A few weeks ago, my husband wrote me a note thanking me for all the peace I bring into our household. As someone who loves a handwritten note, the gesture was greatly welcomed and appreciated. However, we’re a family with three girls ages four and under, and when I think about my daily interactions and hats that I wear, peacemaker doesn’t rise to the top. Chaos coordinator, absolutely. But peacemaker…not so much.
During an average week, I’m taming approximately 153 toddler tantrums, settling endless sibling arguments, and wiping one snotty nose after another. And that’s usually all before 9:00 am. Peace. I don’t know her. But his note challenged me to reframe how I view our life and what it truly means to be a peacemaker.
Peace isn’t a prerequisite of peacemaking. In fact, being a peacemaker nearly requires the opposite. So, in the midst of cleaning up spills and constantly tripping over Magna-Tiles strewn about my living room, every day I have an opportunity: I can step into my millions of tiny moments and create a space that feels a little more like heaven, or I can allow the exhaustion of parenthood and emotions of toddlers to rule the day. But like everyone, I need Jesus to guide me.
In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus teaches us, “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.” Yet, even with my best efforts, it’s easy for me to feel like I’m simply managing conflict rather than serving as a peacemaker. But as a believer and child of God, I must fix my eyes on an eternal end rather than simply making it to bedtime every day. So, if you’re like me and want to rise above and aim toward peace, Scripture provides us with a practical picture of the woman of Abigail, whose story transcends time and gives us a strategy for modern-day peacemaking.
Abigail enters the Scripture narrative in 1 Samuel 25, where David is on the run from King Saul, who is relentlessly pursuing him in order to take his life. While David and his men are camped in the wilderness, they are helping to protect the flocks of a wealthy man named Nabal. When David learns that Nabal is shearing his sheep—typically a time of feasting and generosity—David sends messengers to request provisions for his men as a gesture of goodwill.
But Nabal, whose name means “foolish” and is described as harsh, refuses David’s request by insulting him and his men. With David already on the run, the hurling of insults creates further turmoil, and a furious David vows to destroy Nabal’s household. Upon hearing this, Abigail, Nabal’s wife, steps into the story and finds herself face-to-face with the same opportunity I face daily: intervene and seek peace or become a bystander.
Now, our daily life likely does not include the certain destruction at the hand of a vengeful fugitive. It may not even revolve around the beautiful mess of childhood at your feet, but I know that it does involve your own version of chaos, overwhelm, and conflict. Whether it be tension between coworkers, long-standing family dynamics that bubble up every get-together, or facing the steady wave of competing views on social platforms, our world is inundated with anything but peace.
Abigail’s choice to intervene is more than just an act of courage—it’s a masterclass in peacemaking. She doesn’t follow a formula or rulebook but rather postures herself toward peace and engages three key strategies in her actions.
Urgency: 1 Samuel 25:18 is clear: “Abigail acted quickly.” Her instinct was not to turn away, think it over, or escape. Instead, she immediately moved into action with the clear goal of defusing David’s anger. She begins to prepare more food than what he had originally requested and sets out to meet him. This timely preparation allowed her to meet David before he arrived at her household, offer provision, and meet his needs.
And when an essential need is met, it lightens the load and creates space for peace to flourish.
Humility: Abigail is described as both intelligent and beautiful (1 Samuel 25:3). However, when she approaches David, she bows down with her face on the ground and asks permission to speak. Her words and generous offering serve as a literal peace offering and counteracts the offense and denial of her husband. Where she could have used her beauty and charm to persuade him otherwise, Abigail chose humility; humility demonstrates honor, whereas charm can deceive.
Wisdom: When Abigail eventually speaks to David, she doesn’t plead or beg. Abigail “…speaks with wisdom and faithful instruction is on her tongue.” (Proverbs 31:26). Her words to David are clear: she asks for forgiveness of wrongdoing and offers a solution. While Abigail did not create the conflict, she was willing to acknowledge the origin. However, her true wisdom comes as she provides an alternate route, one that is mutually beneficial. Abigail repeatedly reminds David of the Lord’s blessing on his life and that the blood guilt from his pending actions simply would not be worth it. Her wisdom brought David back to his true identity while simultaneously saving her entire household.
Peacemaking often involves stepping into the chaos of our own lives—tense conversations, miscommunication, and relational strains—and choosing to respond with urgency, humility, and wisdom. While your personal stressors may not be as fatal as Abigail’s or as simple as sibling squabbles, the willingness to confront division rather than avoid it is where the peacemaking happens. It’s pursuing reconciliation even when it’s uncomfortable. It’s bringing glimpses of heavenly peace into our everyday spaces.
So whether you’re guiding a toddler through their tenth meltdown of the morning or navigating hard conversations with coworkers, family, or friends, we can either shrink back in passivity or step forward as peacemakers. And when we take that bold step, we reflect the heart of God.
The world doesn’t need more bystanders, perfectly curated responses, or carefully avoided tension. It needs more men and women who, like Abigail, are willing to move toward the hard things. May you step into your chaos today, not as a conflict manager, but as a peacemaker — creating space for heaven to break through, one small moment at a time.
Scripture References
