The church is, and has always been, full of broken people. We have all sinned and fallen short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23). Maybe you have been personally wronged by a fellow church member. Maybe you have observed your church leader’s failings. Maybe you are reeling over the moral failures of influential Christian teachers, musicians, or pastors.
What do we do when we are hurt by those who claim to follow Jesus? What is the role of the church in our lives going forward (when we may even no longer want to be a part of it)?
Acknowledge it Honestly
We have nothing to gain by denying, minimizing, or sweeping under the rug what has happened. We should not be quick to gloss over the often devastating consequences of sins in our lives or in the lives of others.
We are right to oppose what is wrong – what is contradictory to God’s standards for holy living as defined by Scripture, and even his high standards for Christian teachers specifically (James 3:1).
Confront it Biblically
Once we have acknowledged the hurt, we need God’s wisdom, Word, and Holy Spirit to help us confront it.
According to Jesus, we should first talk to the person who has hurt us individually. Then, if needed, we are to take one or two others along with us, and finally, we are to bring in the rest of the church (Matthew 18:15-17).
There may be circumstances in which it is wise to speak with a godly mentor or trustworthy counselor first to help us process our hurt and rightly approach conversations with the words and intentions that would be most helpful. But if our first inclination is to talk widely with others (in person or even on social media) with an aim of fostering gossip and resentment rather than reconciliation, we need to ask ourselves if we are responding as Jesus commands us.
Remember the Gospel
The gospel reminds us that we are all egregious sinners, but God’s grace offers forgiveness to all who believe in Him (John 3:16). Remembering this truth reminds us of two things: we are called to forgive our brothers, and we, too, have sinned.
When Peter asked Jesus how many times he should forgive his brother or sister who sinned against him, Jesus answered that Peter was to forgive not only seven times (which Peter must have considered a high number, especially after hoping he would only have to forgive up to seven times) but seventy times seven times (Matthew 18:21-22). What Jesus was really saying is that there is no limit to the forgiveness we are called to extend as Christians because there is no limit to the forgiveness we have received in Christ.
Forgiveness of a fellow church member or church leader does not necessarily require that the relationship look exactly the same, with the same responsibility, proximity, or influence, moving forward as it once did. Trust may need to be rebuilt over time. But the Bible calls us to put away bitterness, anger, and malice (Ephesians 4:31) and to forgive others as God has forgiven us (Colossians 3:13).
Ultimately, we can denounce the sins of those who hurt us (including those in the church) while also humbly acknowledging our own shortcomings and turning again to Jesus – the only sinless human who will never betray, deceive, or wrong us.
Reason Apologetically
If, as we process it all, we find ourselves doubting Christianity and the church as a whole, we need to distinguish imperfect Christians from the only perfect Christ.
We may have been hurt by people who claim to be Christians but are not actually following Jesus. Or we may have been hurt by genuine Christians who are daily battling their flesh (as much as we are) and are dependent on God’s mercy and grace over their sins (as much as we are). But we have not been hurt by Christ.
There’s no question that wrongs have been committed throughout all of history by those who claim to be Christians. But before we allow that to discredit Christianity in our minds, we have to consider that great travesties have also been committed by those representing all other religions, philosophies, and worldviews (including atheism), and even science. All of us have fallen short of the ideals we seek to follow and know to be best.
The failures of imperfect followers do not necessarily disprove the credibility or goodness of their leader. Only in Christianity do we find the perfect leader who deals fully with sin (both our sin and the sin committed by other Christians) in both grace and truth (John 1:14).
Commit to God’s Church
For all of its shortcomings, God still loves and is committed to His church as much as a faithful groom is to his bride. The church is still God’s plan for taking the gospel to the world. And God still promises that nothing — not even the gates of hell — will prevail against it (Matthew 16:18).
We may have been hurt by the church, but God also offers healing through the church—the body of Christ on earth (1 Corinthians 12:27). As we acknowledge our hurt honestly, confront it biblically, remember the gospel, and reason apologetically through any doubts it brings, we can renew again our faithfulness to the church as members of the household of God (Ephesians 2:19).
For all its cracks, defects, and flaws, it is still built on the cornerstone of Jesus in whom we are being joined together into a dwelling place for God by the Spirit (Ephesians 2:20-22). We can invite that same Spirit — who redeems, restores, and makes all things new — into our hurt while trusting Him to bring our healing.
