Forgiving the Unforgivable

How do we forgive what is, by all worldly standards, unforgivable? 

We know Jesus calls us to forgive. When His disciples asked Him how many times they should forgive someone who sinned against them, Jesus told them not seven times but seventy times seven times (Matthew 18:21-22). That was His way of saying there’s no limit to what we are called to forgive or how many times we’re called to forgive. In fact, Jesus even goes so far as to say that those who do not forgive others will not be forgiven by the Father (Matthew 6:14-15). 

But how do we do it? Especially when it feels impossible?

The Christian life has always been about how Jesus makes the otherwise impossible possible—enabling us to do what we never could by our own strength.

In Philippians 4:13, we read that Christians can do all things through Christ who strengthens them. And while we may be far more eager to apply that verse to things we actually want to accomplish (like running a marathon, securing a promotion, making the grades, or achieving our New Year’s resolutions), Paul’s words here come in the context of enduring hardships and even persecution or suffering at the hands of others. Through Christ alone, who strengthens us, we can do all things—even forgive the otherwise unforgivable—as we remember how much more He has first forgiven us.

My husband and I recently had our first child, a son, and I’m not sure anything in life has taught me more about what it means for God to be our good Father. Among a hundred other lessons, I often think about just how much I would have to love someone to be willing to sacrifice my treasured only son to make possible their forgiveness—particularly forgiveness of their sins against me. 

But this is the story of the cross. Because of the great love the Father has lavished on us, we who believe in Jesus, who conquered the grave, will be forgiven of even our gravest offenses (1 John 3:1, John 3:16). At the very least, we have scorned our Maker, worshiped idols, turned to broken cisterns for fulfillment, blasphemed Him, denied Him, been ashamed to speak of Him, unappreciated Him, and disobeyed what His life-giving word calls us to do for our own good and for His glory. Yet in Christ, all of these unforgivable sins against the God of the Universe can be forgiven—not because we deserve forgiveness, not because we have earned forgiveness, and not because our offenses will go unforgiven or just overlooked, but because of His mercy. 

The reality of whatever has been done to you—the wounding, the betrayal, the robbing, the offense, the separation, the breaking, the loss—may be unforgettable, with consequences that echo through a lifetime on earth. Forgiving does not require ignoring, excusing, pretending, or turning a blind eye to wrongs. 

But as believers in Christ who know that we first have been forgiven of much, we can call these things to mind each time we are tempted to bitterness, hatred, or hopelessness over what has been done to us —

1. No sin has been committed against us that is more offensive than the sins we have committed against God. 
2. We may not feel that the person we are called to forgive deserves our forgiveness. But we don’t deserve God’s forgiveness either. This is grace. Our very salvation hangs on it, and we are likewise called to extend grace to one another, forgiving as He forgave us. 
3. We worship a God who will one day wipe away every tear from our eyes where sin and sorrow will be no more (Revelation 21:4). Our God of justice sees all things, judges all things, and makes all things new. 
4. Our enemy is delighted by anger, wrath, and malice (Colossians 3:8). While we may be frequently reminded of the wrongs that have been done to us, we can choose what we dwell on, how we dwell on it, and whether we are daily (or hourly) taking our thoughts captive to make them obedient to Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5). 
5. All things—even forgiveness—are possible through Christ, who strengthens us.

We cannot undo what has been done to us. We cannot erase the consequences. We cannot force our offenders to acknowledge their faults, right their wrongs, or even ask for forgiveness. But what we can do is entrust it to the God who promised to work all things for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28) and, in all our suffering, entrust our souls to a faithful Creator and continue doing good (1 Peter 4:19). 

He sees, He knows, and He will make all things right in the end. Until that day, He is glorified as we reflect and point to Christ by our actions, our words, our thoughts, and even our forgiveness.