The one who knows everything about everything. The one with a short fuse. The one who over-shares. The one who takes twenty minutes to tell a two-minute story. The prickly. The pessimist. The gossip. The cheat. The one who is always in a crisis. The ignorer of boundaries. The inappropriate jokester. The loud talker. The close talker. The judgy. The self-server. The complainer. The truth stretcher. The over-promiser. The whiner. The passive aggressor. The ball dropper. The blame shifter. The never happy.
They are the stealers of time, the boilers of blood, the pushers of buttons, the testers of patience.
It was easy to make a list of members in the difficult community—real people whose faces you are picturing right now. Is the list too long? I don’t mean to be difficult.
Difficult is a coded label we use when optional crass descriptions aren’t socially or spiritually acceptable. All of us have encountered difficult people. Each of us, in our turn, has been a difficult person.
Jesus dealt with difficult people. Pharisees showed up where he paused to teach and to minister. They tried to discredit his ministry, urging crowds to turn on him. Jesus instantly knew the needs and motives of the problematic people he encountered. He could see the empty and desperate parts of each heart. He knew exactly what to say and do. He knew how to love them.
How do we honor Jesus while dealing with the difficult people in our lives? How do we love them in His name? A passage in Colossians helps with this question by establishing a standard and outlining a path to follow.
Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues, put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
Colossians 3:12-14
Love as Compassion
Clothe yourself with compassion. This is a choice to look for the story beneath the other person’s behavior. Ask yourself: “I wonder what it’s like to be them right now?” and “I wonder if something is happening behind the scenes of their story, creating pressure or disappointment?”
Compassion moves us to treat cranky people with gentleness, aware of the possibility that life has treated them roughly. Some in your family act out because their current crisis has exhausted them. Some at your office use a prickly demeanor as a shield to keep others from seeing brokenness. Some at your school treat people unkindly because earlier in life, unkind people treated them that way. It’s how life trained them.
Ask questions before reacting; the insights could change your response. This pause of curiosity is an act of care, looking to see if there might be a ministry moment in the wake of the difficult moment.
Love as Patience
One of the ways we express godliness is self-control when frustrated by difficult people. You could zing them with a comeback. You could spike the ball back across the confrontational net. Choose mercy. Walk away. De-escalate. Lay down the drive to win the moment. Respond to anger with patience, making room for resolution.
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
Proverbs 15:1
Let go of frustration with people for where you wish they were in relational maturity. Love them where they are—with patience. Every disciple has an origin story, a sinful past, before joining the journey. Jesus still invited them. You know your past—and how Jesus loved you.
Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil.
Psalm 37:8
Love as Grace
The most Christ-honoring response to difficult people is to treat them differently from what they deserve. Forgive them, even when they are unaware of their offense. Merciful patience is where grace began for all of us (Ephesians 2:3-5). Grace coming from you could open their heart to the grace that comes from God.
The ideal outcome for those who annoy, discourage, or mistreat us would be their repentance; God convicting them of error and a desire to change their ways. Scripture teaches that God’s kindness led to our repentance (Romans 2:4). What good fruit could come from kindness given at your work, school, church, or home?
Love as Service
Serve them. Go the extra mile. Bless the boss who persecutes you. Do good to the jerk who harms you. Pray for your enemies. Serving is a form of affection. It’s not about the task performed; it’s about the message communicated. “I see you. I care about you.”
Jesus was committed to helping outsiders become insiders. Let’s do that. Show love to all people—especially those seemingly without merit. Make a way for them to receive from you something better than what they deserve. The person might deserve wrath, but in Jesus’ name, choose a little self-sacrifice and serve them. Let’s react to others with hearts full of love and rich in mercy—just like our Father (Ephesians 2:4-5).
Compassion, kindness, humility, grace, gentleness, patience, and sacrificial love—these are choices we make, tipping the mercy of God in us so that it spills out into others.
Be on your guard against a quiet cynicism that leads you to believe that difficult people aren’t worth the effort. Dealing with difficult people is a ministry. It’s Jesus and Zacchaeus. It’s Jesus and Matthew-Levi. It’s Jesus and Peter. It’s Jesus and me. It’s Jesus and you.
Scripture References
