was new to me, but actually, even from the very beginning of humanity, shame was a tool the serpent used to push us away from God.
Adam and Eve walked with God in the garden and were not ashamed. Two bites and ten verses later, they were hiding from their Creator. They not only sought satisfaction from the forbidden fruit, but they were now clothed literally and figuratively with disgrace.
Humankind would now bear the weight of sin and the byproduct of shame. We—like Adam and Eve—make choices and suffer consequences that cause us to hide. Our mess makes us feel exposed; thus, we bury secrets, mask pain, and deny culpability.
However, God bids us to come to Him. He knows our nature (Psalm 103:14), and He is aware that only His grace is sufficient for us (2 Corinthians 12:9).
This journey of grace is not a quick trip to the convenience store; it is a progressive pilgrimage. One which requires sorrow, surrender, and assurance. In this pilgrimage, there are three steps we can take toward embracing the grace God has freely given us.
For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will— to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves.
Ephesians 1:4-6
Acknowledge and confess your mess.
Our Father chose us before the world was set in motion, and He knows how our stories will unfold. He is not surprised by brokenness nor startled by our rebellion. In fact, He ordained our days (Psalm 139:16), so the chapters of injustice and iniquity are already well known. There is no need to hide.
In coming to the place of acknowledging and confessing our sin to God, peace enters in. We can experience holy sorrow about our sin, repent, and move forward.
Accept God’s unconditional love.
Having knowledge of something is not the same as embracing it. We may know God loves us, but remain skeptical of the magnitude of His acceptance. In truth, it is more than acceptance; it is an unconditional, permanent belonging. God happily chose the messy us in extravagant love to be forever adopted. Woah.
He initiates, but we respond by trusting His love, forgiveness, and adoption. The mercy and grace of God are garments meant to clothe us in His righteousness for us to know we are His sons and daughters.
Align your heart and mind to trust His truth.
Awareness, acknowledgment, and adoption must move us to align our posture to marry His. The process is kindred to a metamorphosis, which is not instant nor linear.
Our thoughts, as well as our feelings, must traverse an ascent. The Israelites knew this all too well. Most scholars believe that pilgrims would climb to Jerusalem, the holy pinnacle in Israel, several times a year. They would worship on the journey by singing the Psalms of Ascent (Psalms 120-134). It signified a spiritual high point at the completion of a step-by-step journey. By reciting scripture in chorus, the Hebrew people informed their hearts and minds of truth amidst hard times.
How applicable in view of our own transformation? It is an upward movement, a climb, an ascent. We admit and lament our sin-wrecked life. We fully accept the love and mercy of Jesus to clothe our weaknesses. We allow His truth-filled promises to root deeply in our hearts and minds.
Three practical ways I learned to crush shame at its core were to read scripture audibly, journal truth consistently, and worship abundantly. Psalm 23, Psalm 103, Psalm 139, Romans 5, and Ephesians 2 are a few powerful passages to speak aloud (yes, out loud!) so your soul can hear your voice declare truth. Set aside time to write. Committing pen to paper invites us to record and meditate on things that are true and right. In addition, create a worship playlist with songs that convey the radical grace of God.
Like the garden narrative, our shame frequently prompts us to run and hide. The exposure feels vulnerable, and the urge to hide is natural. However, in the same way, God clothed Adam and Eve, He will provide you the perfect hiding place in the love of Jesus.
Rejecting shame was not a denial of my past, it was accepting the grace of Jesus to cover my messiness. On this side of heaven, the journey is traveled on a dirt road. I am reminded often that I’m still a dust-covered daughter in need of repentance and renewal.
However deep our mess goes, His grace goes deeper.
And grace is enough.
Scripture References
14.for he knows how we are formed,he remembers that we are dust.
9.But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
4.For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love 5.he1:4,5 Or sight in love. 5 He predestined us for adoption to sonship1:5 The Greek word for adoption to sonship is a legal term referring to the full legal standing of an adopted male heir in Roman culture. through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will— 6.to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves.
16.Your eyes saw my unformed body;all the days ordained for me were written in your bookbefore one of them came to be.
Psalm 23A psalm of David.1.The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.2.He makes me lie down in green pastures,he leads me beside quiet waters,3.he refreshes my soul.He guides me along the right pathsfor his name’s sake.4.Even though I walkthrough the darkest valley,23:4 Or the valley of the shadow of deathI will fear no evil,for you are with me;your rod and your staff,they comfort me.5.You prepare a table before mein the presence of my enemies.You anoint my head with oil;my cup overflows.6.Surely your goodness and love will follow meall the days of my life,and I will dwell in the house of the Lordforever.
Psalm 103Of David.1.Praise the Lord, my soul;all my inmost being, praise his holy name.2.Praise the Lord, my soul,and forget not all his benefits—3.who forgives all your sinsand heals all your diseases,4.who redeems your life from the pitand crowns you with love and compassion,5.who satisfies your desires with good thingsso that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.6.The Lord works righteousnessand justice for all the oppressed.7.He made known his ways to Moses,his deeds to the people of Israel:8.The Lord is compassionate and gracious,slow to anger, abounding in love.9.He will not always accuse,nor will he harbor his anger forever;10.he does not treat us as our sins deserveor repay us according to our iniquities.11.For as high as the heavens are above the earth,so great is his love for those who fear him;12.as far as the east is from the west,so far has he removed our transgressions from us.13.As a father has compassion on his children,so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him;14.for he knows how we are formed,he remembers that we are dust.15.The life of mortals is like grass,they flourish like a flower of the field;16.the wind blows over it and it is gone,and its place remembers it no more.17.But from everlasting to everlastingthe Lord’s love is with those who fear him,and his righteousness with their children’s children—18.with those who keep his covenantand remember to obey his precepts.19.The Lord has established his throne in heaven,and his kingdom rules over all.20.Praise the Lord, you his angels,you mighty ones who do his bidding,who obey his word.21.Praise the Lord, all his heavenly hosts,you his servants who do his will.22.Praise the Lord, all his workseverywhere in his dominion.Praise the Lord, my soul.
Psalm 139For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.1.You have searched me, Lord,and you know me.2.You know when I sit and when I rise;you perceive my thoughts from afar.3.You discern my going out and my lying down;you are familiar with all my ways.4.Before a word is on my tongueyou, Lord, know it completely.5.You hem me in behind and before,and you lay your hand upon me.6.Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,too lofty for me to attain.7.Where can I go from your Spirit?Where can I flee from your presence?8.If I go up to the heavens, you are there;if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.9.If I rise on the wings of the dawn,if I settle on the far side of the sea,10.even there your hand will guide me,your right hand will hold me fast.11.If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide meand the light become night around me,”12.even the darkness will not be dark to you;the night will shine like the day,for darkness is as light to you.13.For you created my inmost being;you knit me together in my mother’s womb.14.I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;your works are wonderful,I know that full well.15.My frame was not hidden from youwhen I was made in the secret place,when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.16.Your eyes saw my unformed body;all the days ordained for me were written in your bookbefore one of them came to be.17.How precious to me are your thoughts,139:17 Or How amazing are your thoughts concerning me God!How vast is the sum of them!18.Were I to count them,they would outnumber the grains of sand—when I awake, I am still with you.19.If only you, God, would slay the wicked!Away from me, you who are bloodthirsty!20.They speak of you with evil intent;your adversaries misuse your name.21.Do I not hate those who hate you, Lord,and abhor those who are in rebellion against you?22.I have nothing but hatred for them;I count them my enemies.23.Search me, God, and know my heart;test me and know my anxious thoughts.24.See if there is any offensive way in me,and lead me in the way everlasting.
Peace and Hope1.Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we5:1 Many manuscripts let us have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2.through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we5:2 Or let us boast in the hope of the glory of God. 3.Not only so, but we5:3 Or let us also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4.perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5.And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.6.You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. 7.Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. 8.But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.9.Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God’s wrath through him! 10.For if, while we were God’s enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life! 11.Not only is this so, but we also boast in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.Death Through Adam, Life Through Christ12.Therefore, just as sin entered the world through one man, and death through sin, and in this way death came to all people, because all sinned—13.To be sure, sin was in the world before the law was given, but sin is not charged against anyone’s account where there is no law. 14.Nevertheless, death reigned from the time of Adam to the time of Moses, even over those who did not sin by breaking a command, as did Adam, who is a pattern of the one to come.15.But the gift is not like the trespass. For if the many died by the trespass of the one man, how much more did God’s grace and the gift that came by the grace of the one man, Jesus Christ, overflow to the many! 16.Nor can the gift of God be compared with the result of one man’s sin: The judgment followed one sin and brought condemnation, but the gift followed many trespasses and brought justification. 17.For if, by the trespass of the one man, death reigned through that one man, how much more will those who receive God’s abundant provision of grace and of the gift of righteousness reign in life through the one man, Jesus Christ!18.Consequently, just as one trespass resulted in condemnation for all people, so also one righteous act resulted in justification and life for all people. 19.For just as through the disobedience of the one man the many were made sinners, so also through the obedience of the one man the many will be made righteous.20.The law was brought in so that the trespass might increase. But where sin increased, grace increased all the more, 21.so that, just as sin reigned in death, so also grace might reign through righteousness to bring eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.
Made Alive in Christ1.As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, 2.in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. 3.All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our flesh2:3 In contexts like this, the Greek word for flesh (sarx) refers to the sinful state of human beings, often presented as a power in opposition to the Spirit. and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature deserving of wrath. 4.But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, 5.made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved. 6.And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, 7.in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. 8.For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— 9.not by works, so that no one can boast. 10.For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.Jew and Gentile Reconciled Through Christ11.Therefore, remember that formerly you who are Gentiles by birth and called “uncircumcised” by those who call themselves “the circumcision” (which is done in the body by human hands)— 12.remember that at that time you were separate from Christ, excluded from citizenship in Israel and foreigners to the covenants of the promise, without hope and without God in the world. 13.But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near by the blood of Christ.14.For he himself is our peace, who has made the two groups one and has destroyed the barrier, the dividing wall of hostility, 15.by setting aside in his flesh the law with its commands and regulations. His purpose was to create in himself one new humanity out of the two, thus making peace, 16.and in one body to reconcile both of them to God through the cross, by which he put to death their hostility. 17.He came and preached peace to you who were far away and peace to those who were near. 18.For through him we both have access to the Father by one Spirit.19.Consequently, you are no longer foreigners and strangers, but fellow citizens with God’s people and also members of his household, 20.built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, with Christ Jesus himself as the chief cornerstone. 21.In him the whole building is joined together and rises to become a holy temple in the Lord. 22.And in him you too are being built together to become a dwelling in which God lives by his Spirit.
